Tell me
Did you know
That when your head grew
Your halo did too
And tell me
did you see
That when everything was fine again
That your halo had slipped from its perch atop your head
And became a noose around your neck?
Now your greed strangles you
And the maggots are in your eyes
The flies are in your gut
While your tongue pours out lies
like Molasses from the bottle
dripping down your neck
I hope it drowns your sorrows
I hope you it makes you sick
And this noose is not of rope
But rusty, barbed wire
Cutting into your flesh
And making wounds fresh
And stripping you of pride
Revealing all you hide
And all you lied
And every single time you spied
Not caring where the outcome lie
While your innards decomposed
And it seemed you'd never get old
Your only concern was your pretty, pretty skin
Your secretive contagion was the deadliest of sins
That stayed inside of you, rotting away,
Eating , ripping, clawing away
Into decay, which fertilized the eggs
of sin anew that grew in you
Into a devilish, pulsing worm
Slithering in your stomach
Slithering under your arms
Your sin's offspring which you made
The sin you thought you had caged
And I hope it makes you sick...
O, I hope it makes you sick. . .
Sicker than you are
I hope you enjoy the ride
Because when your ride has ended
And when no one's left to deceive
And when you cease to dangle
Just when you start to believe
But it's all too late
And your thoughts dissipate
Into a mere nothingness
Just. Like. You. Are.
Author notes
Just an extension of "Halo".
Written May 1st, 2006
May 20th, 2007: Option #5: Extreme contempt for another being---"Slipknot"---for contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2350908
A contest entry
- Many Options/My First Contest by EpicFailure.
600 points, ended May 24, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The darkwrite Challenge Returns by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
800 points, ended October 11, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is filled with dark imagery and chaos..I love this write.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Wow! yes the imagery in this was really dark and I could feel such angst throughout this. I felt the rhyme was a little off and forced at times, but overall and good piece.
Thanks for your entry.
Gaylene
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Thank you, Gaylene.
Yes, I do think the rhyming could have been a bit smoother. I wrote this when I had a lot of hatred inside of me and I didn't know how to get it all out safely, except by way of writing it; As a consequence, I got a lot of that forced rhyme you were talking about, and by the time I could bring myself to go back and look at the piece again,(it was the my shunned scapegoat; I thought if I didn't reiterate the feelings expressed, they might go away), it was too late. My opportunity for producing what was necessary, to express myself in the most appropriate form (in terms of the demands of the poem itself) had gone.
I've always told myself I'd go back and fix it one day, but the truth is I think I'm too scared I'll compromise it by editing it or something. I guess I'll have to one of these days, though. All beauty demands constant attention, so I can't ignore it forever.
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wow, this has some different imagery, but i like it, something being unique is good, good luck and thank you for entering
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i don't believe in being dishonest about someone's work just to spare their feelings, or to get points. i'm not mean about it, but how are people supposed to get any better if everyone just tells them "good flow, i like it."?
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Yeah, the only reason why I kept the first version is because of the ending: the Hades' shadow and the caste thing, which I'm probably gonna re-use in another poem.
As far as what this means to me, I can't really say. It's supposed to be directed towards certain people who think they are better then everyone else, or think that they have everything when in reality they have nothing and they just don't realize it. There are certain people that it is directed towards as well, but I won't mention them by name, Maybe they'll read this (though I doubt it) but just in case I'll refrain from saying anything further.
I'm really glad that you liked this though. You seem to give sincere opinions. -
fabuloso
Hmmm, i can't decide which version i like better. i like a lot of the vivid imagery that you added here, stuff like
"Eating , ripping, clawing away
Into decay, which fertilized the eggs
of sin anew that grew in you
Into a devilish, pulsing worm"
i love putting gross images into people's minds. even if they are disgusted, at least your poetry was good enough to get a reaction. that's not always an easy thing to do. i think i like the ending of this one better, although the "Hades Shadow" thing WAS pretty cool. But ultimately, they're both great. so tell me, what does this poem mean to you?
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Going back and reading old comments. . . I like that you asked me what this means to me. It shows that youre not just patronizing like everyone else on here.
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