I saw this painting at the Louvre,
With such a smile we all approve,
There's nothing that we could improve,
Eyes seem to move, eyes seem to move.
DaVinci's figure sits alone,
Is all attention overblown?
So priceless that no one can own,
Just once on loan, just once on loan.
Since clothes do not the woman make,
Black, unadorned, no chance for fake,
No eyebrows, jewels; some one did take,
Just a mistake, just a mistake?
Celebrity of world renown,
Young wife in darkened somber gown,
Who is this woman with no frown?
Intrigue around, intrigue around.
Not really large by any means,
Four years to paint with no machines,
We all wonder of what she dreams,
with lovely scenes, with lovely scenes.
What makes her still so liked today,
Or have we all been lead astray,
By simple smile, such disarray,
To our dismay, to our dismay?
Author notes
Painting by Leonardo DaVinci, 16th century, picture from Google
This is a monotetra, a poetic form developed by Michael Walker. Each stanza contains four lines in monorhyme. Each line is in tetrameter (four metrical feet) and has eight syllables. The last line containes two metrical feet repeated. Stanza Structure:
Line 1: 8 syllables; A1
Line 2: 8 syllables; A2
Line 3; 8 syllables; A3
Line 4: 4 syllables, repeated; A4, A4
Written May 11th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- It's About Time....... by Carpe Noctem.
300 points, ended September 7, 2006, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - American Idol...Poet Style Season 2 by poet2angels.
475 points, ended February 17, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Your Form Shine by 2lullabyhaven.
475 points, ended April 21, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1705 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 75 of 75
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I do like the picture
though I think she's frowning, not smiling.
But I expect it's all due to interpretation. -
Awesome-thanks for gracing my contest with it
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Thank you so much for your entry in our contest 'Love' to look for the best 'rhymer' on Allpoetry, in our opinion.
As we have had nearly 100 entries this has been a difficult contest to judge and although not a winner, we thoroughly enjoyed reading your entry.
We hope that you will enter the rest of the rounds in our Rhyming Extravaganza.
All the best Sue and Jeff.
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I have never personally understood the fascination with the Mona Lisa. It's a fine painting, but there are so many others I think are exceedingly finer.
I really like this form. The repetition is so interesting. -
Very nicely written. I like your writing syle. Thank you for entering my contest and the best of luck.
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Very nice, I enjoyed this one a lot.
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Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
Eri, A brilliant monotetra you penned on such a famous portrait. You captured the work so perfectly and created your own masterpiece from it. Having learned this form not too long ago I have quickly fallen in love with it for it's songlike quality due to the dimeter phrase at the end of each stanza. I can see why it has won a couple of awards already. Thank you for sharing the gift of your pen as always. Kudos for this phenominal piece. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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Very nice. I'm not crazy about monorhyme, but I like the bouncy, repetetive forces in effect here. I enjoyed the topic; it was fresh and original. I mean, how often does one read a poem about the Mona Lisa?
Thanks for entering, and good luck. -
3 claps...9pts
Reward from The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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Excellent penning of Form
Congratulations granny on the silver for this lovely form, the repeated pattern on each fourth line makes it seem quite lyrical...
I don't personally like the Mona Lisa but you have provoked my interest with your creative words and lines, some of them are much fun to read, you have brightened up the picture with this poem, that's for sure
So refreshing to click onto something a little bit different...
Much love
~Lilac
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Gorgeous! Your form is perfect, flow is flawless, story is interesting. Simply beautiful! Superb work!
~Lori
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What a wonderful tribute to that mysterious masterpiece. You did a great job with the form. The poem flows and reads beautifully. Kudos on both wins. >pixxie<
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I don't think that you missed out any of her charms, therefore I liked your piece better than the much over-rated Mona Lisa.
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Wonderful and deserving victory at this one!
It is wonderfully penned from ink of a poet, the ink that the poet has himself secreted out of his mere words and experiences...
