In Flanders Fields
And those poppies, to represent the blood
If you caught that
(I never cared to, or did
and thought it gruesome)
war
for an economy
milk and honey
milk and honey;
an engine, churning for (and up)
a country (and spewing it back out again)
for there is nothing
but field, and fighting
and a lark.
And a bird is a bird,
But we all may be, too
For when a boy is a man
Is a man
Is a recruit
And the poppies
(incantation, incantation
poppies, red
blood thirsty nation)
milk and honey
I am thirsty
In Flanders Fields.
(c) jsakal'06
Author notes
Written May 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- Away from the Cliché by Someone.
350 points, ended May 26, 2006, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Criticism of the world/life/society/religion/god/government by ggirll90.
450 points, ended November 19, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
this poem speaks to me in a rly weird way! i cant explain it, but i can say this, i can totaly understand where ur coming from. this is a great write! keep writing! i cant rly get the whole "And those poppies, to represent the blood" thing, but plz explain it to me in a message or something! thanks for entering! and good luck love!
-
For a second, I thought that you had plagarized one of my favorite poems, but after reading down a couple lines, I know now that it was an allusion.
The weak points: this poem read like a political statement more than it did a poem. "milk and honey/I am thirsty/In Flanders Fields"-it seems to me that right there your storyteller has changed positions. Is he/she against the war or for it (though I can pretty much tell that you personally against it)? If the narrator was against the war at first, why did he/she change posistions? I also never got why you wrote the 3-5 lines of the poem. To me, that seems to take away from everything else that you have written.
The strong points: I love the allusion to "In Flanders Fields". Your comparison of the poppies to blodd really makes me think. I also, despite how I dislike that you can't seem to make up your mind on where your narrator stands, like that you wrote the last lines "milk and honey/I am thirsty/In Flanders Fields." It describes how gruesome the machine of war really is.
Keep in mind that though I am awarding points in a contest and that I am trying to be as objective as possible, this is only my opinion. All work is subject to criticism, whether it is positive or negative. Be prepared to accept all constructive criticism. It will make you that much better of a writer.
~David "Someone"
5/12/06
Adding your comment:
