There's only one name connected to me
it tells who I am, it shows I am free...
It's followed me through many a season
I know its misspelled, but there's a reason.
Molasses, so called, a childhood nickname
given by my dad as he staked his claim
on a little girl, innocent and frail
as I screamed in fear, still he did prevail.
He taught me that love was the same as sex
it is simply what any man expects.
An object of his wicked affection...
I thought that his job was my protection?
He would stroke my hair and smile lovingly
he'd tell me that I was such a beauty...
I knew what that meant: the nightmares consumed
my ev'ry moment: for sex I was groomed.
Haunted by the phrase, "Molasses, my sweet",
screaming so frequent, it was my defeat...
I hid in drug's haze to hide memories
and coated my heart with hate's icy breeze.
Innocence Stolen by a thief in the night...
I acted a fool, went from man to man;
abuse was my lot and from love I ran.
Adulthood was filled with violence and hate;
I simply believed that it was my fate.
That's where it came from; this nickname of mine
but to his abuse I wouldn't resign.
I overcame all that he did to me
and from his abuse I'm totally free.
So I choose the name that gave me such grief
to express that I overcame that thief.
I changed the spelling for it signifies
I'm not that person nor what it implies.
So... there you have it... why I go by Molassis...
Author notes
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Written May 6th, 2006
In a list
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1 - 29 of 29
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Mmmm
Never forget...you are loved. -
How depressing...you're so brave...
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OMG
how sad i'm so sorry.have you forgiven your father? i wouldn't have the strength to,but anyway its an awsome poem you've written.i especially love:
Haunted by the phrase, "Molasses, my sweet",
screaming so frequent, it was my defeat...
I hid in drug's haze to hide memories
and coated my heart with hate's icy breeze.
Innocence Stolen by a thief in the night...
That parts my favorite.You're a very good author.
-R.A.* -
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Thanks for the comment, it's much appreciated!
To answer your question; yes, I've forgiven him. Sometimes though I find myself in the place where I have to choose to forgive all over again. It can be a daily battle but the reward I recieve is greater than the pain of forgiving...
Once again, thanks so much for your comments.
~Melissa
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All I can say is that I'm honored to be chosen as a favorite by you. You are truly remarkable to have survived this and forgiven your father. Also, you pen the truth, which contributes to your healing as well as the healing of others.
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Chilling
I remember reading it now. Though you went through this hell, you were never alone.
Sam
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once again you amaze me with your personal strength of character and your ability to release and express your most inner feelings. I cannot express how sad reading pieces like this make me. I cannot imagine how anyone could do such deplorable things to their own children. I commend you for your perseverance and positive attitude.
Rory
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Thanks Rory for the comment on this...
I've learned... if you don't release your feelings, they stay within and soon explode out... so I'd rather let them out slowly... ya know?
Again, thanks for reading!
~Melissa
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Forgot the applauses again
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Such a sad existance for such a lovely Child
Sweetheart. I wish there was something that I could do to heal and take away the memories and the pain.
Be safe my sweet sister. My love and prayers go with you they're always at my door.
*Go with God* little sis
Valerie
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Stunning
Wow, this write blew me away, you know I often wonder where people's nicknames come from. I too know the pain you've been through... but you are strong you overcame adversity and never let anyone beat you... you are inspirational.... as is this poem... thanks for sharing a little of yourself with us
Karen
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I am almost in tears
I can say no more -
+ is tallying a negative is done
Melissa (you have us all scared to use the other though it is not the story but the finisher),
You give campfire paraphs here so to speak.
Labeling doesn't always pull the party bell :
"Molasses, so called, a childhood nickname"
Desires aren't to be devastatinglt trying :
"An object of his wicked affection...
I thought that his job was my protection?"
You gave language to many of our numbnesses :
"He would stroke my hair and smile lovingly
he'd tell me that I was such a beauty...
I knew what that meant: the nightmares consumed
my ev'ry moment: for sex I was groomed."
Mine were hugs made me feel what's going on
like a cat's pole isn't Carolyn,
I was told molestation isn't for separations!
incest is sexual intercourse relatively
yet bathroom floor is where I pillowed
so nothing was askew when he woke, I had the key
else 2 o'clocks would've been dremaers conflict,
not uncontrollable even of touch marshalling
leg taps of day to not get droswier
isn't how misuse becomes abuse but the basting
that roasts a relationship
from which our discipline tried to be on those dials.
Having been with who was a nicknamer of himself, I see the inteference in outside communications or any without it being connotative of a good change by your alterations now of what was troublesomely not innocently said.
So speakability could be about all purpose once more, not "I simply believed that it was my fate" as there are rathers like your years now.
