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Raven’s Kiss

Missing image

 

He was just a Scottish lad
Born down in Dundee
My true love vow I gave to him
My heart will wait for thee

Trouble, toil did follow him
As he made his life on sea
The Raven’s Kiss beneath his feet
My heart will wait for thee

Through port of call the letters came
Some few and far between
His loving script did lift my heart
My heart will wait for thee

 

A handsome lad’s eye soon I caught
And he pledged his love for me
To turn him down was hard to do
My heart will wait for thee

 

Over a year since I held him close
The Raven’s Kiss still out to sea
I will not think of what may have been
My heart will wait for thee

 

The mast appear on the horizon
A greater sight I’ll never see
The Raven’s Kiss returns to home
My heart will wait for thee

 

Wedding bells soon rang out
Our love for all to see
And now my soul it is complete
My heart did wait for thee

Author notes

It's meant to have sort of a folksy Celtic rhythm to it.

Allrighty....this is the first such poem like this that I have written. I'm not sure if I should continue it, or let it end like it did....but it's hard to find words that rhyme with thee, and will makes sense.

Image from http://www.kenbushe.co.uk/html/water_-_contemporary_seascape_.html
Written April 27th, 2006

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Kari gold member
    December 17, 2006

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    Oh wow this was wonderful....I've not read a poem like this before you did great! The best of luck to you in the contest

    Kari


  • Corey Harvard gold member
    October 21, 2006
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    A charming little poem.

    It seems as though you have a decent grasp on rhythm. That was nice. Also, your use of refain... I think it was well-worked. I'm a sucker for refrain lines when they're used with taste.

    To me, Paul Laurence Dunbar (check him out on OldPoetry) used refains more effectively than any other famous poet. If you happen to glance at his work, read "Sympathy" or "Farm House by the River".

    All in all, this was a lovely lyrical piece. The message was clear from beginning to end and the poem did feel resolved (the conclusion did its job ) .

    For the sake of meter, I wonder if taking out the "because" in the last line might be better?

    Certainly a pleasure to read; above par.

    - C.H.
    Edited on Oct 21, 11:53 p.m. because ''.


  • Rubee
    July 18, 2006
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    When it's true love, you will wait, no matter what!! There was a time that many a young maiden had to wait for her lover to return from sea, so that's surely not that unusual... well maybe not in today's society LOL. I loved the story woven in this piece. Stories/poetry/songs such as this hold a special place in my soul, even though I haven't an ounce of celtic blood in me... but maybe in a past life LOL
    A truly enjoyable read Barbara... I read through it a few times, only so I could linger in the imagery a bit longer

  • Cryptic-Haze
    July 11, 2006
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    Groovy poem! I stumbled a bit over the line 'A handsome lad’s eye soon I caught', but the rest flowed with a good flow.

    There's something about an old fashioned love type poem that just seems so 'not you' . Can't see youi waiting a year for anyone.


  • TanyaB
    April 28, 2006
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    she's a fine lass

    Wow, that is quite a switch from your usual style of writing. I must say I quite enjoyed it. It did have that sort of celtic sing-song (for lack of a better word) rhythm to it. There are a couple of spots where the meter could be a little tighter, but it was enjoyable nonetheless


  • wattle silver member
    April 27, 2006
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    Ms Barbara, I like, there is something about poetry/writing with a historical (formal) feel. I like to read them (now) and yet I remember what I used to say about it (them) when at school and forced to study the like. Thank you.

1 - 6 of 6