Will you forgive my words?
Like daggers they have rent.
I did not think them through.
In bitter argument
the one I hurt was you.
Will you forgive my words?
Those tears you cry I shed.
Your very soul I tore
with ev'ry word I said,
deep in your inner core.
Will you forgive my words?
My last reply was curt,
and turned your heart to ice.
It is my just desert,
now I must pay the price.
Will you forgive my words?
The day you said goodbye,
it meant I lost a friend.
That is the reason my
apology is penned.
© Jim T. Henriksen
May 5th, 2006
Author notes
These words were written in a moment of sadness, and is a gloomy prospect of the future, one which I hope will not come true. It can also be to a friend you lost, but want back again... I hope you like it.
A Monchielle is as follows: first line repeats in each stanza, it consist four stanzas in total, each stanza consists of five lines, each line consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme. The pattern is "Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml".
Original image can be found at http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Item/1990/718.jpg
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A contest entry
- The best of the best by creased velvet.
300 points, ended May 7, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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This is so had and dreadful.Hope everything worked out.
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Hi, Kay! I felt very sad when I wrote this, but happily it has not happened like this... I am glad you liked it a lot. Could yuo explain what you mean with "that swaying feeling"?
Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I highly appreciate it! 
Jim
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Great Expression
This is sad but I like it a lot...it has that swaying feeling to it as you read it. Well done...great write!
KAY
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Hi, creased velvet. Thank you for stopping by to comment on my poem. Congrats to all the winners!
Jim
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Now this is a good piece, I must repeat myself in that it was a very close contest, well done and thanks for entering!
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Hi, jbfisthebest! Thank you for your wonderful words. I agree that true friends are hard to come by... I compare friends with gems. Some are raw and uncut, some are have flaws, and some are priceless... Thanks for the comment, and the applause, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, Lena! Sad words in a poetic form is beautiful in itself, as I have confirmed in many a great poem I have read here on AllPoetry... I am happy you like my style, maybe you want to try writing something in it? Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it. Jim
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Hi, Jess! Thank you for your wonderful words about my poem. The picture is not pretty, but it just shouted out to me when I saw it. I did not win the contest, though.
Well, cross my toes and hope for better luck next time. 
And yes, I am uncle Jim. 
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Hi, Terrie! You're absolutely right, this was written after an argument, so I was pretty sad when I wrote it, fearing how it might have gone... Thank you for your wonderful comment on this poem. I really appreciate it! Jim
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Hi, sjgaither! I am happy that you like my style, wether that means the way I write, or the form I made. Thank you for your wonderful comment, it really means a lot to me to hear that. Jim
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Hi, Udit! Yes, I was sad when I wrote it, after an argument, but it never came to how I wrote in the poem... I guess I just feared that it could have gone that way. I feel fine now, so there is no need to worry, my friend. Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I really appreciate it! Jim
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Hi, Di! You are absolutely right, the one we love is the one we hurt the most... Yes, the one this was for, Monica, has read it (and commented), but no, it has not happened, I wrote it while I was sad after an argument we had, but it didn't end as in the poem, thank God... Thank you for your comment, it really means a lot to me.
Jim
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very nice
what a lovely way to say you're sorry. this is a beautiful and touching poem. a true friendship should never be broken, never let it end. i always say that " true friends are priceless and very rare, and hery hard to find, so keep all those that are dear to you for all time. your poem is great. -
it is a very sad poem indeed however an enjoyable read for its well written format. thanks for sharing. and i LIKE the style you created
~Lena~ -
bewtiful... gorgoues words.. the picture seems odd. it is not beautiful.. but actually it seems to fit quite nicely in a way.
well done oh and best of luck in the conestt.. im sure you will do very well
all my love
jess
( he.. i think your my uncle
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This is an amazing piece her Jim...just awesome...the feelings of despair that overcomes us when we've sealed our own fate... keep up the awesome work...many blessings to you.
Terrie -
An original take on format! I was drawn into your style and your carefully-chosen words! Very impressive, I feel, very impressive indeed.
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When I read this poem, intially, I was like wow! This is Jim! But I don't know......it makes me feel sad. Maybe that's because a friend is sad.....talk to me about this if you want. Sharing helps, Jim. And you and I have been quite busy. Mail me. You know my id.
Edited on May 11, 10:08 because 'E-mail Id deleted.'. -
Hi, this is a lovely write, the soul search to know you were wrong, I believe we must forgive our friends those moments for being acid, for we can be the same and often are, funny how we seem to do it to the people we care most about,I hope they read this and understand you did not mean it,it is good to have a friend who knows how to say, I'm sorry,a new friend, hugs Di
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Hi, sweetheart!! Yeah, I got surprised when I saw you had left a comment. It is so good to read your words, telling me that you will always love me.
