The floor flickered with florescent light,
My heart felt empty and numb,
mother nature was daunting my every dream,
Unable to awake,
I see a figure,
mother nature in despair,
I felt a finger nail run across my body,
Gently peeling away at me,
My mouth defiantly unpeeling,
No sound Cumming out,
Stuck in a trance,
My body shook violently as i attempted to reawaken,
a sharp pain,
a knife dug deep into my leg,
Blistering agony,
Deep emotions,
Haunted by mother nature ,
My dreams were a misery,
Now I had to accept that I have to accept fate,
I will be daunted in every miserable dream!!
Written by Jason milsom age 15 inspired by picture 2
Author notes
Written May 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- New members contest - May 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Excellent descriptives. Tight overall, with a few places
that need spellcheck and tweaking. I echo my colleagues'
comments on following the complete criteria of not only
this contest, but any one of them! Welcome to the site.
Warmly, CookieZeal
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So much imagery going on, and it tells an interesting story putting the reader in the poem. In the third line, did you mean "dawn ting," or did you mean "daunting?" There are a couple of places that were confusing as to spelling or typos, but otherwise, I liked that you put Mother Nature into a dream. Good luck in the contest. Patricia
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For the most part, I think you did a nice job with this. There are some places where your spelling needs some attention, but other than that, you have a good dark write on your hands here.
~ John
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Reading the title, I expected some fluroesence.. rather it is dark.. Strange.. But still, managed to write well. But still, the spell check needs to be done. Why dont you do it quick.
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This poem was quite interesting to read, a unique interpretation of the image. I would suggest you take Stacy's advice and correct the spelling as there are a number of errors and also put your author comments in the correct place.
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This was a very dark write indeed, and a rather quirky but interesting interpretation of the image. There are a couple spelling errors: dawn ting in line 3 should be daunting, and Comeing in line 10 should be coming.
Also, I notice you did put the option, but it needs to be in the author's comment section - that's the text area below that of the poem. If you need assitance with this, just contact any of us greeters.
Thanks for entering, and welcome to the site.
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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ew...Mother Nature is the evil enemy here. Usually it's us-but you have turned the table-interesting perspective. I hope you get the corrections asked for taken care of so that you will be eligible for a possible trophy.~vj
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Well this is definately thought-provoking what you have written here, and also very dark in fact... I like the different approach you have towards the theme of this month
Please remember to put the number of option you chose to write about in your author's comment
thank you for entering the contest! -
I really like dream themed poetry.. real or not. This would be a very interesting dream to have..I would spend days trying to figure it out. you have some great descriptions here. your option # should be placed in your author's comments, the smaller box just under your poem text in the edit area. If you need any help just ask. Best of luck in the contest and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
Definately an interesting take on the photo. I must point out that in line 10 there is a word you need to change the spelling of for the purpose of this contest. The spelling you have chosen makes the write adult themed, which is against the rules of this particular contest. So you will want to change the spelling for now. If after the contest is over, you wish to change it back, you will simply need to make sure to put it in the Adult category. Here is a link to the site policies.
allpoetry.com/special/shortpolicy
Toward the bottom of the page under the "Do Nots" #13 should give you the information you need about proper categories. Of course, if you have any additional questions concerning content, etc., feel free to contact the site moderators. They will be able to assist you with any questions you have.
I do want to commend you for following the other rules of the contest . This is a very original write that gives us a lot of imagery to work with. In the third line, I really like your use of --dawn ting-- rather that daunting. It sort of gives vividness to the flickering of the florescent light in the first line.
Nice job. Just make the suggested change as I would hate such a vivid write to be DQ'd from the contest. It would be a shame because it is very very good. -
This is a dark write that you have done here. you do need to bring it down to 20 lines.
Good luck in the contest
Welcome to the AP site
Dawn -
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Very dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very dark write you have done here. I hope you don't truly look at mother nature in that sense. You need to do a little editing for typos and condense it to 20 lines to stay within the parameters of the contest. Also, don't forget to list the option and picture number you got the inspiration from. Best wishes in the contest and welcome to All Poetry Enjoy this great site.
Joyce
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