I hate this darkened place
I hate the feelings it invites
I hate breathing in its air
And I hate the hatred it ignites
It clutches at my throat
It tears at pieces of my soul
I think Im over-flowing
I think that Im losing control
Pulling at my hair
Scratching nails over skin
Rocking back and forth
Hearing the screeching violin
Overwhelmed by the silent screams
Breaking all the pretty things
All the colours fade to grey
Held up just by puppet strings!
Author notes
Think about it... if you cut your puppet strings would you be able to stand?
Written May 9th, 2006
A contest entry
- Give Me Dark by The.Tango.Emily.
600 points, ended July 31, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARK by skilter.
350 points, ended August 15, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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very well witten and I can relate very much so. it is like you are just out of control with everything around you and the only thing helping you stand are those little puppet strings that control your actions and when broken b.c you are only hanging by them its all over...your strings are broke...shaaa bammm no more life/ no more puppet....thanks for allowing me to read your piece it was very well written and I enjoyed the flow very much.
best of luck to you in the futue and with your wrting.
andi
(redhanded)
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who's the puppet? life itself? well written brings new questions to the term "puppet string"
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bravo
This really is a pretty neat and nifty poem throughout, with some finely devised lines. I enjoyed it a great deal, indeed!! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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wow
That is so awesome. You definitely projected your emotions well. Best I've read all day. You deserve the applause.
Thanks for your comment <33
Aura
Rock on -
Darn that's fantastic. I know that feeling and I have been going through it. Fantastic describing words and rhymes. It fit together so easily. GUESS WHO I'M ADDING TO MY WATCH LIST?? or favorite list? i dont' know what it's called...
anyway
Great work. TA TA! -
There is a contest running now that this would fit in perfectly. It's about mental disorders. The subject in this piece seems to be quite disturbed. The imagery is startling, and very cleverly written. I love the rhyme and flow. A finely crafted writ you have here. Excellent!
Much Love,
Renee
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The repetition of hate is fine upto L2, and after that it is little jarring to this reader. "hate" and "hatred" seemed to be little too close by in L4. I however see the intent, that you want to create a dark, brooding atmosphere with the repetition. If you budget your cliches, I think your poem has a lot of potential.
D
Edited on May 20, 11:27 because ''. -
well a really dark poem. i love the thought you conveyed in this poem. rhyming was amazing. you have a very good talent. keep writing. i love your work
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Nice poem.. Very well expressed feelings.. Just love the subtle dark overtone..
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Great poem. So emotional. Feelings very well expressed. And that is a great question in your author comment box. You are very talented, thank you for sharing. Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem as well. Jeannie D
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great poem, you're author comment is something worth thinking about. good to see you writing again. take care, sarah
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