No music now.
Turn it off please, its much too loud.
And stop tapping.
Stop breathing in my ear - your breath
is too hot.
Too scented.
Too heavy a reminder.
My bed has moved. It smells wrong.
It smells of him.
And who's arm is that?
And where the fuck am I?
And where the fuck AM I?
I can't find the stairs, help me?
help, please, i can't.
What if there's a fire?
What if my lovely, pale
banded skin gets burnt.
I'm too dry - lets shower
lets bath like we used to
lets -
make love?
Do you remember how to touch me?
Can I let you that deep now?
No music now,
Its too loud.
No - louder! louder, i want to hear you.
I want to hear you above my noise.
I can smell you.
Feel you moving.
I always wanted you there, you know.
not him.
not him. Not them.
You.
just beautiful you.
Will you hold me?
Will hold me while i do it? please?
will you hold my hand?
It hurts, i need to.
Not alone.
Do you still find me attractive?
Even...like this?
With these marks?
Will you clean it up? I cant bear to look.
Or move.
And watch the sheets.
Don't kiss me - Don't talk
Don't wake me from these few seconds of bliss.
Don't love me.
Can you even love a shell?
No! Don't take them
Please, don't take them. I need it.
I do.
I can't help it, i need it please.
And don't send me back.
AND WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP. - just for 5 minutes.
I can't find the stairs.
And i don't know what I'm doing.
Do you love me even though I hate myself?
No music now, please.
I want to hear you breathing.
While I let myself stop.
Breath for me, its all too hard.
And where the fuck am I?
God, hold me.
There's someone outside my door.
And stood over my bed, get rid of him.
He wants to touch me.
He's death. I can smell him.
This bed smells of him.
I only wanted you in me - not him.
NOT RAPED BY DEATH.
If he's going to kill me do it now.
Now, please.
Or let me go.
OR LET ME GO FUCKER.
No music now.
Turn it off please, its much too loud.
And stop tapping.
And stop loving.
~
A response: allpoetry.com/Poem/2006041
Author notes
v personal.
my life in the small hours
Written May 10th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- I want to feel so sad, Gimme what'cha got... by PoEtS-bLeEd-InK.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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don't know what 2 say...
the poem is amazing..so r u...
love u hun..lori x -
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That seemed so genuine! I really liked the way it was written so freely, it was as though I was following your every thought and feeling as you were having them. You've captured a strong sense of desperation, very pretty and very sad
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beautiful.
x -
ty so much
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This is the most amazing poem ever, quite baffling, might take a couple of times to understand but all the same was fucking brillitnt!!
Thats not an over-exxageration either! I can feel the emotion so clearly.
A very well done to you
xXx -
How can you...
How can you write something like this? How can a human being write something so unearthly beautiful and sad...so penetratingly heavy with longing, so painful...Lily -
wow. i reli like your poem....amazing. inspirational!!
w.n. -
thankyou so very, very, very much
that comment means the world to me, and i'm so glad that you took so much away from it. seriously, it means so much that you took the time to read it and understand it
Hannahx -
Genius
Wow *pauses for a moment in amazement* That was like a rollercoaster ride, and I just wanna read it over and over again. Very personal, as you say, but almost more than that. I feel like you've opened a window into your mind for me, the reader... Quite an honour...
From start to finish the poem flowed really well and with every line I read, I just craved another. Like whiteroses said, it was captivating. Your repetition of certain phrases throughout really works well to tie the whole thing together as well as show another side to your mind - one of being caught in vicious circles.
"AND WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP. - just for 5 minutes." A wonderful portrayal of volatility that in this instance shows a desperation... for control perhaps? As surreal as the poem is overall I found it interesting to follow. It isn't at all difficult to read despite it's lack of straightforwardness (wow, i'm really making alot of sense tonite!)
This is quite an auditory poem and you've taken that a stage further by weaving music and sound-based threads into the main structure. ie. the music, the tapping, the breathing. This in turn suggests further sound-based connontations within the tone of the poem, like the extent of the noise. And at one point in my mind I could hear you screaming. (This might seem quite weird, but what I'm trying to explain is the impact your poem has. It's not just about those words and their particular definitions, it's about an entire scene and atmosphere you've created in the process - you are truly talented in this respect!!) Your use of form works brilliantly throughout to convey what you're trying to say (and more importantly how). For example,
"I always wanted you there, you know.
not him.
not him. Not them.
You.
just beautiful you." - The way the lines break up towards the end of this stanza combined with your use of punctuation creates a lot of emphasis on the words whilst also slowing the tempo down. Thus there's a great deal of concentration on that wonderful phrase "You. just beautiful you." which made it sound to me like you were becoming slightly lost for a moment there in the thought of that person ('You'). It's subtle, but brilliant, because it shows a depth to how much you care about them.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It's the best thing I've read all week. Genius!
mel xx
p.s. sorry for waffling on so much. I could go on but I don't wanna bore you anymore! I can't fault this - dont change a thing!
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oh by the way, what does Somnambulist mean?
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i feel you on tis. i know this feeling toooooo well. o i could tell you stories. i think the part that hit me was the part about the scent. its a proven fact that smell is the strongest sense we have to recur memories. and its not like finding the forgotton this or that. but that scent. and it doesnt even have to be theirs. you could be at the store or the park or anywhere and you smell that scent. cologne perfume whatever and whammo it all comes back to haunt you.
as personal as this is, we all can relate to this in so many ways. in that "sense" know you are never alone in your pain. we have all been there are there every day wtih you.
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thankyou so much. I'm glad you took something away frm the poem.
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this piece is stunningly captivating and i think, amazing. I loved the recurring phrase,
"I can't find the stairs," I know exactly the feeling and this poem really brought it to life. I also loved,
"Breath for me, its all too hard." Another feeling i am all too familiar with. You obviously have an amazing talent for captivating these feelings in words so please keep on writing. Great poem, Mim x
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thankyou. it works on a theory of a "stream of conciousness", so is ment to show spontaneous ideas.
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brill
I like your poem! Very unique! I liked the unique and unusal ideas u had and the way you didnt know where you were going! Haylow x -
thankyou very much
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I'm captivated... hypnotized by your words
Excellent.... excellent writin
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