I see sober looks
on their face today
Where yesterday they had cheers and smiles
Hell they had just got here
But innocence was riped and torn
From their hearts and minds
Comrades faced death
for the very first time
The old and new together
when a fiery hell they found
Four injured maybe dead
We'll find that out much latter
The effect is strong
with those right here
even for those who are waiting
here at camp and those an Ocean away
Author notes
Depressing, And true A day I hope I never live through again, If this doesn't make you Cry O well. The day the world stood still.
Written May 6th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- For the best of the best only by Soul Reaper -Crow-.
400 points, ended September 10, 2006, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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War is hell
I can see where you get a lot of your inspireation, it's truthfully amazing, and absolutely shocking how well you captured the essence of war. War, a place of truth, and pain, all that exists, put into one three letter word that destroys nations, and lives. Wow, I love it, cudos, keep up the good work, and take care. Good luck in the contest, and for the sake of all of us, stay alive. -
A very descriptive and sobering poem. It is a very good commentary on society today. Thank you for sharing it with us. Good job.
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Raw and Real
Raw. This is gritty emotion. Very well done. It is just so REAL. I love real words, real feelings. May you journey safely home soon. Blessings! Tammy -
This piece is packed with imagery and I could only imagine what you saw in Iraq. It must be a shock to the newcoming soldiers to see the devastation around them. It would tear the happiness off of my face.
There were a few typos that I will point out, though I believe they are the least of your worries. Word 2 in stanza 2, Line 1, should probably be, "innocence". Word 6 in the last line of the last stanza should probably be, "an". Otherwise, spelling and grammar seemed perfect.
Your words hold a lot of strength and flow so well. For a second or two, I thought this piece rhymed. I double, even tripe-checked to make sure it didn't rhyme somewhere. You have used free verse to your advantage and I admire that. I haven't written in free verse in a while. I don't like rhyming a lot, it is just that it automatically comes out of my head that way.
Keep up the great work and good luck with your future writing! Thanks for sharing this piece with us too. I just hope that you come home safe and sound from the battle. Congress hasn't declared it a war, though it seems to be way more than a battle.
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twas alright
simple...
the wording and flow seemed to be written by a man shaken...
so it sounded kinda choppy and irregular...
but i think it added to the poem...
concidering the subject matter...
overall i found it to be good...
peace -
Very strong and powerful piece. You painted a picture very thoroughly in my mind. Excellant imagery. Nice job, and the best of luck.
Black Ink -
this is a touching poem. aside from some spelling errors, it was really heartfelt. it spoke to me for more reasons than just the imagery of the words. one of my fraternity brothers has found out that he has to ship out again in october to iraq. he's been really upset about it lately and i feel for him so much. he's a great guy and an all around joy, so i worry about him and what will happen once he's over there. this poem speaks volumes about the feelings that all americans have, here or in iraq. thank you for sharing it and please keep writing. be safe and return home.
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A strong vivid piece you have penned. A powerful message and very touching as well. Your words are fdeeply moving and sadden the heart while reading which is understandable with the content of this piece. Very well done!
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Very strong and moving poem. I can only imagine what you see and feel on a daily basis. I have friends ofer there, and have seen pictures, so the images you describe I can imagine. Great writing. I look forward to reading more from you. Jeannie D
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A very vivid poem, the imagery your words invoke show the depth of how you have been affected by certain aspects of life in the world today.
The things you experience day to day can have a deep impact on how you relate to what is happening around the world and how you react to it.
The words you have chosen for this poem are very effective and will no doubt have a strong impact on anyone who read it.
Well Done
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