Beautiful with no feelings,
empty and worth more to some than others.
Some would die for me,
some would choose imprisonment,
just for a chance to have me.
Some would long to have me,
their choice for a symbol of love lasting forever.
But I, I am unfeeling, empty and beautiful.
Sometimes I'll shine bright with newness.
Sometimes I'll be dull over time,
but still none the less beautiful.
Still, would you want me, this beautiful gem?
With no feelings, empty and cold, just to be
beautiful and lasting, yet ungrateful.
For I am really nothing,
but a stone with beauty.
Written By: Julie M. Shibuya
April 14th, 2006
Author notes
this is a little something different and i would really like an honest opinon, i dont think that ive ever read a poem that is in combination of the way a diamond, ruby, or any type of gem with themselves. so, please leave an honest opinon of what you think if you wouldnt mind. ~Julzzz~
Written April 18th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
this is a unique poem but its goo
-
hmmm...
interesting approach... though the self comparison to a hollow (metaphorical) object i just don't see... by definition, just writing about this shows that you have more depth then the gem that's subjected... as to flow, it's immaculate, runs like thought... the comparative imagery is very very well stated... but i have to say, you are far more precious than any gem...
-
BRAVO
I like the perspective that you use in this piece, it's a very interesting write with great vocabulary usage. well done, a great write
X Tragedy X -
this was very unique
I haven't seen a poem quite like this
A gem: beautiful, yet cold
I really liked it
Keep up the originality! -
I don't think it matters much what anybody else says if you have the kind of self-esteem that this poem portrays.
-
Well, it is a nice poem with an interesting perspective. I would think, however, that a shiny gem of any type would have a little more flare to it. I envision a diamond telling its tale, and, if that is the case, then I would think that the talk would be a little more flashy, more sophisticated. The words do not come across as being all that extravagant to me. This is, of course, just my opinion, so please don't take anything I have said to heart. Like I said, the concept of having a gem ask the purchaser why they would go to such great lengths to acquire it is great. The poem just needs a little more pizazz.
John. -
Hey
Your name is Julzzz..mine is julianna, and my ncname is Julz. How aesome is that? lolol
This poem was nice I enhoyed it. -
Exvcellent
I thought this was an excellent piece of writing from you my friend.I really enjoyed it.Keep up the great work.Kenny -
Julzzz, this is quiet diferent from your other writes
I quiet like the way you have used parallels with a stone and a human being the beauty ,the hardness, the unrelenting exquisteness of both -I think this was quiet commendable 
-
Interesting, although I feel that it needs a little more "oomph" to keep the poem going, it seems to drag along.
I agree with what Inkwell said also about keeping the word gem to the end, so as to not spoil the poem as such.
Nice ideas though
-
While I liked this imaginative poem...I think you gave it up to the reader rather too early with "I am a gem." If you ever put that line, it would be best if kept for the end...
I especially liked the beginning, except the first line!
>>Beautiful with no feelings,
empty and worth more to some than others.
Some would die for me,
some would choose imprisonment,
just for a chance to have me.
<<
D
-
Very imaginative. Really really liked this.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
