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heroine

Heroine

You are the most important person the most special and most precious
You are a gift from God Without you I couldn't’t be here today you have brought seeds of humanity to this world and you have taught me how to be human

Without your love and care I couldn't’t be who I am today without your guides and advice I couldn't’t be as confident as I am right now and without your shoulder to lean on I could have lost hope long ago you have never let my tear touch the ground
You always hold my hands and lead me to the right way

I may be rich but without you I am   as poor as nobody, I may walk up tall because I have everything I need but without you I will always have an empty space in my heart
You mean the world to me you have taught me how to persevere you have taught me how to confront obstacles in life and resolve them. You   are my teacher you have given me a lesson and filled my mind with knowledge even though we may be poor, but with you by my side I can smile you have brought happiness in my life you have brought hope in me
When the rainy days comes even though we may be in a house without a roof  on top of it, you always protect me you have traveled miles and miles with me till today

And only trying to make me a better person you are sunshine you are light to all who are in the dark, you are hope to hopeless you are strength to the weaker you are a teacher to the young ones you are a guider/an advice to those around you, you are everything you have the world in your bare hands, you deserve a great respect and admiration you deserve to be treated special you deserve to be appreciated for who you are
                                                                                                    Mavis Kotlolo






Author notes

learn to love and appreciate their parents ,learn to accept what they received from our heavenly father.
Written May 4th, 2006

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    June 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very devotionally written with similes and descriptives to both the symbolic and familial references.

    A critical review is invited
    ~I would have liked to have seen this written in poetic
    form and more within the (20 line limit) guideline of the contest rules.

    ~Length of lines with the more conversational style is
    can distract the reader to its rightful theme.

    Welcome to the site! Warmly, CookieZeal


  • pattyann4500
    May 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Umm, this is really an in-depth write, but I'm wondering if it was written more with an actual human mother? I love how you have used imagery as well as a great deal of beautiful emotion to punctuate your words. Great piece. Hugs, Patricia


  • J Rhys Davies
    May 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Though this is a nicely written piece, I fail to see how it fits the criteria of the images that were supposed to inspired your write.

    You might want to consider going back and editing your entry to put which image inspired it, to make sure you adhere to the rules completely. Without doing that, you cannot be eligible for a possible trophy and your entry can risk the chance of being removed. If you need help doing this, please let me know.

    ~ John


  • raspberry Greeters member
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    My God.. such a long write. Even am not sure, if it specifies Nature or just Mother ?? Check the contest rules once, before you edit the poem good luck to you. And thanks for taking the ti me to enter this here


  • Kei-Aira
    May 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was an interesting poem to read, but I don't thik it fits the contests specifications.
    Also the lines are far too long and run into one another like paragraphs, so there is no distinguishable flow in this poem, which is a pity as with some work it could be a lovely piece.


  • J.J. Sass
    May 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a sentimental write, with such a powerful and undeniable message.
    However, I'm not sure if you're referring to mother nature, or just mother. Either way it was a good write, but remember that in order to be eligible for judging you must put the option you chose (if any) in your author's comment section.
    Another thing that struck me about this piece was the length of the lines. It does make it a bit harder to follow, though I'm sure that was an effort to stay within the line limit.
    Thanks for entering, and welcome to the site.
    Best wishes in the contest,
    Stacy
    Edited on May 16 because 'silly typos '.


  • Vickie J
    May 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I truly enjoyed the message you brought forth in this write and I have to agree with you. Iam not sure which option you chose to write under-so I hpe you have an opportunity to come back and edit that. Thanks for your entry~vj


  • leander Moderators member
    May 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You have written a poem here that has a lot of deep meanings inside and I like it that you managed to express yourself so clearly
    I don't see where it could possible fit into the contest criteria though... if this poem is inspired by on of the pictures, then you also have to put that into your author's comment
    There's also one little suggestion I'd like to give: English is not my maternal language, and it can be quite confusing to read poems this long that don't have punctuation (because we can't immediately see where the sentence ends or begins) maybe you could fiddle a bit with that?
    thank you for entering this contest and I wish you the best of luck!


  • LionessK silver member
    May 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very heart-felt and meaningful write. You did a nice job writing your thoughts out. I am unsure if this actually fits the rules/criteria. Let us know which option you used. Thank you for sharing your words. Good luck to you and welcome to AP

    ~Kristy


  • babyalah
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting write that you have done here. You kept it to 20lines, Well done.
    Good luck in the contest

    Welcome to the AP site

    Dawn -


  • sunny day
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Very interesting!!!!!

    I think this was a very interesting piece that you penned here.
    It is tough to say if you are using mother nature as your inspiration and if so which picture did you take it from. You neglected to put that in your author comments. Best wishes in the contest. Don't forget that author comment. You kept it to exactly 20 lines which meets that criteria. Welcome to All Poetry and enjoy the time you spend on this great site. Joyce


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very deep write with a lot of spiritual undertone. With the form that you use here, you might want to consider a bit more punctuation just because the lines flow together a bit like paragraphs. It would just make it a bit easier for the eye to follow the line without getting lost.

    Also I noticed that you have an extra -'t- in some of your instances of the word --couldn't--.

    All in all this is quite a beautiful write that is worth reading more than once. Best of luck in the contest and welcome to AllPoetry

1 - 12 of 12