I detest you
with all that’s left in my heart
but you are lucky...
there is not much left there.
It’s vacant.
Percing echoes
bounce back and forth.
It’s vacant.
And only my tears leak
from its walls.
I detest you
with all that’s left in my heart
But it’s empty
So I lie.
~11:50PM~
Author notes
it literally took 80 seconds.... so don't be to harsh....
yeah yeah... i'm not feeling well, so what...
but i would love to hate him
Written May 8th, 2006
In a list
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Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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this is the poem you were refferring to? It got sooooooo muuch applause lol..I can see why you don't like it, it's exactly the same reason I don't liek my rough drafts....not that I can put it into words or anythign
lol.
It is amazing, because of it's lack of lengrth, which adds power. Furthermore, it's a powerful statement..I hate you, then you retract it completely. Read it yourselffrom another's perspective, and yo'll see what I mean.
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Encore!
I could really feel the hate flowing from this poem. Perhaps a ex of some sort caused you some pain that scared you deeply. Or not, all I know is this is a good write and I am REALLY looking forward to reading some more of your writings. I should have some new writings up soon, just as soon as I get to writing them. Keep them coming. -
That's great! And taking into consideration that it only took you 80 seconds to complete it... it's amazing!!! Even though it's really short and simplistic, it's very effective and brings across that feeling of hate really well. The ending made me smile actually... 'so I lie'
LOL
I liked: "i detest you
with all that’s left in my heart
but you are lucky...
there is not much left there."
I think it sounds really poetic... the way you say I hate you with all that's left in my heart but there's nothing much left there... and how in the next stanza you described the vacancy in your heart was really cool... that was my favorite stanza. You really deserve all the applause that you got... y that is alot! Good work and keep it up!
Julia -
OMG, you are awesome. thank you for reading and the comment
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brilliant
I LOVE THAT. THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU WOULD REALLY LOVE TO HATE. i love the description of the heart that is void of hatred, nothing left but echos bouncing back and forth and the tears that are like blood on the walls. oh my God!
it is brilliant. i love it -
WOOOOOOW ! THIS IS JUST AS WONDERFUL ! THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL ENTRY !BEST WISHES IN THE CONTEST ! LOVE !
YOUR FAN,
TRUTHWRITER . -
well done
It's a wonderful write. It's very well voiced. You have a wonderful talent -
Nice job! I really love it. Hey dont be harsh on yourself. I think its great. a vacant heart and soul. i love it.
<3
Ramona -
a vacant heart, a hollow existence...been there myself...well written and an enjoyable read. Kudos
Rory -
I really liked this, well done. Simple and very effective.
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Sad
Sad, but good -
Awesome
I loved it, great job! -
This makes me want to laugh a little, the ending is what did it, lol, so I lie...it just made me laugh...wonderful write though. Especially to be done in 80 seconds. Keep up the good work!
~Ashley -
Superb
Incredible imagery in so few words!!
It’s vacant.
Piercing echoes
bounce back and forth.
It’s vacant.
And only my tears leak
from its walls.
Those are really moving words!! Fantastic write for only 80 seconds!!
Edited on May 11, 8:31 because ''. -
GREAT POEM, GREAT BACKGROUND, AND YES, IT'S OK TO FEEL THIS WAY AT TIMES, WE ALL DO SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, AND REAL LOVE WILL COME TO YOU, I'M SURE YOU DESERVE IT!!
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written well. when we are hurt or lonely. these kind of things run through our mind. you have great talent, and yes ,don't let anyone have that much power over you.let go and let god heal your heart . im not preaching ,just that i know god is an awsome god,and if we ask him he will enter our lives and make a great difference in it ok god bless you and keep up with the great writing ok
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Excellent
Yep! Whammo! Excellent speed writing. The mind and soul must have been combining for this one! Imagination plus and raw feeling tooboot! Thanks for the pleasure -
You got your message across clearly and shortly. I could feel the poem instead of just reading it. It is awesome.
-Rhiannon Rabbit -
nice
wow. now this was very interesting. how your tears leak...very nice. -
i thkn i have read this only recently .... it is powerfully emotive
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excellent
brilliantly penned full of imagery and emotion...your words have just captured the situation, the layout just one.. awesome write..
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oh poop...i already commented on this
i hate when i do that...sigh.
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Ok, first of all, you have amazing talent to channel your emotions directly to the reader, to let us know exactly how you are feeling and what you think. Its amazing the way this poem impacted me within seconds of reading it. Amazing write <3
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This is the best poem I've read that was written in 80 seconds. lol. That takes talent. My favorite lines were these:
But it’s empty
So I lie.
Because those 2 short lines alone not only appropriately conclude the poem, but they create a feeling of hate and also are the strongest lines. On the poem as a whole, I say it is a great write! Bravo! *begins throwing roses at your feet*
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very emotional poem. well written, captivating the reader and instantly getting their attention. i agree with juffle 242. don't let him control you and give you such anger. forget him, free yourself, and move on. search for someone who will let you, instead of hate, love.
