we wake up in the morning, knowing we've been blessed.
and mother nature calls us,we try to do our best.
we work all day, get home at night.
we rest good knowing, mother nature holds us tight.
nature is beautiful, we keep her at her best.
we do all we can do, when she puts us to the test.
we are so blessed, when mother nature is at peace.
she looks her best of all,when she sets in the east.
Author notes
i don't likie it that well. but it was for a contest
Written May 9th, 2006
A contest entry
- New members contest - May 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Nice attempt for the contest. A little tweaking
on another day works best for me.
You forgot
to post the option in the Author's Comment area.
If you would like to understand, don't hestitate
to ask any contest-holder, including this one.
Warmly, CookieZeal
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For the most part, I think you did a good job with this. The rhyming was done nicely and you have a good message. I’m not sure about the last line though. Are you referring to the sun? If so, I believe you may need to rethink it, because it sets in the west.
You might also want to consider going back and editing your entry to put which option you chose as well as the image that inspired it, to make sure you adhere to the rules completely. Without doing that, you cannot be eligible for a possible trophy and your entry can risk the chance of being removed. If you need help doing this, please let me know.
~ John
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Umm, the sun sets in the WEST. Actually, that will rhyme better anyway.
You poem began by flowing beautifully for the first three lines, and then it took a turn where it may need a little work. I like the positive outlook on Mother Nature. She needs a little cheering up from time to time. Good job overall. Patricia -
Another lovely poem to highlight the positive aspects. It is so cheering to read this write, thanks for the
write..
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This is a very nice little piece to read. It flows fairly well although there are parts where it is slightly off.
Please make a note in your author comments of which options you chose in order to comply with the rules.
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This was a quite an upbeat piece. The rhyming was okay for the most part, though the meter was a bit off. Also, you must put the option you chose in the author's comment section. There's lots of time to edit accordingly.
Thanks for entering, and welcome to the site.
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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Heck, I thought this was very enjoyable- of course we need to know which option you chose-but you penned a neat little upbeat ditty here
vj
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You have some very nice lines here.. a great write of natutre, I enjoyed reading your words. Thank you for sharing. You will need to add your option # to your author's comments area. Good luck to you and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
I don't really agree with your author's comment cause it's not bad at all this is a beautiful and uplifting poem that you've written in fact, and I like that
please remember to put in your author's comment the option number you picked
thank you for entering this contest
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This isn't really all that bad. The rhyming works but what you could do is bring this to 16 lines and not 8. This would work better and make the flow work better.Good luck in the contest. Don't forget to add your option numbers in your comment box
WELCOME TO THE AP SITE
Dawn -
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This is really a pleasant poem to read. Be sure to put your option in your authors notes. I like the way you approached the topic. One thing I notice is that you tried very hard to punctuate the poem. I think there are some places that you put in too many commas to try to make your rhythm clear. What I would suggest is to break the lines and make it look like a longer poem. Then you will have the option of punctuating less or forgoing punctuation altogether because your line breaks will make the rhythm clear. It would only make your poem 16 lines instead of 8 so you would still be under the 20 line maximum set for the contest.
I know that it has already been mentioned that the sun sets in the west and I understand why you picked east because of the way your lines are rhymed. Of course, it is always possible that you wanted it to be different, which is fine if that is the case. If it isn't and you want to fix it, try tweeking the first part of that thought
Instead of
when she sets in the east.
try something like
upon rise in the east
rising in the east
or something similar. I am sure you will be able to work it out in a way that you like it and by all means if you like it the way it is, don't change it
Good luck in the contest and welcome to AllPoetry
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Very nice!!!!!
Peepy, This really isn't as bad as you think. It has a nice ring to it except that last line. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. West would also rhyme better with test.
You also need to put in the option here. Keep up the great work and best wishes in the contest. Welcome to All Poetry and enjoy many happy hours at this site. Joyce
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