Sleep companion
Converse my telepathic dreams
awaking; lullaby screams.
I'm aroused when your not around
quivering behind a bar that separates rhapsodized humanity.
Our vehemence,
One that caught my eye so bluntly
Stands until sleepy.
Not so much about the gloaming
as in the morning.
Patina eyes, crested skin marks and connect the dot love.
Pies, skies, breakfast eyes,
You are my sleep companion.
Its for our sake that when we wake
that I stir second.
Masturbate, say that you just sat there,
drink your coffee and play video games.
we watch them figure skate and I'm just not ready for the morning.
Sitting tired, angry, unemotional, stolid.
We can see her little head and today,
I'd like to squish it.
Only you, darling are the succor.
Author notes
give me a thought.
Written May 7th, 2006
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Truly odd rhyme, but it
works to your advantage.
Honestly, when I first
read this, really just
skimming on my first
read-through, like I
usually do, I thought,
"Oh my god, this is
the most crazy shit
I've ever read". And
if I was to just throw
a poem off from skimming
alone, I would be the
biggest and most stupid
ass in the world.
But' I didn't just
stop there. I've read
this poem three times.
Once skimming and then
two times completely
thorough, line for line,
each stanza broken down
in front of my eyes.
And through this experience
I have seen that this poem
has more to offer than I
though it did when I first
read it.
Your unique use of language
is extremely catchy and doesn't
let up throughout the whole
piece. Bordering slightly on
humor but not.
Although I do think this
stanza might have gotten
a bit freaky with the
rhyming words that compliment
the rest of the piece, but
overdo it here:
"Its for our sake that when we wake
that I stir second.
Masturbate, say you ate
drink your coffee and play video games.
figure skate, your not ready for the morning."
All the "ate" words are just too much
for me, but otherwise I'm pretty happy
with this entry.
Really, it's usually something that I
would hate, but I don't judge poems
based off what I'm "comfortable"
with.
If a piece challenges my personal
preferences and gives me proof
that it's more than just dribble,
the author gets my respect no
matter what and the poem is
still a good poem in my eyes,
regardless of how out-there it
might be.
An effective modern twist on
a very old tradition.
Bravo. I liked this one
quite a bit. It crawls
on you like a pretty dress
and never leaves you cold.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
All the best,
James
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