When I was about sixteen years old, I had a terrible case of acne. The other kids at school were merciless, calling me names like Zitso, Pimple Farm and Pizza Face. I was very despondent about it and constantly railed at God for cursing me so harshly. What did I do to deserve this, I wondered. I mean, aside from living on cheeseburgers, soda, and scooter pies.
I was walking through the village on my way home from school one day and couldn’t help catching glimpses of my ravaged face in the store windows. I was falling deeper and deeper into despair when I bumped into a man in a wheelchair begging for change in front of the drug store.
"Oops, sorry," I said.
"No problem," he answered.
A scruffy mutt with a red bandanna around its neck sat faithfully at his feet. That is, where his feet would have been if both of his legs weren't missing below the knees.
All of his earthly belongings were tied to that wheelchair, a rolling menagerie - pots and Sterno cans for cooking whatever he could scrounge up, a dirty blanket, a tattered umbrella, a few cans of sardines, cigarette butts, and a rusty metal bar, which I assumed he used for defending himself from thieves trying to steal his meager supplies while he slept in alleys and doorways.
As I walked past this poor, forgotten soul, I thought, "Wow, I guess things could always be worse." In fact, I felt like a real jerk for feeling so sorry for myself over a silly skin problem that would probably clear up eventually. I even began to feel a little better. I walked back to the man and put a quarter in his cup to thank him for the lesson he had unknowingly taught me.
And as I walked away, my eyes filling with tears of gratitude, the man leaned over to his dog and said, "Good God, did you see the skin on that kid? I guess things could always be worse.”
Author notes
Written May 5th, 2006
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Could have been funny
Could have been funny had the image not made me almost heave. Only kidding, it was funny, but I wasn't kidding about the image!!
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this is good on many levels. very straightforward, conversational style, sets us at ease and perfectly believable reflection, so that last punch in the stomache catches us completely off guard.
the story progresses smoothly or at least naturally, occasionally sticking out its foot to trip you
"That is, where his feet would have been if both of his legs weren't missing below the knees."
"I mean, aside from living on cheeseburgers, soda, and scooter pies."
and the description is great.
"All of his earthly belongings were tied to that wheelchair, a rolling menagerie - pots and Sterno cans for cooking whatever he could scrounge up, a dirty blanket, a tattered umbrella, a few cans of sardines, cigarette butts"
the only thing that seemed out of place and unrealistic is the baseball bat, i've never come across a homeless person with a baseball bat and do you have any idea how much those things cost?
i think this is both excellent humor and also meaningful, i don't think the ending ruins the power of the message (maybe dilutes it just a bit.) anyways, wonderful. -
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pine needles,
Thnks for the long and thoughtful response. Glad you enjoyed it. I've made a few adjustments based on the good points you made. You're right - baseball bats ain't cheap! haha
Have a great weekend,
Mark
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This was a pretty touching poem and a problem that I can definitely relate to. The ending was both cruel and funny at the same time. It spoiled the poem's lesson, but was also a great punch line.
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I remember those poor souls who on a windless day, you could hear their face...
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I never heard that one before! Hopefully, this helped improve America's sagging reputation, at least in the irony department. lol
Thanks,
M -
pure pus....
Over here in UK we are all taught to believe that Americans don't do irony. Glad you put me right....!
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I would give anything to have seen his face when you were telling him about the motorcycle accident. lol He sounds like a real sensitive guy. You must have studied the MAD books "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions", like I did. haha Remember those books? There would be a stupid question, three possible answers, then a blank for you to write your own answer in! They were basically textbooks for teaching kids how to be little smart asses, complete with fill in the blank.
Anyway, I'm glad you bitch slapped him for asking such an obnoxious question. The only other possible answer I can think of is, "My hair fell out from all the stress of trying to keep my affair with your wife secret."
Thanks for the story. I'm still at the office so I needed a laugh.
M
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One hand washes the other...
My ten year reunion. The class president meets me at the door, "How ya doin',Ben? Looking good! What happend to your hair? (Me a bald guy) I explained about the Harley accident trapped under the truck with the pavement grinding away my helmet and hair, which never grew back, of course. By the way! You are lookin' good, too! How did yu finally get your face to clear up?
At the end of the last dance party, he gave scotch and roses to all his little helpers for the reunion. Then he presented me with a bottle of Maddog 20/20 for the best "cheap shot" and told the whole room the story. Several people peed there pants! -
Thanks for entering the contest, this made us laug
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f***in' cool
That's funny. -
A brilliant write.A lesson within a lesson.Humour,pathos,realism captivating the reader and embracing a carousel of emotions.Well done,good luck in the contest!
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Oh Man, that is awesome! What a incredible twist you put on the end of this piece. It completely caught me off guard. You got your reader's feeling a little bad towards the middle of the piece when we meet the man in the wheelchair, and then come back with the greatest ending. Great job!
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