Subject matter: Deranged thoughts.
Profile of inside a Manic Depressives head
Need to sleep.
I've got a block,
Inside my head,
I'm beginning to think,
I'd be better off dead,
Yes better off dead, better off dead,
And
I've got a pain,
Inside my head,
I wish I could kill it,
And live instead,
Live instead, yes live instead,
But
I can't stand it,
In my head,
It drives me crazy,
I wish I was dead,
Wish I was dead, I wish I was dead,
But
I'm trapped here
Inside my head,
Along with the others,
And they're not dead,
Alive instead, they're alive instead,
But,
I'm not alive,
Inside my head,
My soul is dying,
I'm crying instead,
Crying instead, yes crying instead,
And,
Can you hear,
Inside my head,
My screams for help,
Such screams of dread,
Those screams are loud inside my head,
So
What can I do,
Inside my head,
I'm going crazy,
Just crazy instead,
Inside my head, Inside my head,
And
Can You see
Inside my head,
My eyes are glazed
My soul is dead,
Soul is dead, yes my soul is dead,
So
What can I do,
About my head,
I need to sleep,
I need my bed,
I need my bed, yes I need my bed,
Because,
I've got a block,
Inside my head,
I'm beginning to think,
I'd be better off dead,
Better off dead, yes better off dead,
And
I've got a pain,
Inside my head,
I wish I could kill it,
And live instead,
Live instead, yes live instead,
But
I can't stand it,
Inside my head,
It drives me crazy,
I'd be better off dead,
Yes, better off dead, better off dead,
But
I'm trapped here
Inside my head,
Along With the others,
Because they're not dead,
Alive instead, they're alive instead,
But,
I'm not alive,
Inside my head,
My soul is dying,
I'm crying instead,
Crying instead, yes crying instead,
And,
Can you hear,
Inside my head,
My screams for help,
Such screams of dread,
Those screams are loud inside my head,
So
What can I do,
Inside my head,
I'm going crazy,
Going crazy instead,
Inside my head, Inside my head,
And
Can You see
Inside my head,
My eyes are glazed
And my soul is dead,
Soul is dead, yes my soul is dead,
So
What can I do,
About my head,
I need to sleep,
I need my bed,
I need my bed, yes I need my bed.....
Author notes
Option 1. picture: Behind the eyes
Deranged thoughts ..Manic Depression... Mental Illness.
Repetative and dark thought patterns. Each verse is written in a shape which looks like a hat. This is to represent the head. This poem has to be centre aligned to show the hat shapes.
A contest entry
- Lost love, Depression, Sad, anything depressing, upsetting and from the heart. by torn-apart-angel.
300 points, ended January 29, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Psychotic Poetry Wanted! by Acidanthra.
475 points, ended August 15, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Afflictions by SummerlandRayne.
466 points, ended September 1, 2007, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cigarettes and Depression. by BurnBrandMemory.
750 points, ended September 15, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Illness by kissing the lipless.
475 points, ended April 18, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I love the pattern of this piece.
I think it was a tad repetitive in word choice, otherwise word choice was good.
This feeling of helplessness, of hopelessness if one I am too familiar with, so I like that I can relate to it.
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Re: the repetative word choice. I think this is an accurate statement. Serious Manic episodes can produce very few words. As little as a dozen simple words can just run round and round and round leaving no room for anything more than that.
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It must be so awful and you must feel helpless. I certainly no that feeling of needing my bed, probably not in such a desparate way.
You've conveyed your situation well.
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heart touching, comfort to no that theres other people with similar things to me. i find it hard that people cant see whats goin on in my head, i try to explain ut they dnt understand. well done tho!
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I'm not really a big fan of repetition in poetry, but you got away with it very well actually
You have done a great job expressing yourself here.
Good luck in the contest!
Leander -
Quite good. In almost any other case, the heavy repetition would detract from a poem- but you really make it work. In fact, the repetition shows how never-ending the state of despair really is. And as a fellow bipolar, I can relate. Well done.
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I usually do not like repetition poetry but i thought this device really fit the mood you were attempting convey. I can understand this. I also have mental problems... j/k. I thought the little hat shapes were entertaining and interesting so I'll excuse the center align (nah, it's no biggie anyway). Anyway, I thought you could have done a bit better to add a little more substance to it- but that's okay. I can not judge how you feel inside. I thought this was a very interesting write. thanks for the entry.
~elizabeth~
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Congrats on your awesome trophies, this work deserves them all. Goodluck to you in this contest as well.lol
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"Can you hear,
Inside my head,
My screams for help,
Such screams of dread,
Those screams are loud inside my head,"
I love that line. You did an awesome job with this poem.