Anyways, the repetition in the last line of each stanza was wonderful. The second stanza was thought provoking, loved that part of it...
Take care,
The Pole Star
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It is a very nice poem. It is a different outlook on the Mona Lisa. The woman in the painting holds many mysteries. I guess we will never know.
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great work on an interesting form! I can't say as i really like the Mona Lisa myself, but you've done a great job describing your appreciation for the piece!
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Wow outstanding the wonders of the painting holds us capatived as so does this write a showcase poem written here... written with strength power and lots of talent and the trophy's prove that thank you for posting this one for us bandits to read...
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Awesome.
This is such a masterpiece. I think you have done great justice to the world's most celebrated painting of all times. Great stlye indeed, that monotetra this is amazing. M learnign a lot here! LOL
Love, Bob.
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very nice..you should have gotten the gold! So I will give you three applauds..Pen On
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I always find it facinating when one can take an art form and write about another art form with such grace and you my dear have done just that. you get three happy clappy guys from me. well done
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Mona's no beauty. This poem is. A most enjoyable read I love the form, rhyme and flow of the whole piece One to keep an eye on Good luck in the contest
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I LOVE THIS!!!!
Simply breathtaking is the form and the language of this bveautiful piece...
I truly adore this...lovely flow and just fantastic...You score big with this judge
Lynda
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So very nicely done!
Thank you for sharing this and for being a part of the contest! Excellent! -
Yepper. I like that painting. Did you know that the face has the exact measurements of Leonardo's face? They say he used himself for the model. Dan Brown seems to have thought there was something to it too. Anyway, it's a cute poem.
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Very Good!
I was going to ask why were there repittitions in the fourth line,then I see it has syllables ,etc.Anything that has syllables in it is a very well written poem!
Score:8.3
Total Score:17.0
Average Score:8.5
A Very Good Score
Thanks for your entry and best of luck in the contest and for future writes 
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Ah France been there done that, as far as understanding the whole type of poem it is and such, I am not prone to really understanding it all, but I know a good write when I read one, and this is one of those, such a telling picture, and your ability to ask the right questions within your prose as well as the descriptive ideas you have behind the picture really enhanced the writing all together. excellent work.
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woooooooooooooow
sweeeeeeeeeet poem!!!!!! omg i went to france to and saw it isnt it beautiful! omg add me to ur faves ur so going on mine -
Sweet poem! Really sweet. I think, because of the form, the poem came out in a reallu nice way. Great job, and good luck!
~Udit -
I had never come across this form, it seems so new to me. I liked the way u hav portrayed her, marvellous. Yes, she led us all astray lol.. A tantaslising smile..
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This is an interesting form, don't think I've ever seen the likes of it before. Enjoyed the poem, (i've actually written one about this same painting as well), loved the questions posed. Thanks for sharing!
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My Brilliant Form
"This is a monotetra, a poetic form developed by Michael Walker."
------------------------------------------------
This is a ninetra, a poetic form developed by Tiki Cat.
The Ninetra
A ninetra is a poem with nine lines
Somewhere in the poem it must rhyme
I don't care where, but don't you dare
Write a ninetra that is rhyme bare
Nine lines, and there's one more rule
Besides rhyme, of course (I am no fool)
My new form of poem, is a good omen
Cause it must be about cats! Amen.
Yes, it must be about cats. Amen.
Professor Tiki Cat, PhD in Poetic Taxidermy -
Its seriously amazing!
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Yeah i liked this write, i'm not one for form its a little too constraining but you've done well within the boundaries, Mona who was she , what were her thoughts at the time of the painting,a fitting write to this famous art
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I think that this is a lovely write on a wonderful topic. Art is incredible in how it is perceived so differently by all. I like how you created questions for the audience, just as true art inspires them naturally. A beautiful combination of painted and penned art in my opinion!
