Tears fell like rain down her pale cheeks,
Her bright blue eyes swollen red,
she stared at the open ocean,
Breathing in the dampened air,
The wind blew hard against her skin,
her long hair blew behind her,
Her soft pink dress flew with the wind,
She tasted salt in her mouth,
The green grass tickled her bare feet,
she spread her arms open wide,
She forced her eyes to watch the sun,
With every passing minute,
she stepped closer to the cliff edge,
until she felt the cold rocks,
she felt the oceans breeze flow in,
lifting her dress and her hair,
she looked at the rocks below her,
sharp rocks stuck out everywhere,
water swished in all directions,
she closed her eyes and breathed in,
she lifted herself to her toes,
Jumping lightly she dived in,
The rocks made small cuts on her skin,
The water as cold as ice,
numbing her body instantly,
she felt her lungs start to burn,
she felt herself slipping away,
far far away from the world,
away from the pains of the world,
the oceans breeze carried her soul,
to baby blue skies above,
and below her body floated,
in a deep blood red water,
her life drained away inch by inch
Author notes
Written May 11th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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very cool!!!!!
dearest little dark lady (i think that's so cute...lol)...for todays purposes, as i prefer to respond to all who have had the kindness to take time and read my work and either comm or applaud or even say a hello im, as soon as possilbe. So.... today...as i am SO PRESSED FOR TIME!!!!...i will only be leaving this short note and not a formal review/critique/breakdown. Know that you have received this because you have achieved the purposes of either, impact, flow, consistency, theme intent, form, rhyme or free-flow structure that was worthy of applause.
Thanks for your understanding ....and for a great read.
All the best............................Lionslove
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hehe Piper is right, it's like the ring...
but of course, this one is not meant to scare us.
Good flow, the way you described it is simply great. I like the first parts, and actually, I never thought she would kill herself... so personally I did not like how it end... but that's that
with all my feelings aside, I think it's a write worth to read.
~penz~
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very very descriptive...good imagery used and great word scheme...i liked it...alot...unusual i've read depressing poems about suicide in fact i've written alot but i have never read a death like that their normally all cutting ones....great work..
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Wow! That was very very descriptive. You know what it reminded me of? Have you ever seen The Ring? Cause in there, the little girl's mom jumps off a cliff, and this just reminded me of that. Anyway, I thought it was excellent. Keep writing!
*snap*
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