She crouches in twilights of evil dreams,
softly crying, bemoaning her losses,
choking back her anguished screams,
imagining loved ones draped on crosses.
Maybe dead, maybe dying, hung in agony,
crucified by monsters who'd rape and kill --
hanging Elfmen on dark pillars of ebony,
drinking their pain till at last they're still.
She wallows in knowledge of ages past,
and of grave horrors still due to arrive --
her companion Elfwomen cling to the last,
to the final seconds they are alive,
praying to gods who view them as beasts,
and condemn them to rapine and death,
or to be the main course of awful feasts --
they choke and gasp for each fading breath.
She waits in the nude, gulping her food,
knowing that she's the one chosen for him --
cowed and broken, finally subdued,
destined at last to languish in sin
as the concubine of this vile creature.
She's hidden a knife, deadly but small.
His wound won't yield to needle or suture,
and he won't have time for a final call.
Her blade will end this human's deeds,
and her death will resurrect her people.
She'll prove that the mightiest human bleeds,
despite the cross on that ivory steeple.
If you spare a prayer for this hapless maid,
remember she chose her manner of dying,
and no matter which way your paths are laid,
fighting for right, it's your souls you're buying.
Lift a cup to toast her stout, brave heart,
and remember to make a wish for you --
When the final curtain tears us apart,
like her, we'll stay, steadfast and true.
What callous deeds besmirch our land,
but we won't deign to serve the dark.
We'll stand together on Jove's right hand,
iremembering her last bloody mark.
She saved us all, bright Elven kind,
and lit a fire that warms our lives --
Though we join at last the Eternal Mind,
we're rid of those men and their iron knives.
Author notes
This was inspired by a series of books by Robert Adams. The first one is called "Stairway To Forever", but I can't remember the title of the second one. The series wasn't finished because he died.
Category 2
I commented on "The Laws of Love".
Written April 18th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF: Prewrites Contest for My Favorites by Night Hope.
900 points, ended June 13, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Elves - (Come in and see!) by Senkura.
300 points, ended October 13, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sci Fi-Fantasy Extravaganza (Open to all AP) by Dark Otter.
700 points, ended December 13, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 3 catagories! 3 poem limit! Prewrites accepted! by Candice Bezanson.
1200 points, ended November 18, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
This was very well penned and does tell a fantastic story. It is easy to see why this has won a couple of trophies already :0) Thank you for entering and good luck!
-
Wowzer!
I like this a lot! It will be a finalist. Your writing and storytelling ability are appeciated. Thanks for a fun read.
-
Okay, i read this with my mouth open. Astounding! The ryhme was perfect, and the intensity of the subject matter was dealt with excellently. This is an amazing poem, best of luck in my contest!]
Senkura.
-
I really like this. First, for its originality. This is unlike any poem I've read on here before. I love how it tells a story, and the story is compelling. I never heard of Robert Adams; I don't read a lot of fantasy novels, but this sounds like a good series. Very powerful and original write you have here. I can see why it won trophies. Congratulations on them, and thanks for entering!
-
-
The sad thing ...
is that he died before he could finish the series. The books were fabulous. He also wrote a series called the Horseclans books, which were good, but nowhere as good as the Stairway to Forever series.
Thanks for the kind words.
-
-
"Lift a cup to toast her stout, brave heart,
and remember to make a wish for you --
When the final curtain tears us apart,
like her, we'll stay, steadfast and true."
What a remarkable penning this is, dear Scribe. An epic of such wondrous proportions, with a message of wisdom's warning peal, of love's infinite sacrifices. Beautifully written, my Friend. Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck, Sweetie. 
Wanda
-
Very well written, and dealing with harsh but still hopeful subjects. That's not very easy - I applaud you. Great work!
And also, it is a sad loss when a wonderful author dies but thank you for telling me about Robert Adams, I'll have to look up his works.
-
This was a very powerful poem, with deep thoughts & very well written. These lines were by far my favourite
"She'll prove that the mightest human bleeds,
despite the cross on that ivory steeple.
If you spare a prayer for this hapless maid,
remember she chose her manner of dying,"
A beautifully done, dark fantasy poem you have penned!
Thanks for entering & best of luck to you in my contest
-
I really appreciate the structure, and I can see this is very well written. I really did enjoy it. However, it is rather far from what I was looking for, as you mentioned. This doesn't mean it wasn't worthwhile, but if you enter a contest that canonizes catullus and bukowski, it might not be wise to enter spirtual fantasy. Not a big deal though. Have a good one.
-
-
Yes ...
you have a point. The original poem I was going to enter turned out to have already won a trophy in another of your contests so I didn't enter it, and casting around for a replacement came across this one.
I expect you'd like my poem about Richard Brautigan, but I didn't think of it at the time. -
-
I'll have to check that out.
-
-
-
wow this is so pretty.
-
This is wonderful and certainly held my interest. It flows well and it’s full of imagery and emotion. Thank you for linking this to me. You must be familiar with the dark elves because I’m a wood elf and we just play all day in the forest. Sometimes we have to fight the terrible six headed hydra but usually it’s fun and games. ( can you tell that I teach kids poetry? )
Well done, thanks again!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
Yes ...
I certainly can tell that you teach kids poetry.
-
-
This piece is really good. i love that last stanza, it really brought out some good fantasy and concluded on the piece. I'm usually not into fantasy, but this really kept my attention. Some lines made me want to look away because it felt too real. Great job!
-
Thanks.
Thanks all who commented. -
This is really good. Very well written. It flows well and told an incredible story. Thank you for this entry. Good luck. Jeannie and James
-
Excellent Writing
This is good poetry; it is real good poetry. --Ellis -
This is wonderfully written. I can see the scene with my mind's eye and that is what a good writer does. Thank you for this beautiful picture.
Scribbles -
I liked this a lot. You have written it so well that in a way I could compare it with our local heroes. Pure magic in this work, well done!
HBH
Edited on Apr 29, 11:56 because ''. -
Thank you,prior to this read; I never considered erectile dysfunction to be a blessing...Good job
-
I took your advice on the comma. However, I am not convinced on the hyphen.
Two - - are considered a dash, or so I've been told. I know exactly how to punctuate when I'm writing a letter or a poem, but when you transfer it to the internet, there can be a number of ways to do different things. -
I liked how this was played out but from a critiquer's standing point, the first few lines could use minute editing as far as the punctuation is concerned. Therefore, suggestive-wise, try this and see if it works better:
She crouches in twilights of evil dreams,
softly crying, bemoaning her losses,
choking back her anguished screams,
imagining loved ones draped on crosses.
Maybe dead, maybe dying, hung in agony,
crucified by monsters who'd rape and kill-
Notice how just simply by pulling out a comma in the fourth line makes it flow better. Also, note in line six, how the -- is dropped, and then, replaced with a hyphen.
Rae -
WOW, I nice piece, a story in a poem. I have not read a lot of dark stuff associated with fantasies like Elves, but I think it was very creative and fresh. Good luck in the contest.
-
this was a lovely piece of imagination at work..a bit dark...yet hopeful... keep penning...peace ...shzoosy
-
This is absolutely striking and skillfully penned. You have woven metaphor, vivid imagery and compelling story into magic here. One of my favorites of your works. Rich in subtle message also (though perhaps I find my own deeper meaning there--tribute to my gender.)
I know you are not overly fond of restricted meter, but your melody here adds to the tone and mood so nicely that I had to say so. I much enjoyed this one! Am bookmarking.
-
Shudders at the stuff of nightmares. An excellent write though. sj
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
