Being here with you hurts
in the same way it used to sting –
sitting in the broiling sun on a splintered
summer day –
to watch my son
swing at (and miss) a perfect pitch.
Then, the pain I felt
was for my son’s defeat;
now, I ache for ours.
Author notes
Written May 6th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Thought-PROVOKING
Im still mulling the comparison of this write over but the jest of poking that you do so well with pen seems to leed to the underlying meaning. Feelings, pains and regret seem to entertwine all aspect of this write. My only question is........is the pitch ever perfect? To be human is to ere....or might I be wrong?
-
THis is a wonderful poem. THough Im not quite sure I fully understand it. BUt what I think it means is very powerful. Great write. Short and sweet.
-
aww i really love this. so simple and short yet it gives a great meaning !!!!! i love the way you said "ache" because i think it actually describes that feeling well. Great poem!!
-
Very nice and you managed to say a lot in so few words. I think (and apparently its true since so many other people said something similar) that many people can relate to the feelings you expressed. Best wishes
-
Think we all know that feeling about something that has happened in our lives. Nothing we can do about it after the fact, so need to let it go and move on. It could tear us to pieces if we don't.
-
VERY NICE, BUT SAD POEM, I'M SORRY THAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH ALOT IN YOUR LIFE, BUT SOMETIMES THE TOUGH TIMES MAKE US STRONGER. I DO WISH YOU THE BEST, HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, IT WILL GET BETTER EACH DAY! THANKS FOR SHARING!!
-
it is evident that you have had a painful past (several months?) this is fresh pain, like when one gets burned in cooking, it takes a while to heal but with every encounter with clothing or water the burn hurts like it just happened; that’s the kind of ‘feel’ I get from this. You have not lost your sense of timing in your writing; I find a familiarity I’ve grown to admire in your writing. But there is something else I cant quite put my finger on just yet so I am off to read your other recent post. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
-
You can really feel pain after reading this...
I hope you are not so sad...at least not for to long.
Untill next read,
xxJeannette -
Excellent call! I am changing it a bit, thanks to your suggestion. Great "eye".... Thanks for the very helpful critique!
-
Oh... This is such a sad little write.
It is so short but I think that is very impactful. What I got from this is that you've been through a lot of struggles in your life and you really do your best to overcome them. And here you were in this relationship that was maybe a marriage and you tried so hard to make it work, just like your son trying so hard to hit that baseball but it just wasn't ever going to work out. And so all you can feel is sad. That's what I got from this. If that's right, then I hope that you feel better now after writing it. I think you did a good job of expressing yourself. Thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings. 
-
A very well written poem, on a difficult subject. It is difficult to write with so much of earthy feel and capture life so closely.
I am particularly impressed by
"Only, then, the pain I felt
was for my son’s defeat;
while, now, I ache for ours."
I think you may not need "Only, then," and "while"...
Now is enough to imply that there is a "then" behind.
D
-
So many aches, so little time. We takes theirs so they don't have to.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
