The cosmos wraps around us,
as my wandering soul takes to the stars.
The world a tiny blue bell below,
so small and splendid from afar.
The adrenaline rush of flying,
seeing the world like never before.
I hold on as you swiftly run,
as I ride upon a flying centaur.
'I didn't know centaurs could fly'
my voice resounding within the serene.
'I didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'
Rainbows made of golden dew,
upon saffron clouds we gently tread.
The songs of Saturn softly sung,
without a single word being said.
In your realm the rivers flow,
mingling with honey and milk.
The grass not green but glassy blue,
with a feeling of sheer silk.
You show me wonders of the earth,
I never knew to be.
Glaciers, deserts, ocean's expanse,
you truly make me see.
A valley on earth you show me,
where every colour I behold.
With every new scenic memory,
a new story to be told.
Colour bursts like golden dust,
as the sun begins to rise.
I must leave and I whisper goodbye,
to my centaur who swiftly flies.
People wonder at the secret smile,
that I eternally have upon my face.
As I think about my true life tonight,
when with my centaur I'll fly with grace.
Author notes
Here ive used a very powerful and prominent mythological creature, the centaur... n written about an adventure i wish i cud embark upon... Hope u like it!!!
dreams r amazing... n iv always been curious about them.. some say our souls take a journey everytime we dream.. some good some bad (night mares).. how brilliant it wud be if we cud control these wanderin' souls and live a new adventure everytime we slip into dreams.... i also think that flyin is the epitome of freedom... n its in this world where i can truly fly...!
A contest entry
- Mythology, (With a Twist!) Contest and Creative Writing Workshop by kareneisenlord.
900 points, ended March 16, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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I asked all of you for mythology with a twist, and you really socked it to me! I was very impressed by all of your entries, and many of you came up with some really unique and creative material with a different way of applying and perceiving mythology. It was enjoyable reading and I learned a lot from reading all of your fabulous writes.
Because there was such an abundance of excellent entries in this contest, it was difficult to decide which ones would be the final winners. I apologize for taking so long to judge. Ultimately, I went with the material that impressed me and stuck with me the most. What had the greatest influence, insight, oversight, ambience and applied the myth/story in a thought-provoking and interesting way. The entries that were still playing through my mind and echoing with fond recollection, long after first reading them, are the ones that I finally decided upon as the winners.
Objectivity in judging this contest was not my goal, but how each one of you subjectively influenced and moved me through your write. I re-read all of your writes again before my final judgment and relished it thoroughly. You are all gifted with incredible minds and talent. I wished that I could give more than one trophy in each category because certainly there was more than one that deserved it. All of you deserved an honorable mention, at the very least, and I wished I could do this and more. After the winners, the list is not in order of my favorites but most are in the chronological order as they were entered into the contest. I was glad to comment personally on each one of you.
“Heading Towards Hope” - won the gold for me, because it took an uncommon theme in western mythology, deriving the story from eastern mythology, namely Hinduism. The interpretation of this, my favorite Hindu Deity, Ganesh, blew me away, and provided a step forward in my consciousness. I was awed by the profoundness, beauty and humility of this write. While many of your stories moved me deeply, this one actually shifted my consciousness. It contained both meaningful, inspirational and unique applications, written in a purity and sweetness of the heart and soul that is reflected in the words of the poet who wrote it.
Gifts of the Faery, Part II
I awarded Gifts of the Faery, Part II because it reached deep into my sense of profound honor and respect for Nature and all of Creation. Not only did it express stunning wisdom, but it also reflected an eloquent poetic style of it’s own. It is filled with ancient knowledge and powers that are for the Light and bringing humanity to a higher level of hope for the ultimate transformation of humankind and our Earth Mother!
Lemuria's Sacred Contract - Video Slam
Not only is this a beautifully written poem but it struck a chord that resonates far within the innermost essence of my being for I have always felt a special connection to Lemuria and long to be reunited with her. This is my hope for all of humanity, for “Lemuria” or the lost continent of Mu, (the motherland), is analogous with Paradise of earth. She was the original motherland of Atlantis and Egypt. They were her colonies. Lemuria sank beneath the ocean in the world‘s last great worldwide cataclysm. Mu existed in the Pacific ocean, and the Pacific islands, Easter Island and the Hawaiian Islands, are all remnants of her. This was over 20,000 years ago. Many believe that she will rise again, at least in the collective heart and soul of all humanity. This poem described my feelings in a way that I could not do much better myself - a twin reflection of my sentiments and my hope for us all of us!
