Do you care anymore, do I?
I watched while you spiked your caffeine with booze to
Wash down the Advil you take for your hangover. You always
Have a hangover these days. Preparing for another show you glibly
Say as I watch the blood red lipstick stain your lips. Your short
Silver shirt barely covered your wares, but that was the point,
Wasn't it. Do you care anymore, do I?
Your spiked high heels that really weren't meant to be walked in and
The top that wouldn't keep you warm, but the shiver of the cold would
Show off your breasts, displaying more wares.
Would you come home tonight?
Would you be beaten or raped?
Do I care anymore
You came here to do theatre, to be on Broadway you said. You found a
Stage and you believe you're just an actor playing a part on the street.
Do you realize this is your life and not a play.
Do you care anymore, do I?
We scream and shout, calling each other names, but still you paint
Your face, trying to hide those lines that tell the truth. Your
Eyes are old and dull, they hold no joy. The life you lead is killing
You, little by little each night. I wish you'd come home with me,
I can't stay anymore. Your pride is exacting a terrible price,
One that booze can no longer hide.
Do you care anymore, do I?
Author notes
I saw show on PBS about young girls who went to New York to do theatre and end up being prostutites. One of them had a family member that had just found the young girl, but she was putting up walls and defeating every effort of the family member to take her out of the situation.
NOTE: This what the poem was based on, not me or anyone I know of personally.
Written April 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Bring Me Your Treasures!~ {contest : 10} by PerfectImperfection.
300 points, ended August 16, 2006, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abuse: Many Types, Many Options, Many Results by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 20, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by IamRemy.
625 points, ended August 5, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into gold part 6 by whispernthedark.
500 points, ended September 12, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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no.
the random line breaks and capitalization threw off the flow.
although there were some pretty good images/ideas, I think they could have been executed better.
thanks for entering. -
no
I think the repetition is what really threw this off for me, and also, I think it would have been better had there been more poetic device. You have plenty of imagery, but it's too literal, I think if you were to use more metaphor and things like that, this would really shine.
Please wait for the other judge to comment with her opinion.
♣ Tegan -
You did a great job of capturing the plight of many people that take off for the big time and end up in the alleys. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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This is a great write about something very painful, but I don't think it fits into my contest here. I wanted poems that offer words of hope and encouagement. Congratulations on your previous trophy. It is well deserved, and thanks for entering. Blessings, Patty
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Merry meet,
Thank you for commenting and for the congrats. That is fine that it doesn't fill the bill (so to speak
) of what you were going for in your contest. No feelings hurt here in that regard.
Amythest
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Hi,
What an excellent piece of poetry that reaches out and entangles the readers into emotional despair. Perhaps inspired by a movie, but this is all too real how some people just get so lost in their lives, almost to a point of no return... Yes, from close or far, we all know someone on this path of doom.
Thank you for sharing this piece, so much well worth the read.Ron *wolf*
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Merry meet,
Thank you for your applause and for comenting on my poem. The show that this was based was so sad and depressing. Some of the girls were trying to get out of the "life" but they had no place to go, or at least they didn't believe that they had a place to. What a waste!
Thanks again.
Amythest
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Very alluring.
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This is a very unique style, I like the line structure and I like the way you add detail to every line so we can see, smell, feel etc what is going on in this image.
♥ -
I think that so many of us can relate to this piece. This is a very thought provoking and very true piece of writing.
I like the message you're trying to convey.
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Merry meet truth,
Thank you for your applause and for your insightful comments. The show was a very depressing show and stuck with me for quite awhile. I felt so bad for some of those girls, but for some, it was a better situation that what they left at home. That was the really depressing part for me.
Thank you again.
Amythest
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Wow, I am impressed with your muse: the images you paint are very striking, and gives a cinematic atmosphere. In a way, it's like dystopia in their nightmare, and it is as if you were the passerby, recording the dystopia and reflecting the miseries of the world. Good job and best of luck in the contest!