(Now I got it in writing!) LOL! Thanks for the applause too, but the hugs and kisses is prize enough. Wouldn't want anyone to think you favoritize me, just because I am your husband. Crossing my toes to win! Yo té amo tambien, my vida. Jim
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Hei babe! I from all people know what this poem is about,and I know you will be very surprised when you read this because you dont know i am writting it .
Well, I am here to tell you,I will always love you no matter what,and what the future brings no one knows, but you will always be in my heart, wherever i go,there will always be place for you beside me.....thanks for always been my friend,my confident, my lover, my husband, my soulmate.
This is a wonderfull poem very powerfull, good luck in the contest!!te quiero mi amor! Monchi
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Hi, David! Thank you for the vote of confidence. I cross my toes to win this contest, my fingers is needed to work the keyboard. Yes, I had a writer's block, but luckily it is over now... Next time I will try your idea with throwing a theasaurus in the air. Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I really appreciate it a lot, my friend! Jim
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Excellent, admirable, champion, cracking, fir
Hi Jim, another wonderful piece that deserves to win the competition. I also can't beleive that you (of all people) suffer from writer's block. A good friend of mine gave me an amazing cure for it, throw an old theasaurus in the air and read the pages where it lands, you will be surprized what comes out...If not write a poem about a crazy guy throwing a theasauras about..
David -
Hi, Kitty! Yes, I was full of sadness when I wrote this. Don't know why, as the poem refers to something that has not happened yet, and hopefully never will, but I just had to write it down... Thank you for your comment, and your applause, sweet AP-niece. Uncle Jim
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I love this poem Jim!! This is really heartfelt and has so many emotions running through it. I love the imagery this creates and the empathy the reader feels. Brilliant write here Uncle Jim Outstanding work!
Kitty xx -
Hi, Elizabeth! It seems my Monchielle-style is very versatile, capable of embracing many topics. The power of the repeating line, added to the regular abcb/abab rhyme is arresting. Words said in haste is words said in waste, and even I can sometime hurt with my words. The pen might be sharper than the sword, but nothing is more cutting than a sharp tongue... Thank you for your kind words of wisdom, my friend, and thank you for your kind applause, I really appreciate it, and it really means a lot to me. A big to you! Take care! Jim
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Words will always hurt me.
This is an interesting and very arresting style and how words can cut.Imagery is torn and ragged as the pieces of the friendship are fragmented by words uttered in haste.
In sadness comes many a truth but cannot imagine you hurting anyone.
Beautifully expressed and speaks to the soul of many of us who wished we had bitten our lips!
Great work,Jim.
Elizabeth. -
Hi, Aaron! Well, as I have explained to others, this has not actually happened, and I hope it never will. Wrote it in a moment of sadness, as I felt it had to write it... Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it a lot! Jim
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i think whomever this is to will forgive you, words spoken from the heart and soul are always the strongest words that anyone can speak, keep it flowing
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Hi, Shahrzad! Yes, it's true, I had a writer's block. I tried to write, but nothing came out, nothing that made sense atleast. Thanks for dropping by and commenting yet again. Jim
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Come on,you and writer's block? I'm sure you can write whenever you like. It's just a matter of concentration.
Wish you wonderful days and keep it in your mind that you should always SMILE and be HAPPY.
Princess Shahrzad
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Hi, Joyce! No, I have not written something in this form in a while, in any form really... I've had a writer's block that has lasted for about a month. Thanks for soothing my worries about the rhyme and rhythm on the poem - is the spelling allright though? Thanks for the comment, standing ovation, and applause, it means a lot to me. Hugs to you and your husband. Jim
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Superb!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim, An excellent and heartfelt monchielle you have penned here. Haven't seen you use your style for quite some time now.
