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Night in Black

 

Revere in kindness
Pick apart your blood
A gift to god
...........Fine 

Soothing
>>>>>>Moving>>>>>>

Choosing Your weapon
Clouds remain
Draining

Empty, you dissect
your purple safety
 
 Love, what have we done
  Where have we gone

Grandiloquence

Covering your eyes from the sun
At last, they've won

At last We're Butterflies
With handcuffs
And empty hands and hearts
And eyes

Disabled Mores
Clinging to Gods hand
Evangelical
Still empty
Perpetual
Frigid
Impassive
Deny you're burying alive
Just one more night in black
Just one more knight

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------For those of you who have a hard time with this one it's about the war in the middle east.

Author notes


Written April 25th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 62 of 62
  • Bapudi
    May 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    not bad enough!

    C'mon, this isn't a bad poem. Do you think it is?


  • fallenangel671
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    loved it, confused me at first until i read the explination. i loved how it described the war in the middle east. keep writing!!
    ~Ashley~


  • Angel w o Wings
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your comment

  • augustconfession
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    At last We're Butterflies
    With handcuffs
    And empty hands and hearts
    And eyes


    this is my favorite part.
    inspiring poem.
    excellent work.

  • Crying Soul
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I kinda understood this.I understood this more when you said it was about war. Thanks for that. I think I have to catch up on my english. Being in Puerto Rico sorta messed that up gor me.I'm forgeting my english.Anywho take care and bye!


  • May 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow, well done. a moving poem!


  • May 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    moving write.


  • cherche -d -ame
    May 6, 2006
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    .....and may the strength of a thousand plus butterfly-wings break those cuffs (it is only then that we will soar). I am pleased to see a little bit of a rebelling and uprising as of late (especially in the writing community) I am just wondering what took so long .....? Anyway, no need to say more , so I will just applaud,
    reenie


  • masterblaster gold member
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, this is a very good write and does not need the ........ or the > < , it is strong without them, great feel, lovely write, all the best in the comp, hugs Di


  • lonely and free
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting style and powerful message. we are all handcuffed butterflies and only acceptance of difference has the key.. thought provoking write.

  • Cristea
    May 6, 2006
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    very good

    Very sweet and tender.Good job!Deep emotions and ver touching.
    Sweet love is in the air like a breath of wind that touches our hearts.Shiver of love comes into your poem.I can feel the
    energy of your poem.I can see butterflies searching for love.
    Sweet love slides on our eyelashes.I liked your poem.

  • olddrivelandrubbish
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    nutfactor9

    mmm.. certainly original... but surely youve hit the nail on the head... my understanding... admitedly coming from limited media feedback (all probably biased) and no personal experiance... is that many Ammericans believe in god.
    and this belif extends to the concept that fighting this war... too... errr.... free a populus from an evil man... is good acording to god. in the best interests of gods plans...

    surely no defective from a nut house could be so completly blind on 2 counts??/

    or so i thought...
    pretty m uch untill i discovered AP
    here they are... or some of them... the greater spotted colonising soldiers exported and 'armed in their stings' from the worlds most efficient nuthouse...

    your views here...

    despice the interesting imagery and presentation...

    your views here... are surely not real... god for 1, and he sence that gods either helping or condoning for 2...

    the most tollerent religions like buddism and islam generally accept other cultures, but for most US christians the concept that there religion is the leas tollerent.. the furthest from peace and he most evil would be considered heresy...

    tell me...

    how did this plague of blindness sweep your glorious land...

    totaly fin lost

    tj


  • knitonepearlone
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Once I read your explanation I re-read and understood. This is a powerful write which conveys the strength of your feelings towards the events in the Middle East. An excellent write!


  • starwing
    May 6, 2006
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    thank you for something i could read without glasses... LOL... a good piece... with plenty of emotion behind it...peace to you...shzoosy


  • Lazarus Merlinus
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    While this is overtly about the war in Iraq, you have also made a very strong case for the glories and costs of any war. . .I have had many friends that were in VietNam and not a few that were in Big II, and those who can and will talk about what they did and saw will all say the same thing: it was glory, and liberation and blood and chaos and I will never again be as alive as I was then and I am eternally damned for what I have done, and everyone should have the experience, but I cannot reccomend it to any sane person. You have captured all of this in this verse, and I did not think it could be done at all never mind so vibrantly and well.

  • Hex Alos
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    By the sea! What a poem of great dextrious movement, you have woven a an elegant tapastry that flows through the mind of those that read it, at the end of the poem I envisioned falling flowers of mourning... This poem is so very... Agile in wording. Great job! Keep up the good work!


  • Barefoot silver member
    May 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    butterflies in handcuffs... an allusion to Pappilon?? and being imprisoned unfairly?
    Interesting style and format. good luck in the contest. might reread the rules as your comments are lacking a necessity.
    found your words emotive if disconnected. Some seem to jump out and stand alone.. perhaps intentionally.
    thank you for your words. good luck.


