Sebastian the Two-Bearded Hand, Part One

Our story takes place several years ago,
I'd say one hundred and fifty or so.
It was a time of high seas and high drink,
Of magnificent boats and of clean kitchen sinks
That never stayed clean, for the pirates were dirty,
The cannonballs flew, and the maidens were flirty.
A time of great treasure, of loot and of plunder;
Of violent raiding, of lightning and thunder.
The boots were for kicking, the swords were for stabbing.
Food was for eating, and gold was for grabbing.

This story concerns a great pirate vessel.
Its captain was fearsome and knew how to wrestle.
Its crew was so mean, so coarse and so tough
For them, mere piracy was not quite enough.
They spent their days busily sharp'ning knives,
Killing small nerd-types and stealing their wives.
But enough on the crew, I shall talk of the ship.
Throughout ocean waters this vessel did zip.
At maximum speed she was faster than fast;
In no pirate race would she ever come last.

This ship had a name that struck fear into hearts.
At its mere mention on brows would sweat start.
This ship was named aptly: "Serendipitous Llama"
And as you can see, the name could cause drama.
Its length was quite lengthy, its randomness clear,
Its infamy spread out afar and a-near.
The Llama was purple, its sails were of blue,
The oars were of green, a peculiar hue.
The cannons were red and the cannonballs pink
(The colour alone caused hundreds to sink).

Now the Captain I mentioned, who knew how to wrestle,
The almighty Chief of this almighty Vessel:
His name too was fearsome, indeed it was grand.
His name was Sebastian The Two-Bearded Hand.
But where this name came from, no one could know
For if he was asked, the Captain would show
His psychotic side, his murderous ire,
Causing his foe to completely expire.
He was good at killing, he found it quite thrilling
When watching the blood of his enemy spilling.

Sebastian had plans of a quite fiendish sort
And one night he revealed them whilst sipping on port.
"Me hearties," he growled, "I have me a plot
To gain we some treasure; to gain we a lot.
This plan be for violence, for plunder and loot
For kicking of people with all of our boots."
And he threw down the map, with diagrams sketched,
Detailing the treasure that was to be fetched.
"Me hearties!" he thundered, spilling his drink,
"This be me plan; now what do ye think?"

His crew they did cheer, did holler and shout;
Took off their bandannas, and danced all about.
"Ahoy!" cried the crew, "This be a grand scheme
To make us all wealthy, beyond all our dreams."
Sebastian he nodded, and then raised his sword,
"I promise great riches, to all ye aboard!"
By Sebastian's vow the crew was inspired
And did very quickly the tasks he required.
Quite soon the Llama was ready to sail;
The crew was certain that they would prevail.