The Honorable mentions - I will talk about a few of them. Since I commented on all of your entries, you already know how I reacted to your work, but here are a few of the HM’s that I want to give further “honorable mention to“. I wish that I could do so for all of them, but these stood out the most in my mind.
“Kalpa ” won an honorable mention because it reflected an overview of the Cosmos on a grand and astronomical scale. Not only was it eloquently written, but it impressed me with the deeper wisdom and perspective that was reflected therein, by giving one of the most developed and accurate views of the creation of the universe(s) and the dissolution that occurs over and over. It is the Hindu creation myth, that more and more, fits into the most advanced theories of physics and astronomy, (and the Vedic people came to this conclusion thousands of years ago, through spiritual practices!)
Orphee's Heartstrings - expressed the pain and suffering of Orpheus so well.
wow how in the world did i come up with this??? Very clever imagery and it was refreshingly spontaneous.
Sacrifice with Creation - The ancient myth of a god sacrificing himself for the benefit of humanity carried forward to humanity helping humanity!
Gasping - Had beautiful imagery and it reflected the tragic fate of both Narcissus and Echo in such a haunting way
Lost Messiah - struck a chord with me, because it bravely stated how the most important messages of Jesus have been lost, to love ourselves and one another. I think Jesus is quoted to have said, “…love your neighbor as yourself,” among many other references to love. Another one is, “…love the Lord your God with all your heart…”
Lucifer’s Sword - was another really courageous write in that it gave the perspective of the necessity of evil and the role of opposites.
Untitled - was fresh and different. I was hoping that someone would write something based on Chinese legend and mythology. It is beautiful, rich, varied and ancient. This was a good job at tackling this creation myth.
Poisoned Prophesies - impressed me because it expressed the dilemma of a seer.
..With a flying centaur... An exciting and enchanting poem about a mythological creature with wings taking one everywhere and anywhere in the Universe.
The Reflection Looks Back - Was a wonderful interpretation of the Narcissus Myth.
Star Garden - Thought-provoking with a lovely play on words.
Nyquil Dreams - Because who is to say what is the true reality?
"Plus DOCS changent..." - Another great play and twist on the age-old Cinderella story, told from the view point of the Fairy God Mother. Very clever and fun!
Rick Rubens, Prometheus - I liked this one because it was clever and portrays modern day fire-givers.
I could go on and on - and I wish that I could recap all of the entries which I have read over and relished. You were all great and like I said, you all deserved a trophy; every one of you! Thank you for putting all of your creative minds here in the contest for me to savor. All of you is exquisitely and uniquely talented. Keep writing and thinking because not only are you people good poets, many of you are amazing philosophers as well. That means, that you are seekers of the truth. That is what a philosopher does. Blessings!
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Not a bad dream. It could use some work on the rhyme. You have some almost rhymes and some forced rhymes. Overall it was alright to read. I would just play with the rhyme some and tighten it up a bit.
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That would be an exciting dream.
This part is a little awkward
'I didn't know centaurs could fly'
my voice resounding within the serene.
'I didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'
But other than that I really liked your descriptions of the earth as you flew.
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Enchanting!
I'm so glad you dream in vivid colors, and chose to take us along on your flight. This is SO much more fun than the psychologists or dream books view of out nightime fantasies. You give us all a reason to smile. Good Write!
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thank you so much for stoppin by n ur thoughful comment!
LR!
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I love this! I love taking mythology and putting a twist on it, and you've done the same, and quite skillfully.
'I didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'
This is my favorite section, and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe because we do live completely different lives in dreams. Like riding on a flying centaur!
Good job!
~ Kit
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heheh! thank you!! im so glad u liked it..!!
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I loved it! It is truly placing yourself in a myth with a twist. "With a Flying Centaur." Wow, like Pegasus, only a Centaur. I have always liked these mythological beings myself. They represent wisdom and being both connected to the earth and humanity, and to the cosmos.
YOu did a great job here with this. I liked your elaboration in the Author's Notes. I believe myself that we do really travel in our dreams, to other places, lives, dimensions...with infinite possibilities.
This part of your poem was lovely;
"'I didn't know centaurs could fly'
my voice resounding within the serene.
