Five minutes to midnight - or thereabouts
And I should really be asleep by now
(But I am too lazy to look at the clock)
So the time remains elusive
And I wonder
What lies past the screen of obscurity -
Beyond the open window
There has to be
Light
Out there somewhere…
Arrangements by candleflame
Eyes sensitive and itchy
Neck, face, exposed
Tender half-moons white
Sunburned sore
Schadenfreude consuming
Dredging the depths of fantasy
The tiny black kitten
With the heart of a panther
Paws so soft and tongue rough
Has stolen my blanket
Asleep now
In the crook of my arm
(He can have it –
It’s too warm anyway)
And I must send this implication
Winging across the ocean
Through cornfields and forests
Fogbanks and dry, dry earth
Think of me, my bittersweet love
And bid me rest
In windchime speech
Such gentle goodnights
As I know you are so capable of
That I may dream of
Tempest touching
And smile before I sleep…
Beautiful Atrocities
©Fox
Author notes
The word is "schadenfreude" meaning "Taking pleasure in the misfortunes of others"
Written April 26th, 2006
A contest entry
- Word of the Day III by Gaffer.
300 points, ended June 4, 2006, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poet Laureate of all AP for the year 2007 Contest # 87 at The Winkler by Andantino.
875 points, ended January 12, 2007, 65 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Congratulations for winning gold with this write. It would be interesting to see what all of the others would write if they had the same word. Way to go.
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PhoenixFox:
Thank you for putting in the effort and for entering my contest. I gave this poem the gold trophy for a few reasons. First of all, I enjoyed the pacing, and the way you melted one thought into the next. It seemed to flow the same way thoughts would flow through someone's head in a situation like this, and at an hour like this. So, in that way, you made your poem believable. I also enjoyed some of the imagery (I'm big on imagery by the way). This image:
"Arrangements by candleflame
Eyes sensitive and itchy
Neck, face, exposed
Tender half-moons white
Sunburned sore"
was the best image in the poem. It draws your attention into all those little details. The only part of that stanza I really didn't care for was that the word schadenfreude didn't seem to fit well (I'm agreeing with Malefic Dreams on that one). But I think the word should definitely be incorporated into that stanza, because the mood in that stanza seems perfect for the word. I think the problem is actually that you followed "schadenfreude" with "consuming" and so that line just seems a little too long, with too many syllables, so it doesn't flow as well as the rest of the poem. Perhaps "consuming" can be replaced with a different word? Or do you really need the word "consuming" at all? I think schadenfreude is a strong enough word to stand on its own.
I love the interruption with the kitten. Once again, this makes the situation believable, as usually our night-time thoughts are interrupted by events like this. The end of that stanza is also great on imagery too:
" Winging across the ocean
Through cornfields and forests
Fogbanks and dry, dry earth"
I also love the words "windchime speech". Excellent image there too. The only other criticisms I have are that "bittersweet love" is a little cliche, and based on the rest of your poem, you are most definitely capable of thinking up a more unique term than that. I'm sure you could create an absolutely wonderful image of bittersweet love, and be able to portray that concept without using those somewhat bland words. I'm also not too fond of the title. Once again, "atrocities" is a somewhat overused word and is becoming cliche. I love how the poem ends and the overall mood of the poem is strongly conveyed without using vocabulary that is too dark. You have some subtle language in there that works to create the tone of the piece. I'd just like to congratulate you on this piece and I hope to read more poems like this from you in the future. Well done.
~Gaffer
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Such a varity of words used to inspire these poets. Such a variety of forms, and styles in these entries. Enjoyed your write.
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Iteresting concept. I have had these thoughts many times. Time is an enemy. Sleep is often delayed.
the word you used was a little abrupt...out of place. but the rest of the piece was great.
Brandon Griffee -
Very interesting write! I really enjoyed it! Keep up the wonderful work, and I hope the kitty doesn't steal your blankets everynight!
Blessed Be & Brightest Blessings,
Sarah AKA LadyDragonWolfe -
Nice write. Like the kitty invasion into the flow of thought. God bless and write on.
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