I haven't seen anything from you in quite some time as a matter of fact. As usual you are spot on with your rhyme and rhythm making it flow so smooth. Very tender subject and I'm happy that a friendship was not lost because of your words here. You get a standing ovation to go along with the applause bro. My love for you and the family, always. Joyce
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Hi, Robi! It never came to this, but it could happen to anyone... I just had a moment of sadness, and had to write this down. Thank you for your comment, and your applause. Jim
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Hi, AngelicMistress! Thankfully it never came to the point of loosing frienship, but it could also refer to something that has not happened yet... I just had to write it to forgive myself. Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it. Jim
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Hi, Lionslove! Thank you for your critique, and kind words for me on this piece. I was unsure if it was any typos, poor choice of words, bad flow, etc., but I feel a little better now... Thanks for the applause, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, Jeannie D! Thank you for your nice comment, it really warms my heart... Jim
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Hi, galfalfa! These words could be to you aswell, though we never lost the friendship - just a silly misunderstanding, and never an argument... Thank you for your kind words, though, and thanks for the applause, it really means a lot to me, my friend... Jim
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Hi, fabio! I do not see the similarities to Marlowe, but thank you for the comparisment anyway. Thanks for the comment, and the applause, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, janet mary! The one this was written for forgave me before we lost the friendship, but though it never happened, the feelings behind it is true. I wrote it to be able to forgive myself... Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, vsutton! Thanks for the kind words, but as I said in the Author's Comments, this has not happened. It was close, but I was forgiven before it came to loss of friendship. I had to write the appology down anyway, to be able to forgive myself. Thank you for your comment, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, a tear in the heart! Words said in anger, is often regretted. Thank you for your comment, and your applause, I really appreciate it! By the way, I love your poet's name! Jim
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Hi, Linda! Yes, I had to write this, even if the one it's intended for have already forgiven me, and it never came to the point of loosing the friendship... Thanks for the comment, and the applause, it really warms my heart. Linda! Jim
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Hi, winowriter! Thank you! I try to write as much as possible, but I have recently had a period of writers cramp, but I am glad to say that it seems to be over. Read some of my other poems while you wait for my next one. Thanks for the comment, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, karaharapriya. The one these words were written to have already forgiven me, and it never came to the point of loosing a friend, but I had to write them down anyway... to be able to forgive myself, perhaps? Thank you for your comment, and your applause, it really means a lot to me. Jim
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Hi, poetoftheheart! Words said in anger, is often regretted. Daggered words cut deeper than any blade, and leaves wounds that only forgiveness can heal... Tahnk you for your comment, I really appreciate it. Jim
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Hi, Shahrzad. Don't worry, this has not acutually happened, atleast not as it did in the poem. I was close to loosing a friend because of uncareful words, but I was forgiven. This does however reflect my worst nightmare, and I hope it never comes true. Thanks for the comment, and the applause, it warms my heart, Shahrzad... Jim
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Hi, hazydreams. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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Hi, Carino! Thank you for the comparisment with Marlowe, but I do not see the similarity between my poem, and the piece you quoted here, sorry. Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I really appreciate it! Jim
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Hi, hot-tamale! Loosing a friend is hard, but the one this refers to has not happened, thank the gods... Thank you for your comment, and your heartwarming applause. Jim
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I would come back to you if I were her after reading these words! I really got the feel of respectful sincerity in your poem. Very enjoyable.Robi
Edited on May 05, 10:06 p.m. because 'typo'. -
AWESOME JOB!!!!! ENJOYED IT!!!!!
This is totally awesome, you have written a great piece of poetry..... an apology, which I am sure could and wiil be accepted, regardelss of the case may be.....
Thank you for sharing,
Be blessed with love and light....
As always,
AngelicMistress
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fabulous
so so well done starhiker. the flow was flawless. timing - perfect. content of meaning was well-balanced and conveyed the truthfulness of honest apology.
Great piece. May many follow your example. Brilliant work, as usual.
All the best........Lionslove. -
Great
Great poem. So sad and painful.
Great flow of emotion from
your words. You express
these feelings so well.
We have all regretted
things we have said
in anger.
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D
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Thanks for letting me know about this one Star - loved it! A very sincere apology - It happens to the best of us and i'm sure you will be forgiven Bravo on this! Very heartfelt...
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Well done. I agree, this is a Marlowesche piece.
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this was lovely great rhyme and flow. Im just glad that it isnt true
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awesome!!!
Oh my what a powerful write. I too, haev been here. Words said you cant erase forgiveness hard to come by. Wow I just hope that you reach the inner soul of the person, and they in return forgive. Anyone who can write like this should be forgiven for i am sure the words said was not intentional. For I feel the goodness within you through the works i see. God bless and I hope all works out for you .
Victoria -
meaningful
This was deep. Everyone can relate to this. We've all spoke words in anger that we don 't mean. -
nice and deeply felt sadness in this poem, it looked to be a true situation, then I read in comments, very nice choice of words, thank you for sharing..and good luck ..
Linda -
Wow. Wow. Well done. I humbly beseech you to write much, much more. You are going on my favorites, buddy. Well done.
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An apology in poetry is bound to be accepted. Well-written and tender.
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very good! I can relate to this poem. so many times have I said words in the moment of anger that now looking back on it I regret them. great job!
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oh my dear Jim,
What has happened? I can't believe that anyone can say goodbye to you.
If anything is done I'm sure it's unintentionally done and he/she can forgive you.
Don't worry,ok?
Shahrzad
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Good
Nicely written. Sad. Great write. -
wow.. I loved this. It made me feel like I was sitting on the porch reading Christopher Marlowe (my favorite poet)
See your likenesses?
YOU..
Like daggers they have rent.
I did not think them through
~ in bitter argument,
the one I hurt was you.
Marlowe..
And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flower, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;
Very similar Rhyme Scheme. I love it. Your going on my favorites list.
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nicely done
You express a regret that most of us have felt. This is both believable and sincere. I would think anyone reading this would be quick to forgive.
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