  • gullionmar
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW VERY AWSOME WRITING KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    Graet write, took me a couple times reading ad I finally got it also thanks to the authors comments lol. alittle slow i guess but your uniquness and wording was great aw welk. Thanks so much for sharing.
    God bless
    Victoria


  • The Morning Star
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    a very good write you made and very strongly written my hats off to you on a good write.
    The Morning Star

  • froglover
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for sharing this excellent poem. I appreciated the explanation, otherwise for me it would have been too abstract. I liked the lines about the butterflies and handcuffs. It expressed a lot.


  • Mary Nagy
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful poem. Sincerely, Mary


  • This is Survival
    May 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Forget something in your Author Comments, perhaps?


  • blueyez
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very deep and original! I like! much props!

  • Aslyn
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    I really liked this. Especially the last two lines. Thanks for posting.


  • Hella Bella
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a gorgeous poem, and in reading the explanation of it, chilling at the same time. Yet very appropriate. This part really struck me for some reason:
    "*At last We're Butterflies
    With handcuffs
    And empty hands and hearts*
    And eyes

    Disabled Mores
    Clinging to Gods hand
    Evangelical
    Still empty
    Perpetual
    Frigid
    Impassive
    Deny you're burying alive
    Just one more night in black
    Just one more knight"

    Gods, just... WONDERFUL! Keep writing!!!!!


  • FreeSpiritedSoul
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow very creative welldone keep it up. you have a wounderful imagineation i really understood you poem. xxxFreeSpiritedsoulxxx


  • Nermin Nazim
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    great work

    At last We're Butterflies
    With handcuffs
    And empty hands and hearts
    And eyes
    I love it. but it is all amazing. but this is very interesting, the imagery, the very powerful words and their choice, the order in which that reasoning flows.
    beautiful


  • nichtmich silver member
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    LOL

    Some extremely powerful words, but sorry, I read it twice and I just don't get it, LOL, probably just me. Beautiful imagery with no substance behind it I see that a lot of other people like it, so hats off to you

  • indigo crow
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i feel this deeply. i lost one of my best friends during this war. R.I.P. Nathan Bradley Clemons, this really brings a tear to my eye, i know so many people over there, the stories i hear from them are just outrageous, i feel for all of our soldiers, you did this beautifully. i would say perfectly, to be exact. i am definitly interested in your writing. your vocabulary and metaphors are amazing!


  • decoratedemergency
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!!

    i love the seemingly accidental rhythm that you set up and establish through this magnificent work. You truly are a gifted artist and the completely new, contemporary poem was nice and refreshing compared to most other works that I have read. This is a wonderful poem, and thank you so much for sharing it with the public.


  • shadow-lily
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    your poem was AMAZING! thank you SO much for sharing it, your words and the way you set them up, was just so...wow! great job thank you~~!!
    -LiLi-


  • ennovy silver member
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Vividly written, REAL!

    You have once again tickled my love for words, to the point that it was unique, vivid, so honest. we are just as you have said; Hands tied, weak as the butterflies, because nothing has changed in the land of OIL!?! You hit the nail on the head, about one very gaudy current event...Write on!! David, your talent to be outstanding is just glowing like the sun! Keep um coming!......ennovy


  • bedazzled
    May 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the explanation! Even if I didn't really understand until I saw that I still really enjoyed the imagery and descriptions used. Great write

  • comet of 1989
    April 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery, this is such a descriptive piece. you have a lot of talent and i really enjoyedc reading this piece. well done, thanks for sharing
    X tragedy X


  • yellowsub
    April 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was awesome. These are the parts I enjoyed.

    "Choosing Your weapon
    Clouds remain
    Draining"

    "Love, what have we done
    Where have we gone"

    "Covering your eyes from the sun
    At last, they've won"

    "At last We're Butterflies
    With handcuffs
    And empty hands and hearts
    And eyes"

    Those were all great. Truly inspiring. I love it.
    Keep up the great work.
    yellowsub



  • Hard-Iron-Wings
    April 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it a lot. I'm not sure what you were trying to get across.. but what it meant to me was the connection between love on earth and love of God.. i dunno.. something like that.


  • Claide
    April 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Profound. While I may have a difficult time understand the theme of this write, it would certainly make an impressive performance piece. I've never been able to land wordplay like this.

  • weird-cheese-girl
    April 29, 2006
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    this is very nicely written well done im not 2 keen on dark poems but this was very well written maybe next time you could rite a happy poem just an idea


  • Angel w o Wings
    April 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I know it's a difficult read. I never care to be understood. Thats not my outlook on life, nor is that why I write poetry. I write poetry for the simple fact that I can. I love the art. And some of you that feel different about my art well, that's your problem, not mine. I should'nd have to explain myself to the world every time I release a gift of myself to you. So , this will be the last time I do so. This poem is about the war in the middle east.

