O deceitful devil,
How vile and ugly you are.
I was blind and now see the truth,
Of the lies you sprout from your mouth.
Wages of sin you passed fourth,
In the darkest hours before dawn.
The memory of the abuse that came down,
Of the time I shared, with you around.
The immature way you were,
How you provoke me to fight with thee.
O what a mean little devil you are,
The way you tried to impose you will on me.
You did not respect my boundaries,
You did not respect my space,
You tried to enclosed me in confinement,
And it was a rat race.
The wages of sin is death,
The cage that imprisons the soul.
In the time we met,
You need to make amends that is in toll.
Why do I sit and ponder?
The how and why of you are.
Is it a wonder? I left, anytime,
I just could not take it anymore.
What a trickster you are,
Heedless of the consequences in life.
Suffocating the moments in anger and strife.
O what a mean little devil you are,
What a mean little devil you are.
Author notes
Written March 19th, 2006
A contest entry
- A Good Old Poem, from younger years by Violinstrings.
650 points, ended November 15, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I guess every one has their own opinion of what the devil is and what he looks like just as you have
Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest -
I found the words a bit too simple.
I just couldn't feel this.
Line eighteen:
"imprison" should be "imprisons" -
Yes I agree with you that the best writing often just comes to you (true creativity comes from the soul, not the brain), however, after putting down your words, go over (edit) what you have written to make sure they say what you intended to say and correct any errors!
The descriptor you use for your devil such as “Deceitful devil” is quite strong but “mean little devil“ and “What a trickster you are “ do not carry the same impact. Better choices for mean, in my opinion would be “cruel, callous, uncaring, malicious, despicable” and for trickster you could use “swindler, con-artist”.
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This is a prewrite and yet there are a number of simple, basic errors, the most glaring on lines 12,15,18,20 & 22, edit and edit till you are happy with the result. Unfortunately I get the feeling you don’t entirely dislike this little devil of yours, more power behind your words would have banished this feeling.
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GC De Piazzi do you know what you are talking about? Cause I don't.
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This is not a rewrite. I never edit and edit. The words came to me pretty fast. But thank for reading my poem though.
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awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !! i have never read something like this before , it was just so different and amazing !!
th rhyming too was excellent !!
thank you so much for entering and best wishes in the contest ,
your well wisher ,
-truthwriter- -
Such emotions and pain throughout your write. Good luck in my contest
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love this poem
i know a few people that fit it
but were you writing about someone or merely for someone?
hope your work continues to be great -
Great poem. I felt the torment and pain. Very well written. Great details and imagery. Thank you for sharing this write with me. Good luck in my contest. ttyl Tali
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This for #2 abuse write
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