So off to loving our families,
Carolyn -
wow what a way to overcome that abuse beauitfully written awsome job keep on telling your story for it will be a turning point for so many young kids god bless
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Thanks JustBe... he's a lonely old man now... dying alone... and in pain... he's getting what he gave... and I have forgiven... so the hurt and pain is gone... it's all good! Thanks so much for asking, reading and then commenting! ~Melissa
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Jesus, that's awful. What an asshole. Very, very not cool. Good for you, though. You must eat nails for breakfast if you've worked all the way through something like that. I'd like to kick his ass for you.
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Wowzers!
Seems like I'm using "WOW" as lot as I read your poems. You said they were straight and tough - they are that, and they twist at my heart as I read them. There's just way too much of that in the world. Yet, as you say, it beat "on" your but never beat you. I think that's fantastic and shows what the power of the human spirt can withstand and overcome. Applause for you personally as well as for this beautiful poem.
Paul -
WoW, This could be my story except for the name. I have a name for my inner child though, the one who was there suriving when things were going on. My abuser was not my father, but four others who I loved in some way or another; family member, family friend, church and babysitter. I know that pian that you went through. I am amazed that you could craft such a well -written poem without the pain. I always knew you were a great person but this makes me love and respect you all the more. hugs hugs
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Nah! You're not the person you were made to believe you were. You were shown the Light, and you were drawn to it/Him. In that you are on your way toward seeing what the Lord desires for you to see. You are even more than Molassis; you are His Dove.
Doves symbolize peace and gentleness. They must not be approached with upraised hands, but with accepting arms. In fact, one may find that to have a dove come to them, they must wait patiently. When they come to the one inviting, they are a blessing and can sooth with their cooing.
You coo with the truth of the Lord, and have found the joy in that. As a Dove, you must be respected and handled gently (even if you are a tomboy). What you see and feel are yours, and only the Lord has rights to changing that according to the Truth He shares with you.
Your wings are upheld by His Spirit and fly upon Him. As you fly scent the aloes, cassia and myrrh as you come near His robes. Be enamored at the joy of flying about Him. He rejoices in your flight.
This is probably a pathetic view of how the Lord sees you, for I am only human. Only the Divine can truly express how He sees you. May you be shown this.
Nah! You're not Molasses. You are barely Molassis. You are the Dove of the Lord. -
Outstanding penning my friend and I know that every word was born of pain, but you have overcome and never again will you be the victim of this creep! Bravo!
Blessings
~frog -
Thanks James... for commenting... twas hard to write... took hours...
You know... it's ok to ask me about anything... I'd of explained in a country girl, sparkplug kinda way...
~Melissa
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awe Sam... it's ok... and I'm really ok with my past, as far as my younger childhood years go... I see him now as no moe lost than any other lost person.. and really when I think about it... lost is lost... and he was acting like a lost person... therefore... he is forgiven... for what he meant for bad... GOD turned around for good...
He is suffering now... in many ways... he's a drunk... has strokes all the time... most of his kids have nothing to do with him... and he is a most miserable man... I went to see him a couple of years ago... oh God, it broke my heart to see him laying there... he didn't even recognize me but said that I reminded him of his youngest daughter...
He is now alone with himself and is most miserable... revenge is mine saith the Lord... and I will allow God to get that revenge by not hating my dad and instead forgive him...
I am ok with what happened... it happened... and I can't allow it to affect the rest of my life like I once did...
God bless you dear Sam... -
I want to drop kick him through the goal post of life.......
YOu are a very strong woman...
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Hi Melissa. A beautiful write and message of victory in your life. You are an overcomer. You have been freed from this pain by our Lord and we can see this in your poem. Well done little sister. God bless. Shelley
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What a gift you have...
And now I know...what I wanted so to ask.
Thank you- for your courage and bravery. I am proud to know a woman- and a Lady, like you.
You are...Melissa, to me.
All my love;
-James. -
Wow, Melissa... I'm really glad I read this. Like I said earlier, I've been on the phone all day with my girlfriend so I read this off to her. She can relate to this a lot with stuff she's gone through. She really liked it as much as I did. I love your rhyming and then how you used several words again like the "theif" and being free... I also like the few metaphors that you used in here. Nicely written! It's painful to read knowing what you've gone through, but I'm glad that Christ has set you free from your pain and sorrow. I remember reading that other poem you wrote about your dad.... Now I know where your nickname came from! Thanks for sharing
--Tim -
I'm ok really Noble... you are right... I am not that person anymore... and in my own weird way... I show it by mis-spelling the nickname he gave to me... thanks dear one for reading this... ~Melissa
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My heart goes out to you as you have shared this with us. You are no longer this person and cannot be held there against your will. Jesus set you free...and whom the Son sets free is FREE indeed! Love you! Noble1
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