Madness by wbiro at All poetry

Madness

...................................madness

within my mind a roller coaster rattles the wooden tracks

    of madness
             laughing
laughing
                        at who are they laughing?

Within the sounds

                       of madness
    I hear beating...

                      beating...

who is there, beating upon my door
              of utter madness?

Who is there... who is playing

playing these strings

my strings of my madness?

painted castanets clicking

clicking... clicking... clicking... in mocking, beautiful palms

     unattainable palms

twirling the crumpled sombrero of my dreams

dancing upon the dangling tassels
                                                        twisted with my utter madness...

respite....................

     I offer a moment of respite

from this madness.........................

  now back to

madness
               madness-

                                the train has departed on schedule...

stranding me here. behind.

a figure uncertain

on a platform

raised with solitary madness

take me

come back, take me...

   "the next

     departure      leaves   in 15 minutes..."

they'll carry me away to the end

to the end the end
of this madness...

until then come, stay, share this madness

my complete

and utter

madness

Author notes

Painting: Abstract Painting (726)
1990
Gerhard Richter

music- me
Written May 3rd, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

~ Dip Into Madness~ by Frozentearz. 525 points, ended March 13, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Frogzter
March 12, 2008

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This one is truly unique, a bit difficult to follow, but the epitome of madness indeed. Thanks for entering and best wishes in the contest!

Frogz~
- wbiro
  March 12, 2008
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  I agree, it needed a bit of work (done!); thanks for the critical...!
Frozentearz
March 12, 2008

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Though difficult to read without highlighting it,
You have captured the essences of madness within it.
leaving the reader to ponder within it.
Thanks for joining in.
Love and Light
Frozentearz
- wbiro
  March 12, 2008
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  I see I wrote this before I discovered the technique of leading and trailing background spaces for ease of reading (fixed); there is nothing like a view to get one to go over a piece's writing again (did!), thanks for the critical notes...
Yvette Champ
June 16, 2007

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I rarely like any background except a plain one as the words are what is important but here you have compounded the words by this amazing background with it's fragmentation mirroring the fragmented lay out of the poem itself,akin to organized chaos,the repetition worked well too,in my experience those with delusions may indeed repeat the same thought over and over.
I have never seen such a variety of work on any author page,there does not seem to be a topic or genre you haven't explored and that is also impressive.
wbiro
May 7, 2006
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thanks, Toots, nothing like a good comment to spur one to go back and reevaluate (and tinker with!) a piece!
Toni A Christman
May 7, 2006
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A riveting poem, from beginning to end! I appreciated the way you used your free form and the extensive spaces between lines (verses?) to add to the intensity of your piece. It seemed that every time you appeared to end the poem (left lots of space), I was wondering "what now?".. and then, there was the "what now" for me to read. I think this poem has mystery, intensity, and vivid imagery. I really enjoyed taking this journey with you.
Nola-999
May 5, 2006
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OMG!!!
omfg! this is Brilliant! i just loved the imagery and metaphors it awsome!!! it's been awhile since i read a work of art!! this is awsome i also liked the background it blended in with the poem! i especially loved these lines :

"I hear castanets clicking

clicking clicking clicking in mocking palms

twirling my broken sombrero

dancing upon the twisted tassels
of madness
of my dangling, utter madness"
Just Outstanding!!!
hazydreams
May 5, 2006
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Good
Funny but cool
blessedbeyondbelief
May 5, 2006
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Madness is maddening...don't ya think??? Great piece here...decribed perfectly from one mad mind to another
Keep up the good work, many blessings to you.
Terrie
wbiro
May 3, 2006
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thanks, noodle, opinions from new people are valued! (well, to me you're new!)
wbiro
May 3, 2006
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thanks, Imagine3, it's always refreshing to hear from new people... (I'll bet you didn't think you were new!)
wbiro
May 3, 2006
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thanks, Frodofan, which reminds me, only a few more days of my insane work schedule and I can catch up on things here, like the constructive criticism group...!
Imagine3
May 3, 2006
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i love poem written in this style, you did a very good job and i can see that you have tallent. i read it a few times and thats good b/c that means i liked it enough to take my time to read it a more than one time... i really enjoyed this.
nice write
-Sasha
Frodofan
May 3, 2006
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Didn't download the music, but it's pretty interesting without it. The background's definently fitting.. mad. Hard to read actually. Interesting.
wbiro
May 3, 2006
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thanks, Princess, I hope you were't too tortured earning your extra 4 points! lol
Edited on May 03, 6:57 p.m. because ''.
One Eunique Pixie
May 3, 2006
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awesome
This was a very well written piece. I really liked the flow. I especially liked this
part here:

Thanks for clicking! You get an extra 4 points if you critique this piece, plus the author would appreciate it!

Madness
by wbiro on May 03 (bookmark) (print) (next)
Author's Last Login: 1 hour ago
In Category: Other. 8 views this week.
In Collection: Psychological (next)

read it with its companion musical piece download here 1MB

Madness

...................................madness

roller coaster rattling along the tracks

of madness
they are laughing

laughing
from whence is that laughing?

within the sounds

of madness
beating

beating

who is that beating upon the doors
of utter madness?

Who is there? Who is playing

playing the strings

the strings of my madness?

I hear castanets clicking

clicking clicking clicking in uncertain palms

twirling my sombrero

and dancing upon its tassels
of madness

of my dangling, utter madness

respite

I offer a moment of respite

from the madness

Madness

madness

the train is leaving

leaving me here

within my madness

take me

take me

the next

departure is in 15 minutes

to the end

to the end the end
of this madness

All in all a very nice poem. Keep writing, I can't wait to read more in the future. Charlene
Onyx-Rose
May 3, 2006
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This poem is very good. Strange to the uberness, but still very good. I enjoyed it. The background is perfect. Keep up the great work! You rock!
solarman
May 3, 2006
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I love it. Something like H.P. lovecraft with a nice visual quality.
wbiro
May 3, 2006
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thanks for the feedback, RainShadow, on 'Madness', and the interesting psychological observation (or revelation?) !
RainShadow
May 3, 2006
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strange. interesting though. reminds me of... monsters under the bed. and how insanity is completely personal. well done. I really like the background, too, by the way