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Sound
This poem works well on so many levels. I like that you have used form and I like that it has a subject - so many poems these days are too personal. I like the line with lovely scenes and I disagree about the last stanza and like the lines as I think the poem ends enigmatically which matches the theme. Don't change it! No applaud as this has enough applauds already so will save mine. -
I never understood what all the fascination was with this painting. There are so many others, by Da Vinci, no less, that are more pallettable to the eye. Nice poem, well thought out... I didn't want to take anything away from that. It's just the painting. It's well done, but very plain jane. If I was the curator at the Louvre, I'd stick it in a drawer somewhere.
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excellent! this was pure excellence!!!!! well done!
I loved this write. The Mona Lisa is a mystery, and you captured this well within your poem!
Keep it up.
Nikki
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Very nicley done. =) This one caught my eye since I am currently reading the Da Vinci Code. Very good book.
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I like the ryme scheme very much I never thought of doing a poem in that style. When I went to Paris and saw that painting I wasn't really impressed but now I want to go back after having read your poem. I just feel now like I under appriciated it. Thats the only downside of your poem. It's making me feel guilty
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Thumbs up
This is definetly a different style of writing that I had not heard of before. It is an interesting style and one that I will have to try in the future. Overall a very lovely poem.
Edited on May 18, 6:06 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Loved it!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to take the breath away
Of our young hearts of today
Without allowing for dismay
What is to say, what is to say?
Katie
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I like this piece. Very different from what I have read. I like the picture as well.
Though I still have doubts that the subject was actually a female. Very well done and I so love art.
Hugs and bites, Vampy -
Great job! I loved this descriptions of the amazing MOna Lisa Painting. The repititions make it that much better. Keep up the awesome work.
Until Later,
Songstress -
great
great poem! I liked the picture of Mona! good luck in the contest. -
Excellent
Again, excellent job, interesting form, enjoyable and enhanced this piece too. Great take on this interestingly famous painting. Excellent!
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Those repetitions are in phase, and give a wonderful effect to the whole presentation. May be you can strengthen the rhyme in the last Q to make it even more hardhitting.
D -
This is one of my most favourite pictures at the Louvre, it is even better when you are face to face with it !!!
This poem is a beautiful piece to go along with a beautiful picture ....well done !!! -
This is an amazing write, really enjoyed the form and the last line of each stanza added amazing power to the words before it. I used to live in Paris and spent many hours at The Louvre just staring at the Mona Lisa, it is the most amazing painting - thanks for sharing.
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My dear poetesse,your creativity is boundless.Time after time you create to a different form and imbue it with something of your own essence.This picture inspiration contest request to portray Mona Lisa without refering by name has been achieved masterfully.Personally I have never seen the allure of this famous artwork,would rather have a sunset on display,well done good luck in the contest,love and light,Yvette
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THis is great I have always wanted to see the Mona Lisa and go to urope and well maybe i will someday still but this is a good peom and before i read this i never notices that she didnt have eyebrows!!
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Wow this beautiful this was so amazing to read. I love the stucture of the poem very well written! God Bless!
~*Katrina*~ -
Something came over me just now while I was looking for that famous subtle smile of hers. It's there, but something else occured to me as I looked at her eyes!
It occured to me that she is looking, in real time, at the famous artist!
Might not give too many people goose-pimples, but it certainly did me!
Read this last night and think it is as beautiful as the subject!
John -
As if I'm hearing the sound of time, echoing through centuries! This repetition in each stanza is a direct hit!
Goog luck in the contest! -
"Not really large by any means,
Four years to paint with no machines,
We all wonder of what she dreams,
with lovely scenes, with lovely scenes."