'I didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'"
That says it all! Thank you for this exciting entry. I loved the ride myself. Best wishes in the contest! -
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thank you!! im glad u liked it... best of luck for ur contest, hope its an absolute success
LR!
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thank you..!
Sue! -
Dreams do take us into another world where no one else can come. You have beautifully penned about a dream world and it gives a mystical feeling taking me along on a ride. Thank you for entering the contest..and good luck.
Take care. -
thank u...!
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Thank You for entering
I like it; it is well written. Well, I have 40 more to go, so good luck
--Ellis
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thanks a trill serenity!... glad u liked it!
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Very lovely. It was sweet and innocent, like a first love. Eh, I'm a romantic, what can I say. But very nice. Its amazing what a pickup a good write can be. I think I picked the right topic for a contest, I'm getting alot of great writes.
~~~Serenty~~~ -
awesome
Brilliant my friend good luck in contest,take-care from Tracey -
loL! thank u soo much freespirit!.. plz do read it whenever u feel the need to escape reality n juz fly!... thanks again!
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omg i LUv this poem i think that it is totally amazing, i can tell that alot of feeling in to your poem and i feel that i can relate to this poem. i didnt read it once or twice i read it 3 times because i really did enjoy reading it i no that i will be coming back to read it again
keep up the amazing work you have a brillaint talent
xxxFreeSpiritedSoulxxx -
thank u wraithe!... u have given too much of a compliment.. im blushin' now! lol!... oh but do freely criticize.. thats the only way i can polish my skill..! thanks again!
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thank u feikorlock!... yup its been inspired by my dreams... i dreama lot of flyin!.. he heheh!
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loL! thanks John for readin my poem n nah im not offended but im glad that uv mssgd to help me rectify these points... well here goes,
the adrenaline rush... etc, they r two separate thots.. not supposed to be a sentence as such.
i dint know u mortal.. the fact that iv written he only grins is cuz he says so widout sayin a word.. thus the difference between the first line .. 'my voice resoundin' within the serene'.. so i use my voiice.. he juz grins n uses his thots... lol!.. thats what i was tryin to get across anyway..!
as i had already used allitration wid , the songs of saturn softly sung, i dint wanna use that again.
the last two correction do sound better n i will make them!... thanks a trill!
Su! -
This poem reminds me of dreams, where things happen that you never though would, or could exist are. Certainly a very good poem, it shows how imaginative you are at really brings out the writer in you
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hmmm....your visuals were the best I have ever read on this site so far! I doubt I will encourage corrections, the commentary above has that down, but you weave a good story into the poem, and that is truly beautiful, more so than the imagery and visuals.
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thank u!!...
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A very interesting poem. I really like the imagination you have displayed in your writing. I suppose there are a couple of things that stick out in my mind. Please remember that I am only making suggestions here, so don't be offended by any of them. ( I know all too well what fickle creatures us poets are.)
This is an incomplete sentence:
The adrenaline rush of flying,
seeing the world like never before.
Instead of reading like this:
'I didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'
Could these lines read:
'I didn't know you mortals,' he says as he grins,
'could live lives within your dreams!'
Instead of reading like this:
The grass not green but glassy blue,
feeling like sheer silk.
Could these lines read:
The grass is not green but glassy blue,
with a feeling like sheer silk.
Instead of reading like this:
With every new scenic memory,
a new story to be told.
Could these lines read:
With every new scenic memory,
a new tale to be told. (I just like the alliteration of this)
Instead of this:
I must leave I whisper goodbye,
to my centaur who swiftly flies.
Could they read:
I must leave and I whisper goodbye,
to my centaur who swiftly flies.
Okay, that is all from me, which I am sure you think is more than enough.
Don't get me wrong, I just think that the poem would be enhanced, even if it is ever so little, by these simple modifications. Of course, that is just my opinion, and I am little more than a lowly poet in the grand scheme of writing.
John. -
great
This is a great work, it is both well written and has such great images. The reader can almost feel they are riding on the wind with the writer. what else can one say great job, I really enjoyed it. -
lol! thanks a trill liquid punk!... im glad u liked it!... n thanks for the applause.. very encouragin' n much appreciated!
peace!
Su! -
Hey..so I decided to drop by..n return the favor..ya know since u so kindly read one of my mine
N I'm in total *aww* over ur poem here..this is definetely not boring..it's deep n the flow it carries throughout is wonderful..why u would not place I do not know! Amazing work!!
