I went the hills down,
It was dark as night;
I went to town
Where the humans fight.
I heard them breathe -
Noisy and fast -
I wanted to leave,
I saw the past:
The soldiers came,
Some children cried,
And through the rain
I saw a light.
The animals died,
The humans have gone,
The world is destroyed
And I am alone.
The world wasn't made
To be cut with a knife -
So think about it:
We have to change life!
Author notes
The only thing I can say about this is the following: CHANGE LIFE!!!
Option 1, picture 2
Written May 2nd, 2006
A contest entry
- New members contest - May 2006 by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1668 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Aurora,
this is a terrific use of rhyme...you have managed to create a piece that feels original and unique. the flow is perfect! I always enjoy your work!!
-El Sabio
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Don't we just.We can all play our part and we must do so before it is too late.A good poem with a great sentiment.I hope that your mesage is heard.good Luck, Ros
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Most definately change life. What an interesting write my friend, shortness of words, the less the better. Very good. Thanks for sharing your talent. Take care now
victoria
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Brilliant imagery and very well written with an excellent message.
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GOOD
...
... very good imagery. sadenning, yet hopeful. I like it alot
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i really like the image this poem creates and the drama of it. However, the last line doesn't sit with me the right way. Is it life we have to change? I think it might be the way we humans live in this world. We need to think about our actions in a way that inclueds the far future. Excellent writing keep it up.
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This was a very thought provoking read. It’s often a grea thing to have new members that are able to write something that makes one ponder as this has. Nicely done.
~ John
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Amazing!
I had an Applause! Now it will get the recognition it deserves!!! -
WOW
Your words ring so very true my friend. Wonderful write I am glad you shared your talent keep penning. ......Michael -
I wish I had an applause!!! GREAT!
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short and sweet..yes we do have to change our thinking on how we harm one another..respect is key... peace and harmony...shzoosy
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Hi Dear, you have done a lovely job. I liked the attempts you made to rhyme. Yes, it has come out well with not much of force. Good luck in the contest
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This is a wonderful poem. I love with poems with mesages in them, and you made it flow really well, which is a difficult balance to maintain. I agree with all your sentiments here.
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Extremely well penned
Change Life, how right you are and how beautifully written and expressed. Welcome newcomer to AP and the best of luck in this contest. -
I can't tell you how much I agree with you. We have done much damage to our 'home,' and I think it will take us many more years to do this than we actually have.
I enjoyed the way you wrote this. The rhyme and rhythm is excellent, and you have done a wonderful job of making your convictions known. Good luck in the contest, and WELCOME to AP. Hugs, Patricia
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You radiate a strong and powerful message within the lines of this poem and I really do like that to be honest
a very good take on the picture this is, well done
thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, I really appreciate the effort you've put into this one! thank you for sharing and welcome to the site! -
I think this was a very good write, quite appropriate to the picture indeed. It flowed smoothly, and the rhyme was on point!
The only thing which strikes me as sounding unnatural is your opening line. That's not usual grammar, so it gives that line a bit of a "forced rhyme" feeling. That's just my opinion though.
Thanks for entering, and welcome to the site.
Best wishes in the contest,
Stacy
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Phenomenal write here. I think you have impressed us all with your poetic talent. Thanks for participating in the contest~vj
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Loved it! The flow of it really, really contributed to the overall quality of it. Very interesting. But I have one suggestion: "I saw a light"- if you extended the poem, you could work this into a powerful, paradoxical metaphor. And it seems to be about society to some degree, if I'm not mistaken?
Really great, and I loved it. -
This is a wonderful poem!!
The flow was great, and so was the rhyming
However, I think if you extended this poem maybe it would be a tad bit better? Just explain the story line a little more.
Just a suggestion
All in all though, this was a great poem
Much love,
becca -
WOW
wow,awesome, moving and deep.. you have a wonderful talent.. your rythm is rockin' my socks -
Changing life is a matter of personal perspective. Do you mean we ALL need to change life, or that we need to change our OWN life? I like the first two lines of the last stanza, because they are so true. We don't know why the world was made, but it wasn't made to die.
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this is a very brilliant write especially for a young author, I like the way you presented a very positive and inspring idea or social theory in a semi dark way. The feeling of human abandonment running through the poem was ingenious and intense and extremely introspective of the human race and all of mankind. This poem was satiracle because it pointed out a fault and demands action to prevent this fault from continuing or making anything worse. You have a very unique style that lets your ideas come in a simple uncontestable way, very very good job, continue writing, and welcome to All Poetry!
~shirley -
deep and powerful poetry we have here so glad to have found you and your poetry, great write and good luck in the contest...
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Great work! I like the way you wrote about the past and what will happen if we don't stop pollution and things like that. But I would be glad when you wrote about how we could canhge life.
But really good work! Keep it up! -
thanx a lot! i will return the favor as soon as possible!
the author -
You have some well written lines here and you spoke your thoughts quite well. Thank you for sharing your words and entering the contest. Good luck to you and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
Excellent work!!!!!
Very well written piece you have here and it's so powerful for your first write. It flowed smoothly and captured the attention of me the reader with the message sent. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Welcome to All Poetry and enjoy this great site. Joyce
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Well expressed! With a strong statement. I like the flow and your choice of wording. A very good read. Good luck in the contest.
Also
WELCOME to the AP site
Dawn -
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Thanx to all of you!!!
I still can't believe I got four applauses for the first poem I wrote down on AP!
Just...THANX A LOT!!!
The author -
Very nice strong statement. Do be sure to put the option you chose in your authors notes so you will be in compliance with the contest rules.
I like the flow of the piece and the fact that it makes an important point. Perhaps you don't have all the answers, but getting people to simply stop, listen and take notice is a very good start. Though, your own unique voice rings out in this poem, I was reminded of a favorite old poem by Sarah Teasedale called "There will come soft rains" I think there is a copy of it on the oldpoetry site.
I really enjoyed reading it
Best of luck in the contest and welcome to AllPoetry
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Very interesting and cutty sark. You present
the world's depraved state to a sobering
expression. I must say that I had hoped you'd
given a few suggestions for changing in its
conclusion.
*Please review the criteria so that this piece
can be fully eligible. ( Place the picture/number of option
in the Author's comments.
Thank you and welcome to the site! -
I totally agree with the point you made but change is easier said than done but hopefully one day it will all change for the better !!
Well written and a pleasure to read good luck with the contest xx
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tis cool.. i liked it.. i dont really have much to say about it though unfortunately.. ermmmm..
it flowed very well.. which is always a good thing, theres nothing worse then a poem you cant get in to.. it had a good message although its a whole lot easier said then done.. and yeah i thinks thats it..
welcome to allpoetry.. good luck in the contest..
=) ~toni~ -
Great job
The poem has created the atmosphere of fear and war and despair that such events foster. Well done. I like the last line,very moving. We really have to change if we have to save the world from disaster. All we see when we open the newspaper is destruction, terrorism, and hate. This is very very perceptive poem. -
i like that that was a strong message about kids and stuff
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well, as always it's not easy to say something... you know, I find it difficult to comment...
it's a really great poem with a really important message... it flows well...
Keep it up!
LittleAnn
btw: You deserved getting an "A" for it i totally agree with our English teacher...
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