-tambolparaDiyos -
Powerful
Very sad and very angry piece. Anger is such a weird thing. I know that when we are hurt it is so hard to get through it. One thing that I have learned and followed for a while now is if someone is able to get us that upset or that angry, that means that they have power over us. We are the only ones who truly direct our lives. Do not let anyone have power over you.
juffle242 -
I actually enjoyed the words...short and to the point, yet the end had a slight twist that lingers on in my mind. Nice write, especially for the time it took you!
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Oh have I been there...I see it only took 80 seconds however you poured alot into those 80 seconds...We have all loved someone that we would love to hate at some point...I wish you luck in this situation of the heart...Trina.
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SO short, but so complete. It tells everything you are feeling in all its intensity. And what held me the most is how the last line stole the entire poem and made me question how you truly felt.
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love this
your feelings of anger and pain came through quite vividly
it was like being punched in the gut over and over
i daresay you did good job!!
if this took all of 80 seconds what could you do in 2 min
well done! -
I wish this weren't so short but it's still pretty good nonetheless, and I know the feeling. For me it was my grandfather. How 'bout you? Ex-boyfriend? That's what I'm guessing. Anyway, this is pretty good. - oce
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you wrote an amazing poem its really good//imma go read more of your work!!!
Kelsi
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Ohhhhhhhh!!!! This is sooooo sad!!!! I can relate though!!!! If only we could hate them it would be soooo much easier!!!! This is a great write!!!!
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well done - so clearly communicating the betrayal and emptiness of your heart - it flows well - leading the reader to the conclusion that to detest one must have some emotion - and yours has been spent ....
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Well done this is a well written piece of poetry and your comment you would love to hate him I have a poem Love to Hate thin line between th etwo they say this is an awesome poem good job
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i love this poem...
i think the repetition really helps to get your message across.
i love the last lines of the poem
"I detest you
with all that’s left in my heart
But it’s empty
So I lie."
it ends the poem well... Great write! -
it seems to repeat itself, but because of that it puts it into our minds once again. nice write.
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Very well done. You throw alot of emotion into a short write and that is not easy for alot of people. Very strong and emotional, worth of a gold anyday.
Best of luck in the contest. -
I was told that its not very easy to fit alot of description and feelings into a short write. But i think you knocked it straight on the head! Well done
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TANK YOU TANK YOU, hellbound lol
muchos thank you for the comment. and yes, it could be seen as a parting argument. in fact... it is :-P
thank you
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I enjoyed it l4l.. It was a good and simple declaration of feelings.. well done... It seemed to be like a parting shot in a argument with a former loved one.
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Very nice piece, filled with sadness and pain. Loved the feeling and flow. Great job! Keep your pen forever flowing!
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this is intersting.. I enjoyed it and it left me musing.. I feel the same about some one..
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This was such a sad poem to read and I felt maybe a little anger thrown in for good measure !!!!!!
Well written and indeed a pleasure to read ... thankyou for sharing and well done xxx -
for eighty seconds worth of work you sure did an awesome job. wow!! i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered though i do not think you will need it. viyanna rosemarie langager
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great poem
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It’s vacant.
Percing echoes
bounce back and forth
That part, alonmg with the whole poem, is awesome! I seriously llove it!! -
There's no problem with 80 second poems; short and sweet or in this case short and sour You did a good job huney don't let anyone tell you different!
~Lonely~ -
seriously... lol. it was a really quick write. lol. no lie.
and why stay? i did not.... lol
Edited on May 09, 10:19 because ''. -
Whoah! Someone must have really ripped your heart out for this piece. Very good write indeed!
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80 seconds filled with eaons of feeling ... a brilliant write
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Very sad poem...you have really managed to express your anger and sadness well. That`s one of the great essences that this poem has. Keep up the good work!
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Perhaps 80 secs is exagerating,lol, 5 mins I will settle for,lol, emotional,why stay if you detest the person? the poem creates questions, which is not a bad thing,woulod like to see a follow up, this the 1st "the fury of anger"then the feeling when the anger has burnt inself out, I liked it a lot, but think you can do so much more with this write by doing nmore verses, all the best Di
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Good
Wow.....this must be a hate love poem... it's very dark and cold, but good at the same time. keep it up... god bless you! -
hate is so close to love it's scary...it's when you feel nothing for someone that they are truly out of your heart
i like the form you've written this in...it's rather random and fits perfectly
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Elegant
It bears witness to you it hard to love easy to hate. Love is a good thing. It brings out all of these excellent poems. Someday you will look back and see how one has grown in life.
It comes with tears, greif and sorrow where we learn the true lesson of life. Self growth is never easy nor is there a quick fix. I send my love to heal a small part of you heart. Reach out to hold you hand. Jesus keeps your tears in a bottle.
Sending love and hugs. -
. I am sorry that someone has created such havoc in your life and I am sure that your heart feels empty. Fortunately it is only temporary though (I saw a part of your heart, and I know that it is one that will keep caring) . In the meantime I wish that I could make better whatever it is that is bothering you right now......it is a lot of things that are on your mind though , and you just have to keep believing in yourself.....
much love,
xoxoxoxoxo
reenie
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this is good and you said it didnt work it was good i liked it alot your a really good writer, writers block or not you always seem to amaze me
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Elloquent
Hey...I'll pump your heart with something that'll jumpstart ya'.......just kidding, I'm half assleeep don't mind me.....Out of the blurryness of my eyes I saw a masterpiece...rock on...
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