Last night
I was out of
myself...my heart had been
stolen...where the hell was he gone
The Thief !!
Author notes
Option II
Written May 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- New members contest - May 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Nicely written for the most part. The use of the ellipses (series of periods) can be overused, however, and cartoon any
kind of a write.
Cinquain is attempted and I know you'll even do better
given some practice and reading others' work. That has always helped me. Thank you for entering and welcome to the site! -
The cinquain seems good. I've never written one, but I'm learning to count. LOL I have to say that I was a little taken aback by this, but then, your approach took me by surprise. Good job. Good luck in the contest. Patricia
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Technically for syllable count, you did a nice job with this. I think it would be wise for your future attempts to research the cinquain a little more to really nail it. I would also suggest that you change the word “hell” in the fourth line, due to the rule of no foul language. It’s kind of a stretch, but still falls within breaking that rule in my opinion. You can always go and change it back once the contest is over.
~ John
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A very good attempt.. Keep it up ! There doesn't seem to be a continuity, if u could check that out then this would be made gorgeous
Good luck..
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This was a nice try at a cinquain, although I have to say that I found that it didn't flow too well.
It is still a nice piece and I liked reading it.
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This is a pretty good attempt at cinquain. The line breaks worked okay, and the message was conveyed.
Thanks for entering, and welcome to the site.
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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Definitely different form the others I have written. I enjoyed the diversity you brought to the contest. Nice job!~vj
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There are different ways to interprete this poem... You can seek into the sad category, but to be honest, I had a little chuckle with this one it's kinda sweet in fact what you've written here (if you think about someone stealing your heart as in 'love' )
thank you for taking the time to enter this contest!
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I agree I think many would be able to relate to the feeling described here. I like the wording you used to do so. Thank you for entering the contest and following the rules. Good luck to you and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
It looks perfect to me now. I didn't see it before, but it looks like all your syllable counts are correct. It is a very unique catchy little poem that I think many people can relate to. Well done.
Best of luck in the contest and welcome to AllPoetry
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Hi
I'm new too. I guess so... LOL THis contest is for new members. LOL Your poem (cinquain) has a very witty twist to it. It starts off very serious, as it seems, and ends by giving ther reader a peaceful smile. This is nice. Good luck! -
New to this:-)...is it ok now?
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Welcome to the AP site
For a cinquain you have done a good attempt. What would make this better would be if you were to edit it abit and count the words on the lines. Good luck in the contest
Dawn -
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Need some editing
Nice attempt for the cinquain. However you didn't count your syllables correctly. This would be very good if you take a look and edit it. I would like to see it judged in the contest.
Also, don't forget to list option 2 in your author comment box.
Welcome to All Poetry and enjoy this great site.
Joyce
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