media.putfile.com/Turd-in-my-Toilet
Well, there's a turd in my toilet,
A situation rather weird.
The only thing that woman left me
When she up and disappeared.
A chocolate-colored token of
The one I held so dear.
A turd in my toilet, I fear.
Yes, there's a turd in my toilet,
Crap in my commode!
Floating in my Sani-flush!
I'm ready to explode.
Her clothes are gone, the car is, too
No checkbook do I see. There's just a
Turd in the toilet for me.
Oh, I can picture the scenario,
See her packing frantically
Throwing clothes into the car
To get away from me.
And then, a bowel movement,
Perhaps excitement brought it on.
A final trip down to the john,
A - PFFFFFFFFFFT! - and she was gone.
Problem is, in her big rush,
She forgot to flush!
And left a........
Turd in my toilet.
Big one in my bowl!
Watching it float so aimlessly
Ignites my very soul.
In a week or two, I'll flush it down,
Till then, I'll let it float around
Aim at it whenever I pee
And she can take that from me!
Author notes
For my prize, I would like a backrub from galfalfa - or the World Cup trophy keychain.
Written April 26th, 2006
A contest entry
- Pick a Prize (Audio) Contest by galfalfa.
300 points, ended May 9, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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What a delightful song. And an audio file as well. I shall save that one up for my old age.
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LOL! Glad you enjoyed it, Zorro...thanks for letting me know
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I love it, it's very very clever, and as you cay proof, that even crap can be a poem. I dont know what else to say, i loved it, and when people ask me why i'm smiling today, i'll say because someone who's works i read today, has a turd in his toilet!
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LOL! Thank you, Tammy....I love to see that smile
Miss you 
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OMG
Once again you have done it. you have brought me to tears with pains in my side. I swear out of all the poets on AP, no one can make me laugh as hard as the one and only Balladeer.
Thanks Michael for this laugh. I know its been a while since i have read you, and I hope to read you again soon'
Tammy
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Congrats on an untidy bowl win!
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Hey, I'm with you, Sherry.....famous would work well for me!
Glad I could bring a smile....thanks for enjoying!
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Now this was so funny and you got that country voice
I think you should become famous (LOL) this was crazy
but funny
Sherry
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Oh dear a floater not nice but very funny well sung and cleverly put together. All the best with this
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This is just way too funny be, especially before coffee I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
DT -
smelly!
You're best rid of her - that woman was a piece of shit!
Funny song - music would have enhanced it.
The format of the poem bugged me a bit though - some verses 3 lines, some 4 ; still it's worth an applause for its originality.
Regards,
Robin. -
Very uplifting and hilarous! I love reading your works.
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lol what a scream you are enjoyed this very much you always bring laughter to your poems and this is yet another thanks for sharing your talents and good luck in the contest
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Lol.. Well, Michael, I guess I could put that on my agenda for when I come to Florida in September... My sis has given me a list of things she has planned for me... I'll tell her to add the back rub to the list...just in case Gal isn't available, of course.
I love the comments you're getting on this ...they're as good as the song you sing .... and thanks for adding the words for us to read as we sing along with you
Dee
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Sing along Mike:
There was a turd in your toilet
And whats’ that supposed to mean?
A turd in your toilet
Is there to just be seen
She left you a ‘memo’
Of the crappiest kind
So next time you see her
You can k* her sweet behind.
I'll leave you to fill in the * - perfect sound effects I can tell you've done that before
Von
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hahaa, I liked it but thought symitars comment was even funnier hahahahahahah Good lucks Pj's
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fartstanding
Damn, you know how to fart a good song!!
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LMAO!!! LMAO!!! What a shitty thing for her to do! You are such a nut case Loved the sound effects you added - i do believe you have missed your calling - a poet, a singer and a sound effects guy ..all rolled into one. If i were you i'd flush the toilet - no sense longing for a log that will never be - I've heard if kept too long they start growing those sea monkeys and then you'll be up shit creek and have to call a plumber - and they dont come cheap This was a hoot and a half...absolutely loved it! Thanks for entering!
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thank you, Dee! I've added the words now so you can sing along next time If she backs out on the back rub....are you available?
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Lol... great job, Michael.... I listened to the recording of your entry, so funny I also registerd on putfile so I could rate your piece but it kept telling me IE had encountered a problem and was shutting down. I'll try again later.
But your poem is a funny piece of 'crap'... a real 'turd' of a poem
And you have a point... who says a good poem can't be a bunch of crap.
Good luck in the contest I bet galfalfa picks you as winner just so she can give you that back rub
Dee
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