weak and tired voice
frail in every movement
unable to stand
unable to hear
anything but the voices
that control my every move
pale and cold body
hands numb in every way
pain inside out my body
hollow eyes
and sunken in cheeks
yellow complection
and blue lips
just skin and bones
such beauty ive been searching for...
i hate it so very much
but still food disgust me
when and if i consume the fat
i cringe over the thrown
releasing the fat
that runs through the veins
then coming back out
to spit up blood
maybe that's a sign
maybe i need help
am i going to die?
is this it?
beautiful anorexia is what they call it
i see nothing of the sort
i feel nothing but pain
i feel dead
just as i am dead inside
just imagine walking alone in the cold dark
it hurts it's lonely
still i say
maybe just another
couple of pounds want hurt
but wait i cant
i cant i cant
i dont want to die
laying in a my death bed with tubes all over me
trying but never succeding
still a destorded image of myself
i know dear god i need help
but then again
this is the only thing i have known
this has become my life
it is apart of me
that rips my soul apart
unlike everyone else
its always been there for me
how can i just leave it behind
how can i just let go
i know i will die
and im so sorry
i needed help
but i just gave up
and now im dead
Author notes
iam have been free of my eating disorder for almost 7 months i thought i was dying wait a min i was.. i had anorexia and bulimia for 6 yrs i had developed major problem along with my eating disorder such as deppression bipolar ocd self mutilation i can go on i was rehabilitated several time had feeding tubes down my throught. you cant understand till you have truly been at deaths door looking at death it was scary..
Written April 20th, 2006
A contest entry
- contest!!! (no rules) by nobodys-girl.
1700 points, ended July 5, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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wow...i'm so sorry this happened to you but i'm glad you're doing better. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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this is awesome bring it on!
this poem really inspired me. i think its gr8 that youve used your experiences to create something so wonderful and not just let them ruin you. ive never had eating disorders but i really identify with the numb, detatched feeling you describe at the beginning. could u take a look @ some of my stuff @some point? id really value ur opinion XxoxX -
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u commented on my site a while back ago i had a baby he is now 3 months old so im catching up on things thanks alot for the comment i would love to take alook at your poetry.
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