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very very good piece...unfortunately, you did not follow the rules
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Yes the secrets of the mind
I wish we could find the secrets of the mind so that not a soul would live with pain or thoughts not their own refusing them happiness and a painless life -
Aboslutely fantastic!
I loved this SO much.
SUCH A GREAT WRITE! and the form is beautiful!
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Wonderfull...descriptive of the misery you face day after day, night after night! I love the last, "I need to sleep, I need my bed!" I am chronic insomniac so I hear this loud and clear! Thanks for the entry and best of luck!
Love~
Az
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*Gasps for air* This has no breaks at all for the mind or respitory system!
The flow is good, yes, but it goes for so long without a break that my head hurts 
Content = good. Relating = more than easy.
Good job,
Bandaid. -
very interesting. I didn't expect a poem like this from that picture so I find this very intriguing. the emotion is good and the point of view is great. thankyou for entering and good luck
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this was really really good. i love they way you wrote it i absolutly loved it! its a fantastic poem and its sadd and i thought you wrote it well, good luck in the contest
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Nifty idea with the hat thing... Didn't notice that til I read your notes. Mental Illness captured very well. My mothers friends sister has Manic Depression and something else though I don't know if you did this deliberately was contradicting yourself or stating the opposite as in alive/dead... The two extremes... Manic and then that of depression, being almost opposites also comes out here... Also dark thoughts, confusion and feeling you are going insane, very common within this illness. Understood the criteria very well.
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This is a very interesting poem , and you seem to have a very amazing nack for ryming and writing from others prospectives. Great write and good luck.
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I loved that hats!
You wrote this really well, I liked where you reapeated the lines, it adds so much emphasis.
I really liked:
"I've got a pain,
Inside my head,
I wish I could kill it,
And live instead."
Instead of getting rid of the pain, you want to kill it, I found that intresting.
Thanks for your entry.
Best of Luck! -
Nice!
Very nice wright, I like the use of repetion! It flowed very well! I also like this style of writing..Great job, and I wish you good luck in my cotest! -
Thanks for the good wishes.
Blank. -
very very manac....but in the same sense...very very picturesque as well... great job...we will see how you shall fare my poet
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Thanks for your comments James.
Re: harder to read in long never ending format... thats the point of it.
To show the reader how difficult it sometimes is to deal with a condition such as manic depression when everything becomes like a long repetative hell-like blur and theres no escape from a never ending cycle.
the only escape route is sleep which is rare in people who are suffering with severe mania and so it goes on and on and on..... until exhaustion finally appears and sleep takes over.
If you look again at the poem, each verse is in the repetative shape of a hat this is to represent the head.
But I don't think anyone actually noticed that yet.
thanks for such kind comments.
Blank.
Edited on Oct 04, 12:32 because ''. -
Very Good
I like this, it's a very complex piece of work - you could split it more, as one long poem it becomes harder to read.
I really like the attention to detail, the layout and repeating of certain lines and phrases.
I certainly think this is one of your best pieces of work - it's different and well put together, certainly relates back theemotions and madness of it all.
Janes -
Hi Recluse writer.
thanks for reading and leaving a reply.
Blank.
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Fabulous way you have presented such valuable insight into the head of one that suffers mental anguish of any kind. Mine included. Sometime do wish I had other voices in there to talk to, but alas I do not. Alone with mine only and they do follow this format. Repetition, repetition get the message across! You succeeded in doing just that. Nice write Blank.
Reclue
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Wow, what a reply,, thanks for taking the time to read and your understanding of the piece.
This is a particular subject which i enjoy studying and writing about. It is so complex and extremely interesting.
Thankyou.
Blank.
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Top
I like the relentlessness of this poem and the way you feel the person is trapped inside their head with the same thoughts repeating and trying to get out of the cycle but just drawn back inside. This is sadder because the person wants so badly to live and can't get there. The whole presentation echos this feeling with the repetition of the stanzas and almost like a migrane sensation from the way the lines throb in and out on the page. I'm quite facinated by the whole concept of mental illness and find it is an interesting subject to explore poetically. That the words, the meaning, the visual presentation and the repetition in this poem all drive the poem forward and add more layers is a real credit to you. -
Hi Kardia.
thanks for reading this one. Didnt think this type was your cup of tea somehow?.
Your comments as always, are appreciated muchly.
Blank. -
Hi Blank.
Excellent piece. Works on so many levels, great work.
Kardia -
Hey, thanks for replying.
Blank. -
Thanks for reading.
Blank. -
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
Blsnk. -
i can really relate to this piece. awsome style of writting too..
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Very Cool
Wow very cool read. Love the poem and what it said. Like the words inside the head. Good luck to you and all the voices inside your head lol. -
this was an interesting piece. i've often felt this way so i can relate quite well. good job!
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