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i thought of seeing things upside down when i read this poem.....
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hahahah!.. thanks a trill shadow!.. iv never heard such an appreciative yet funny comment before..! yup u go talk to them carrots! he hehe!.. oh n dont forget... 'reality is woven from the wildest of dreams.. dare to dream'..! (i juz had to say that!)
Edited on Apr 27, 10:03 because ''. -
I really enjoyed this piece, there is an air of innocence to it and a tranquil dip into almost cosmic -esque worlds where parallel layers of an unexplored existence awaits, the centaur added a slight comical effect I like the kind of offbeat surreal-ish conversation idea because that is highly possible in dreams - in fact, yep this one grows on me it has a playful element and a good dreamy feel keeping it close to how the actual experience could be.Thats quite clever - well done, it seems this also sits well with others, so massive respect. Right I'm off to ride space-hoppers with centaurs eat pixie dust magic and talk with those carrots in my fridge dreams.Until next time -all the best Col!
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thanks a trill simpleton... glad u read n liked it!..
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thanks FL... im glad u liked it!... i hope my other poems live up to ur expectations... gives me the motivation to write better stuff..! thanks again!
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awesome
WOW!!! This is a really amazing poem. I loved everything about it. There just are not enough words in my thesaurus to describe how I feel about it...awesome, fascinating, fantastic...Well done! I look forward to reading more of your poems. -
dark as in for a dream with a creature reredaing it you didnt protrey it that way sorry
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he heheh! thanks blaze..! dark eh... lol! ok!
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this is definately dark and wierd
I enjoyed the intamacy this write carries with it thanks for sharing
love and light
blaze -
i have to tell you. i was impressed because with the way you write in your comments i did not know what i was in for. not that it is bad. it reminds me of being around my kids friends. but you have really impressed me with this one. thank you for the pleasant surprise. vilanger
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thank u sarah!... soo nice of u to read n comment!
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This was so well described throughout and truly thought provoking too! I'm not a regular to surreal poetry or fantasy, but when I do drop by, I thoroughly enjoy it - or maybe it's just your writing that does it!!???
Sarah Louise Hudson
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no words to praise ya gurla!
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Good
Very well written, you could actually feel like you were there yourself. Good job. -
Dreams are much preferrable to reality. But there are some storiesw featuring flying centaurs. Some of Piers Anthony's Xanth novels are excellent examples. If you haven't read them yet, I highly reccomend them. The only thing I could find wrong with this is that in a couple spots, you forgot to capitalize the I's. Other than that, this was a pretty good poem.
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The imagery in this piece of work is lovely, I could imagine very easily being on the back of the centaur. The flow and rhyme, again very smooth,but I do think that you should capitalize the first person " I " Well done and good luck in the contest.Val.
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mind blowing imagery!!to start off with i just loveeee this line so much
'i didn't know you mortals'.. he grins,
could live lives within dreams!'
really so awesome!! i love the thought behind the whole poem..its really soothing and well i can relate to what you're saying cuase ive alwasy related flying to freedom to..so this poem was so meant to be read by me..cause i can feel what you're saying..i think the same way too !
im so glad i clicked this..great job and best of luck with the contest! -
This is awesome. I love the imagery and everything you put into this. It is so vivid... its almost like i'm in it (if you get what i mean)! Best of luck to you in the contest.
Oh I love your motto AND your poet name.
~noir ~
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Excellent Poem
enchanting imagination, and such a unique dream.. you are a wonderful story/poem teller. I was captured by the celestial journey, fantasy and bliss. Your talent is awesome, here's a
to a lovely read....write on!...ennovy
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thanks chick420!
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thank u blazin' wolf!
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this is a nice write on your dream the flow is good the rhymes for the most part unforced and solid
love and light
blaze -
this is asom i like the way you brought me in to your dreams
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This is a GReat poem. I hope you win, you deserve it.
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Very well written, I really enjoyed it. You're very discriptive, it's easy to get lost in this piece.
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This is very well written. I especially love the fact that you were able to very successfully present the imagery from the dream for everyone to experience. Very well done dear!
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hey thanks a trill dutch!... first to comment n even gimme applause!.. thats so nice of u!.. thanks again!
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I love it, i wish i could dream like that, pfft, i wish i could even remember my dreams, for all i know i do dream like that.
a real great poem this, well done!
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