Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Upon Your Eye's Version 2.

Upon your eyes
I'll smile my child,
And turn the red back green.
I'll dry the tears
You're drowning in
And fullfill your every need.
I'll cross your heart
And promise you,
You always will be loved.
You'll never be alone my child,
I'll watch you from above.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • birksy silver member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    That's a nice poem. Flowed very well, and full of emotion. That's what they're all about!


  • SwimForBetterDays.
    September 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Woww greant poem. Very touching.

    gabi


  • Koenigsreich
    March 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is just outstanding....i see a loving parent dearly departed, and leaving a farewell note. How can that not but leave a deep feeling in the little one?


  • WindLeaf
    August 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    If someone i loved [died], I would want them to say to me exactly what your poem relates. It is cute and simple, yet if you think about it, when someone dies, they don't have time to be elaborate, so i find it very fitting. Marvelous creation!

  • Just4u
    June 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    So do you speak of inner self
    that we so oft ignore
    When busy in the course of day
    as we go through life's door

    For often self we do ignore
    as world around does close
    And outward focused we become
    distracted I suppose

    But never must we forget
    the little child within
    for then distracted we become
    and that's a dreadful sin

    Hugs...Eddy

  • Kyrie Eleison
    May 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Really awesome poem, I can definatly tell that you love your child very much.

  • Forgotten Lyrics
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    YAY at new stuff. This is rather sad. But beautiful. I loved the image I get in my mind when I read this. I am glad you're writing again.


  • Realm of Shadows
    May 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!!

    Beautifully sad. This is a great poem as it conjures up so many conflciting emotions within me. I read it a few times just to make sure. And yes..... it touched me deeply. Very well done!! =)


  • -Joey- silver member
    May 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This poem makes me sad because it makes me think of people I love watching me but me not knowing it. Do I sound faithless? maybe, but its how I feel, and the poem moves me nearly to tears, I wish you would not talk or think about such things Leah, you are a gift to this world while you are in it, moreso than if you were not. I see my mom in your poem and it makes me miss her even more.

    much love and May God bless you,
    Joe


  • Sandygram silver member
    May 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    WONDERFUL POEM

    This was beautiful and heartfelt. I enjoyed reading your poem. Itr did seem you were writing about someone getting ready to die. Thank you for sharing. Take care, Sandy


  • Chained anti-christ
    May 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    how sad, some one old gonna croack or something... i hate these worlds and how they work but ok i can see it... good luck with the whole guidance from above simbah stuff. and keep writing............



    chained


  • leahcullen
    May 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hey, thank you so much for you comment...it's not actually about God, and the more I read it, the more I can see why you would think that, but it's actually about how I would want the people I love to think of my when I die...That I'll always be with them, even though Im not here anymore...does that make sense to you?? I dunno


  • DarkHunter
    May 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    Short and sweet. A touching little poem. Pretty sad though. These sounds like words from the heart. Is this a prayer as if God was speaking? After re-reading that's how I started to see it. Keep writing and posting your work. Nice piece of poetry.

1 - 13 of 13