I hadn't seen this form before, either, Erika...well done, Lady...I'm one that has always been intrigued by the Mona Lisa's subtle smile...I've often wondered what the cause of it was...Just like the picture of Albert Einstein, with a silly look on his face & his tongue sticking out...I thought "I want to know what he knows, to be that age, to have seen what he'd seen & still be able to be silly..." Good luck in the contest...Be well, Poet... Wanda
Edited on May 12, 9:08 p.m. because ''. -
Well Done!
grannyeri, Your poem on Mona sure aint no groaner, You develope your subject with facts and curious speculation and this form with the echoing last line of each verse works well here. Well Done!
Dennis
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not familiar with the form itself, but you did a great job with the rhyme as to just what is behind this Mona Lisa smile in so many ways. Much like Rae's comments above mine, I too heard that he used himself as the model for this painting...maybe that's the reason for the sideways-smile, who knows?
enjoyed the read, Gran and best wishes to you in the contest!
Jo -
This is the first time I have tried writing this form, and kind of enjoyed it. Not sure when I might use it again. That's the great thing about these contests - they push us to try new forms and styles that we would not otherwise.
Edited on May 12, 8:13 p.m. because ''. -
Yet another form I've yet to see and couldn't begin to master. Great one.~~~Suseann
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Lovely poem. I like the questioning tone and beat. Very smart and wonderfully put together. Nice descriptions, the first of its type I have ever read, and I do believe you did it justice.
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wow
Wow... i like the style of this poem. great write and it really makes you think. good poem, keep up the good work
john =) -
Whether a great deal of people know is the huge controversy about the Mona Lisa painting in aspects that DaVinci himself used his features as a guide while simply adding the feminie features on top of that. Anyways, as for the poem itself, honestly it was as if you conveyed your words in such a way that I felt every movement created. Plus, the form you choose to use for this write really makes the read all the more enjoyable
Rae
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I like this poem and i think the structure is very effective, well done, Mim x
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Glad you can do this, glad you can do this
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I loved this form, i had not seen it before and I was drawn to it just as one is drawn to that beautiful portrait. Loved the feel and flow and the thoughts of this piece. Great work from start to finish! Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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i like this style it flows well and now I have learned something new i never knew of this style before good luck in the contest!
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excellent presentation
This painting holds a special spot in my heart. I have always been intrigued by her, and I have been told that I have a Mona Lisa smile. LOL....
I love the way you told us about this painting, and the woman in it. It is still very much a mystery. I do enjoy imagining what made her smile for DaVinci that way, but that is another poem. ROFL....
Best of luck in the contest!
etherealforu
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I really admire you for your talent another wondeful piece. And you've taught me another poetry form a monotetra so thank you very much for that.
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This is wonderful! I've always wanted to see this painting in person. So intriguing and delightful. Another beautiful write by you! Always a pleasure to read your work Granny!
Allen0826
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i liked this a lot. expresses all of our questions about the meaning behind this painting. very nice. fun to read =o)
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this was another grand write from you gran..i always enjoy everything you submit.. it's a pleasure to read..peace..shzoosy
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Very cool style of writing here. The repeat at the end works well for you, and you know, you describe this picture do well and leave us so many little clues I could have easily guessed which you were writing about. These two lines:
By simple smile, such disarray
To our dismay, to our dismay?
Tie your piece very well, and I love the way "disarray" sounds so much like "dismay." In the third stanza, I like the way you grammatically change the sentence structure for the whole stanza, whereas most poets do it for only one line and lose some flow (I'm guilty of that myself). I like the way you do such good visuals, of course, but the excellence of the poem is the way you tie in thoughts and ideas after you state an obvious thing like the appearance and how society and others view it. -
The poem is pleasant.
Thank you. I had not seen this style before. It is an interesting way to write.
Jim -
I can see how the repetition works so well for you.
Good Luck. -
Face that launched a thousand ships !
I like this Gran! Always venturing into new things! I think this came out great given the parameters you had to work within!
You don't suppose she is giving "gang signals" do you?
Nah, she looks like a nice lady!
Regards......................John -
Yes, I believe all rules have been followed. Thanks for entering. I will comment on the content later on.
~Udit
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