She screams....
I frown at her....
I'm going to kill her....
I hit the gas and run her over.....
..Lost Love
Author notes
Written May 5th, 2006
A contest entry
- New members contest - May 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I know this feeling.; Just wish you'd gone a little closer to the criteria required for this to be eligible.
I wish you the best and welcome to the site. Warmly, CookieZeal
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Hmm, I'm glad I'm not your lost love.
Very nice try at a cinquain. Of course, I don't know the form, so I'm assuming you know what you're doing. Good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia
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For the most part, I think you have a good attempt at a cinquain here. I would suggest however to go back to the second to last line and edit it because it has 9 syllables, not 8 as is required with the form. Also, you will need to put which option you chose, even though it is quite obvious. But, rules are rules.
~ John
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Hey, little lovely piece. Why dont you count the syllabels again and check the rules for a cinquain
Keep writing more and Good luck in all your attempts..
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Whoa, this shocked me.. it made me laught cause it caught me so off guard.
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This was a nice attempt at a cinquain, although the subject matter is rather disturbing! I would suggest you take the advice of others here and amend the poem to properly conform with a standard cinquain.
Also, please make a note in your author comments of which option you chose.
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This is a sad piece indeed, and a fair attempt at cinquain, with quite the dramatic scene.
The second to last line has nine syllables instead of eight, and I think the overusage of ellipses (...) detracts from this somewhat.
Please remember that you must put the option number in your author's comment. You've still got plenty of time to edit accordingly.
Thanks for your entry, and welcome to the site.
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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I hope you are able to come back in time and make the corrections needed to keep this piece in contention for a win
vj
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Well this is quite a sad yet angry poem at the same time
as said before, you have 9 syllables in fourth line when there should be 8 there's still some time though to fiddle a bit with this 
thank you for entering - I wish you the best of luck! -
I can see how sadness could inspire a piece like this.. it will pass.. I hope
Thank you for entering the contest. You will need to add your option # to your author's comments for the rules. Best of luck and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
Good work!!!
Very nice try for the cinquain. I noticed the syllable count the same as thistle and I also thought of the same word she did. It sounded very angry though. I hear it screaming off of the page. I hope it's not personal. Don't forget that option number as well. Best wishes in the contest and welcome to All Poetry. It's a great site and I hope you enjoy the time you spend here. Joyce
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This is a very good attempt at a cinquain. I think that this was disturbing in some kind of way but that is what makes this work to me. Well done on this write and good luck in the contest
WELCOME to the AP site
Dawn -
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Good attempt at cinquain, though the thoughts here are quite disturbing. I count 9 syllables in your next to last line though. Perhaps the last word could be changed to a 1 syllable word like --down-- or something.
Be sure to put your option in your authors notes so you are in compliance with all the contest rules.
Best of luck in the contest and welcome to AllPoetry
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