Roundabout....
Your head is spinning and you want to shout
A Dervish religious experience of the most devout
You are crying for Mommy in the shadow of doubt
Spinning....
Not knowing the end or the beginning
A fairytale carousel of the fun and the Innocent grinning
An apple is made ripe and round for the sinning
And the noose snake wrapped around your neck
Before your senses could detect
The hinges of the trap door
The Masonic tiling on the great floor
Or the seductive petticoats of the Great Whore
A smack and a sudden break of the neck
The golden mermaids that inhabited the submerged shipwreck
Drowning in the uncharted seas of the subconscious
You did not hear the warning bells and the conches
Following the escape plan of the genetically modified grape
You managed to metamorphose from the hairs of the great ape
Drew colourful pictures on the darkened cave walls
Started to build mansions with great white halls
Learnt to leave history all behind in the time land
As you played with your castles in the learning sand
No regrets?
These are the sentiments that you respect
No more?
There is no more killing for the Matador
Laid out in costume on the white cosmic slab
Nature did defeat and manage to stab.
Dizzy?
Don't be silly
Playing in the segmented arcs of the circle of life
Cut and prepared by the Magikan's sharp silver knife
No beginning and no end?
Absolution and mutilations are the messages to send.
Author notes
Written April 30th, 2006
A contest entry
- Friends In Low Places(Invite Only) by BloodyCrystalEmbers.
350 points, ended August 6, 2006, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Titles, Quotes, and Things Like Poetry by Orual.
430 points, ended January 13, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Questions by photay.poetry.
600 points, ended July 16, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Phoenix by vierna.
600 points, ended August 1, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Baby Tug The String On My Back, Maybe I'll Breathe A Little Longer.] by SarahEatsAirplane.
343 points, ended August 21, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Great Poets are Dead and Crazy by alexandrathegreat.
800 points, ended September 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Secret Place (for pre-writes) by aslanlight.
600 points, ended September 1, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TONS OF OPTIONS!!! Please enter and give it a try, I want a lot more entries! by perfectsunset.
450 points, ended September 7, 2007, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Paint your picture in my mind_contest part one of four by drakostheron.
950 points, ended October 1, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Linkin Park...in the End....I had to fall to lose it all..... by FlamesDragoness.
1200 points, ended November 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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damn!
now that was incredible writing!
we could feel your ink gush us bloody and stark!
well done!
It is a banquet of a poem!
flamesdragoness
welcome to the finalist list!
whew...felt I lost a few layers of dragon scales there!
truly talented writer!
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Nicely done. Great poem and wonderful imagery created in this piece. Best of luck to you in my contest and thanks for entering
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I find myeslf with a wry smile! Your poetry dances, it has a beat and life and a strong voice. It's sometimes a particularly bleak look at life and I feel myeslf shouting 'there's more to it though!' Or perhaps less?
Peace Georgia
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I don't like the rhyme but the structure and topic are all good in my book. Then again I don't like any rhyme so don't take that as any offense. Wonderful images, true originality in this piece.
Thank you for entering.
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This must be the 3rd or 4th poem you've entered in my contest.
They are all amazing, but you don't include and option number in your authors note. You obviously didn't read the directions from my contest, so I'm sorry, but despite the depth and beauty i find in your poetry, I will no longer consider your poetry for the final judging. The previous poems you've entered, I will still take into consideration, but from this point forward, I will regretfully ignore your submissions. Sorry. -
Beautifully written...so full of imagery and vibrancy, however, I didn't care for the rhyming pattern you used...it sounded almost forced at times...just my humble opinion. I enjoyed reading it very much and thank you for entering my contest.
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Talk about roundabout!! you definately wrote like shakesphere! confusing but goood!!
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I love the religious and spiritual allusions. The poem certainly is confusing, but I think that's the point. I really like it.
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LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Georges....my goodness man, your work blows me away everytime!!! You rock man you know that? I loved the flow, the wording, the rhymes, you are the king!!!!! Everything you write amazes me, you truly have a way with words, you captivate me everytime!!Thanks for entering this, i absolutely LOVED IT!!!!!!
Thanks for entering it buddy...it's a pleasure as always, i really admire your work!!!! Keep it up!!!
~Terri Anna~ -
this si great. very descripptive and good use of words. i like how it was set out and the way u have ur rhyming. good luck and keep writin
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I felt at times some of the lines were too long, and also I didn't like the rhyme pattern you used. I feel the piece probably would work better in free verse but then of course that may take away from the totality of the piece.
I was thinking towards the end that perhaps if you wrote it in a way where, as you rhyme it the way you do, that you create enjambments along the way. I think that would read pretty well. Of course that's just me.
Though, I must say, that this is better rhymed than some of the other pieces I've read so far.
A nice piece that you have written here.
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Wonderful imagery as usual Georges Old lad, but what the hell is a Magikan? Did you mean magician?
have the clap.
Robin.
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"The golden mermaids that inhabited the submerged shipwreck
Drowning in the uncharted seas of the subconscious
You did not hear the warning bells and the conches
Following the escape plan of the genetically modified grape
You managed to metamorphose from the hairs of the great ape" that is the best part i my eyes! this whole thing was amazing i love how you presented it! <3 keep writting! i will keep an eye on you and wait for more! -
Great!
A perfect poem. You did a GREAT job with this. I really liked:
Absolution and mutilations are the messages to send.
That's how I feel. Anyway, keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!
R.M. Bramwell -
Powerhouse write!!!!
Okay first and foremost: nice to see you back on and I hope everything is going well. Secondly, you felt me beyond the word 'speechless' on into speechlessness and I say this because not only does your write hold that deep thought provoking flow throughout the write, but it held a rhythmic(sorry if misspelled) beat to it. This is the utmost creme de la creme of deep thoughts AND imaginery
Rae
Edited on Apr 30, 8:12 p.m. because 'needed a line'. -
Totally agree with the first two. You did leave one to ponder. Well done.
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oh yeah...no wonder you are on my favourites....
amazing poem....sweeping commentary on mankind's history all mixed up with religion and magic...
damned right you made me dizzy
this was wonderful!!!!
~tryst -
very nicely penned
mmm i like....just to go and read it again...nice flow and i like the attitude to me it has strength...good imagery your words have painted..there is plenty to ponder over the ending and so the circle continues.....ah but will the messsage be understood or taken up as we roll on in time.....this is a great write..
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