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i read your author comment explaining where your inspiration for this poem came from and i must say that i'm impressed. you've pulled a great write from that thought
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Merry meet PerfectImperfection,
Thank you for your wonderful comments. This is (I think) once of my darker "realism" pieces on social commentary. I really like this poem myself. Thanks again.
Amythest -
You have created a very interesting piece with your muse of inspiration; the story of those girls. Very intriguing! Thanks so much for entering and best wishes!
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this is a very good poem it explains alot and it is very emotional. keep this up. Thanks for entering *amber*
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Interesting read, and I agree with some of the above comments that it is very intense. I watched the show your talking about(I think)or one very similar about failing actors becoming prostitutes, you captured the feeling of hopelessness very well,Good Luck with the contest!
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Merry meet Allen0826,
thank you for reading and commemting on my poem. Your right, there but for the grace of the Goddess go I.
Amythest -
Merry meet allforlove123,
Thank you for reading my poem. Communication is defintely the key in any relationship, including those between families.
Amythest -
Merry meet Xxx4gottenxsoulxxX,
Thank you for reading my poem and yes, I do know that it is just not aspiring actresses that end up this way in the cities. The show was about several Boys and girls. This one girl stuck out in my mind though.
Amythest -
Merry meet gullionmar,
thank you for reading my poetry.
Amythset -
Merry meet julie42,
I understand what you mean. I tried to write from the point of veiw of a person also involved but has enough resolve to get herself out, but is having wondering if she really does care for the other person. She had arguments for both to leave, but she just doesn't have any emotional reserves left for her friend.
Amythest -
Merry meet Sarah Louise Hudson,
Thank you for reading my poem and commenting on it. The reason for caps at the beinging of each line is purely stylistic on my part. In regards to the question of:
Do you care anymore do I?" needs a question mark after 'anymore' - Do you care anymore? Do I?
I considered the way you suggested but I felt that it implied to much intrest and caring. The feeling I wanted to put across was one of loss of intrest in caring for the girl. That the from the point of view of the person writing it, they are also living the same situation and just no longer have the ability to care. Seperating it into two seperate sentences would imply that there still was some ability to care.
Amythst
Edited on Apr 25, 8:58 because 'spelling'. -
I really enjoyed reading this. The content is very true and full of emotion. It makes you think about life and just thank God that you do not have to struggle down that road. It's too bad that some people do though. Great content in here and good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing this!
Allen0826 -
Wow such hard core honesty. We all see things in one another that ourselves cannot see. The way my guy and I stay together is by taking a look at ourselves through each others eyes. We have constructive conversations on our actions and how they make us feel. I am sorry for those who just don't get it. You conveyed a beautifully sad message here. Thank you for sharing.
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this is an interesting poem and the feelings of bitterness some of the questions showed was great keep writing
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I like the way you wrote this, I especislly like do you care anymore, do I. this is good poetry.thanks for sharing with us I'm going to try a different style here pretty soon, again thanks.
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oh, wow. this is an intense read. wow...this is such a real poem. sorry, this might sound like crap. i go to hi school you see, it's just not aspiring actresses, you know that right?very powerful. leaves me very speechless. wow again
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I really liked the content of this contest entry - I could feel the biterness in those descriptions and questions.
I do think that it doesn't need capital letters at the start of each line and The line "Do you care anymore do I?" needs a question mark after 'anymore' - Do you care anymore? Do I?
I really liked this and wish you all the luck in the contest!!
Sarah Louise Hudson
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Yeah, it's such a waste. I like the vivid way you've presented this message
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wow good job decribing someone lost and alone in the big role of prostitution so very sad but true to the t great job keep up the nice writes
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honest and powerful
This happens every single day all over the world young girls selling their bodies to make ends meet, I feel so much sympathy for all these girls and also men who do it as well, I could never imagine how they can do it but I would never judge them either.....A fantastic write well done xx
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