The Half Moon shining
on the sea,
reflecting all the light
that escapes the night.
The water glistens
and calmly watches the moon
carelessly float on the
riverbed of glowing diamonds.
Oh how it longs to feels
the warmth that the moon feels,
and to have a life of such happiness.
Forever the ever moving water
and the blazing moon
will lead parrallel lives.
But while the water flocked with longing,
the moon beemed with pure jealousy.
For he knew all too well he couldn't
feel the sand or the peace of
the waters drifting soul.
Always, the moon will shine
down on the water,
seeing what he can never be apart of.
While the waters only warmth
comes from an ever so constant reflection.
Author notes
I dunno, just try to predict what you think it means and tell me what you think
Written May 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Only If You Think You're Good Enough... by WordsArentEnough.
300 points, ended July 15, 2006, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Submissions for Poetry Magazine. by Norman Crabtree.
745 points, ended November 11, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want new favourites. by broken-colours.
400 points, ended December 2, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is it!
This is the one I was looking for! Yes a must save out!
Ok, ok lets go with these and I'll come back and reread some more later. But this is a great start. !
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Thank you for entering my contest!
it has a really strong use of imagery, especially with the part about the moon reflecting of the riverbed of diamonds thing, but it is just something i have seen far too often, and never really said anything original.
Good luck in the future. -
I absolutely loved this. And I will comment anyway, even though I stated I only wanted poems written in the last 12 months. Please enter another one or I shall remove this. Sorry, I have to stick to my rules.
Anyway...this is fantastic. The imagery, the ideas..wonderful. In fact I had a similar idea on holiday (well it was my girlfriend's idea that we both expanded on, but credit goes to her). We said the moon and the sun were in love but the moon was jealous of the warmth and magnificence of the sun, while hardly anyone stays around to look at the moon. Sorry, went off on a tangent - back to your poem!
You have some lines absolutely chock-a-block full of imagery:
carelessly float on the
riverbed of glowing diamonds.
Wow!
will lead parrallel lives.
Very nice, they will always be together, but seperate
the peace of
the waters drifting soul.
If I was the moon, I would be jealous of the freedom of the water, whereas the moon just goes in the same pattern around the Earth everyday. Actually you've inspired me, I may write a poem about that.
I love the last 5 lines, you've summed the poem up extremely nicely. The grass is always greener on the other side I suppose!
It's a shame that this has to go...but...well it would be unfair to others.
Thanks for your entry and I look forward to reading another.
Take care x
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I didn't care for the interspersed rhyme, i found it distracting from the rest of the poem. Good use of imagery however.
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We look at others and become jealous because we want what they have..unaware that others want what we have and are jealous of us. I love the way you used the moon and the sea to illustrate those feelings. Well done!
Maureen
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Hmm makes one stop and think. Great write!!
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!!! This is AMAZING! I'm kind of biased, because I ADORE the moon, but even if I didn't, this is a beautiful poem!! The imagery is EXCELLENT, the descriptions oh so perfect. The personification is wonderfully done, I love it. This is a gorgeous piece of work, I am going to applaud it and then read it again. I love this part:
"The water glistens
and calmly watches the moon
carelessly float on the
riverbed of glowing diamonds."
It's so wonderfully written, it flows together so well. The ideas are original and so creative, I love the way you described the relationship between the moon and water, and the way you gave them personalities and problems. I also love this part:
"But while the water flocked with longing,
the moon beemed with pure jealousy.
For he knew all too well he couldn't
feel the sand or the peace of
the waters drifting soul."
Awesome job on this, keep it up! -
Oh my God, this is so increadibly beautiful, I get this wonderful image of an oceans crashing tides under the moonlight, this poem gives me goosebumps. "riverbed of glowing diamonds" That is one of my favorite lines you used, it's absolutly magnificent, keep up the amazing work!
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mesmerizing.....!!!!
WOW..the flow of this piece was entrancing! the content was simply outstanding and left multiple meanings...although a longed for love or life that one sees but can never have stands out as the most obvious...but i think there's something more there..perhaps even a one who loves others but, that one is not so loved the same in return - or feeling that way all the time. simple jealousy stands out as a factor of meaning possibly. i love the mysterious writes that are woven with such flowing beauty . what ever the actual meaning is...the write itself in it's structure, fluidity and strength stands alone unto itself as one worthy of applause and thanks and appreciation to you for bringing it forward.
thanks again.......atb.....Lionslove. -
Ah. That is awsome. I don't want to twist your words, but I believe I know what it's about. Just giving to something you can't take part in. A party that you set up but never got a chance to be in. Get me. Great job.
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wow! i really like how kind of ironic it is! vry well written good job
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