    Thank You All,
    David S

  • JaysonBaby
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    hey that is really good. Keep up the good work


  • lenore
    April 28, 2006
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    I like the fact that although there are so very few words, it's extremely descriptive. You can feel the pain through the lines.

    [[I sort of find it pretty cool how you use the word purple/violet, which is the color of pride, and knights were supposed to be the right hand of the king, making them extremely prideful. Just thought I should say.]]

  • GuthCeoil
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    Wow, this is vivid. I particularily like this comment.

    "At last We're Butterflies
    With handcuffs
    And empty hands and hearts
    And eyes"

    So simple and yet powerful.
    Very good read.


  • ebaby
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    interesting poem, I read it 4 times and seems as if there is alot of pain within your words. A great loss perhaps... or sadness of many nights I really dont know....


  • gullionmar
    April 28, 2006
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    nice rhying but hard to capture meaning of your words but it makes one think and that is good keep on writing


  • earthstar
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. A person has to think about it before they get it.
    Good work.

  • fight
    April 28, 2006
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    I didn't really understand what was going on here, i usually find that people with peices like this write a little description of the different parts in the Author comments bit.

  • Veil of Winter
    April 28, 2006
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    The imagery in here was amazing. This was a very thought-provoking piece, and I'm glad it got in the featured section or else I probably never would have found it. Great job, keep up the good work!

  • Eulb kcalB
    April 28, 2006
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    intriguing piece
    i found the form to be different and unique
    i also found the word play used here forces the reader to think
    that is always a good thing in my book!
    anything that stimulates my mind i consider it to be
    good


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    really different style then the ones I use to like, but nut less impact on me.....
    xxjeannette


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    April 28, 2006
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    beautiful.. i love the rich but not overplayed language.. avoids the piece becoming too cliche..
    i like the format as well.. though maybe the font is a tiny bitt large.. in a way it makes it less... i dont know.. believable.. well not that.. but i think after acertain size it begins to detract from the poem slightly.. though i dont know why.. so its a pointless thing to say.. sorry.
    very dark poem and imagery... keep writing
    all my love
    jess


  • Blazing White Wolf
    April 28, 2006
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    this is quite dark and has a rhythmic beat to it the imagary use is good and flow nice it is quite abstract though but well done
    love and light
    blaze


  • April 28, 2006
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    love it love it


  • NoMoreSorrow
    April 28, 2006
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    i would agree that it is very confusing. I am sure it has alot of meaning to you and that is truly all that really matters.

  • FindingFate
    April 28, 2006
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    I am with those that do not get it at all. However that being said some of you were ruder than you needed to be. Ty for sharing it with us any way and never give up.


  • Samyuktha P.C.
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    lol... the comments are indeed varied in this column.. i must say i liked your poem.. actually got nothing really to say about it.. cos i do not know if i really inderstood it.. will be back to read it a coupld of times more i guess.or indeed some of your other work.. yeah mines such a useless comment.. lo.. anyway.. regards
    sam


  • Angel w o Wings
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You don't aways have to understand to appreciate but, I'm sure that's not the case here or you would have looked it over in the first place. But, if you must know. Its about the war in the middle east.


  • BlueIsisQueenRaven
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Roaring applauses and standing ovations!!!!!

    You know I found this piece most intriguing really. No matter how many times one reads it...you find something new within. I found your style unique as well. You certainly have a flair! Truly remarkable! What an honor to read!

    ~Lady Ashreal~


  • Bloodgoat
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    And to understand art is to appreciate it. I'm sure if I understood what you meant by everything in this poem I would appreciate much more than I do now, but the meaning is beyond my grasp. I was never good with metaphors, which is why I am blunt in my writing. Oh well, sorry Angel.
    - the Ravaged Carcass.
    Edited on Apr 28, 1:58 because ''.

  • Angel w o Wings
    April 28, 2006
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    This is why poetry is called an art, and not a science. Sorry. Try again.


  • Bloodgoat
    April 28, 2006
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    Not my cup of tea

    I won't agree with the previous comment at all. I was confused when I started, and was until the end. You misspelled "dissect," and what is "purple safety" supposed to symbolize?? And butterflies? With handcuffs? Sorry, hun, but you used a lot of metaphorical imagery I couldn't interpret in the next thousand years. Also, the title is "Night in Black" even though the last two lines explicitly say "Knight in Black." Did you mean to do this or was it just a typo?
    - the Ravaged Carcass.


  • Astral Flare
    April 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Grrrrreat!

    At first I must say that I felt a little confused...kind of like being pulled in too many directions. But as I finished the poem, I felt more like it all came together, so all in all I really enjoyed this poem.
    -Tim

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