I find it funny how human things occur...
Can you hear the frequencies?
A lash that curls into eyes to sting?
A vocal sphincter tightens toxic streams...
Communications, visions... thoughts and feelings.
I can find it all amusing... if I only clench my eyes.
Time does flow and ebb just like a tree,
with a ratio of trunk to branch to leaf.
Sometimes we observe a quicker pace,
others; a slow, relentless, painful race.
Beneath the frailty of skin,
And event-horizons below the mind,
so far beneath reality, our eyes cannot find.
Yearning some acceptance. What an illusion...
This life fires silently,
Injuring so tragically,
It was meant to be a healing phase...
Not a dire consequential race!
And throughout it all,
Tears shall pierce triumphantly.
Author notes
Its strange... I read over this poem and change a couple words and suddenly it evolves into something so much more then what I had first conceived it to be.
Written May 8th, 2006
Revised, August 11, 2008!
I changed the wording of the "Beneath the skin" stanza, as well as a few other minor alterations.
What did you think
Comments
-
Thanks alot for reading into it so much and giving it a chance, you are a kind soul!
-
You have a unique sense of rhyme in this poem,
something that allows it to stand alone with
originality when compared to the other pieces
in the contest, but this isn't necessarily a good
thing all of the time.
When a poet is so loose with their language, as
you are in this piece, it sometimes alienates the
reader more than bringing them in on the secret beauty
of the poem.
While I can't say that I didn't enjoy this piece,
it does feel like it's missing something. Whether
that is a more serious tone, the emotional complexity
of free-form or just something that I personally can't
find, I'm not sure what it is, but I can sense that
something that I need as a judge to really attach
myself to this, isn't there.
But then again, when I approach this as if it was a
spoken word piece, everything changes. The words
are alive with the authors voice. Each one a different
texture, a new image, a new world.
This realization changes my view as a reader from
drab and chaotic to vibrant and beautiful. I especially
loved the way you twisted the language in the poem
to bend and sway in such a manner that every single
word feels like it fits, like it has a deeper meaning.
The human qualities you brought out of the text
is very affecting.
"This life fires silenty,
and injuring so tragically,
It was meant to be a healing phase...
not a dire consequental race!"
Lines likes this resonate with such emotion
and depth, as well as an intelligence beyond just
the usual boundaries of thought. This isn't just
another aching regretful poem that mourns the end
of humanity or how tragic life really is. Instead you
take instant truths, things that effect everyone and
make them shine in such a way, you wouldn't even
know that some of your tone here is essentially dark
and prophetic.
It's truly amazing how often first assumptions can be
so wrong it's not even believable how badly you've
been run astray. After one read, I would have said,
"I'm not really sure about that piece.", but that would
have made me such an asshole. And seeing that I don't
read my entries just once, instead nearer to three or
four times, five even or more if the poem is really good,
I have saved myself from such a horrible status.
So, even though at first I didn't really like this,
by now that has all changed. I am quite delighted
with your entry and enjoyed how you managed to
send a message to your readers without making
the poem too in-your-face or too complex and
imagery driven.
Instead, your words speak for themselves. They
are the images and that's something very inspiring.
How you have managed to weave such a wonderful
tapestry together, mixing suffering and hope
to form one amazing poem.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
All the best,
James
Edited on May 13, 2:51 p.m. because ''.
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