The girl at the ticket desk
takes your breath away
with her fresh face
and low-cut blouse.
Delicately avoid a glance
at the tattoo of a chinese pictogram
disappearing round
the enticing curve of her breast.
Through the corner of your eye
notice, as you walk away,
how she pulls her top up
as high as it will go.
A dirty old man
is, clearly, not at all
the person
she wore it for.
Author notes
Thanks to the members of 'The Meadows' for their comments, suggestions and help in refining this piece.
vic
Written April 29th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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lol i've done that
but not because the person in particular
more because i'm not fond of being ogled and likely didn't mean for my shirt to cut so low anyway
amusing little piece here -
lol
too true
I think you have done a great job, congrats.
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Oh, looks like her modesty finally kicked in a little too late. Why do people wear such things if they do not wish to be looked at? A humorous poem that is also very true to life.
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I really like the honesty of this piece and the clear images presented. It's ironic how the world presents itself then has their little "not for you!" moments. So many women are so ready to give some exposure to find the compliments of glances going their way - but how in the world do they expect everyone not to look? (craziness)
I do like this piece a lot as, even from the female side, I see such things go on all the time and think "atta boy!" when such a plan of female wile backfires.
cool poetry... then again, I always enjoy your writing.
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Comments remind me of great moments in theoretical brain surgery...
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Fishermen are so fickle. They bait the hook, and destroy or discard what bites if it isn't what they are looking for.
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This one just made me laugh.
Tink
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I rerally enjoyed this, its a little secretive, as the womanm has no idea she is being watched, and your use ofv imagery really helps tp plsy out the plot. Great job on this.
Szuanne
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good
hey that is really good. I wish that I was a beautiful person. I hate every thing about me and the way I look also. I need to lose whight and every thing. I am 150. I do not want to whight that much. Keep up the good work -
A nice together poem and each stanza has some vivid imargery.
~Selina~ -
a fine piece ... it has come together very nicely ... >>> GINA
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Excellent- just a great use of workshopping - but even more than that- a great use of your wording, your ideas, your fine poetic sensibilities.
m -
Vic, this has turned out really well..
it was cool seeing it develop in the workshop and how we all saw different things..
I kind of get a Benny Hill type of image goin' on in my head for some weird reason
I like this piece.. -
OKay, so ... I'm going to say obviously, but I don't really know if it is, so ... obviously this is talking to an old man staring inappropriately at a youthful lady? I mean, like, I didn't really get the title until after I read the poem and then went back to the title and was like "Oh okay. It must be an old man." Because at first I thought it was a young lad looking at a young lady but I don't really know so I'm just going to stop typing.
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So this surfaced before the lamb? Didn't have you down as a dirty old man - mind you, never seen you in your mac - nil desperandum - tit men have more fun........ x
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cute
even us dirty old men deserve a cheap thrill. Besides we appreciate more as I did this write
Joe -
Well done.........I have actually had this happen to me....
It was not intentional.......but boy........sometimes guys just can't do things discreetly........I of course confronted the person and he wandered off quite sheepishly.........
He deserved it..............Nice write.......very creative....
Leance
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Nice. I like it because it is a moment she got noticed and will never know. I think of things like that. How many times do you think someone gets noticed in life and never knows it? I like the imagery. TY for sharing.
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Loved it and so true of a lot of very dirty old men, lol. It made me laugh and smile, enjoyed it much. Great description. Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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Oh I loved this poem it was funny !!
Well written and a pleasure to read xx -
Cute poem.
Well Written.
Made me chuckle.
Jeannie D -
That ending gave me a smile. I think ending is the achilles heel of this work, it appears to have ended a little too abruptly...
Overall, a very good job!
D -
Not a tit man meself... much prefer a nice arse and long legs.
I like the poem though so maybe you could create an effort about me leering at a nice firm peach?
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Shit. I always thought that was the reason birds wore bugger all and showed off their tattooed asses and metal-penetrated navels. You mean it's for young immature gits after all? It's f*cking suicide time.
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I like dirty old men.
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another enjoyable poem. very well observed and beautifully written
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