I was just two, you should have knew
the price that I would pay.
You were my father, but didn't even bother
just turned and walked away.
The tears I've cried, I've tried to hide
the pain deep in my heart.
How do I erase, pictures of your face
I don't know where to start.
You said goodbye, you made me cry
a child you did not want.
No time for me, but you will see
your memory I will haunt.
Do you know, the love you didn't show
can never be replaced?
I can't forgive, the life I've had to live
without your sweet embrace.
My love for you, just never grew
sometimes it seems so sad.
But I'm not at fault, you put a halt
to all that we could have had.
In my mind, you've left me behind
the daughter you'll never know.
You closed the door, on our forever more
And I've finally let you go.
Someday you'll see, that you need me
and regret the life you've lead.
I'll be grown, with a family of my own
and to me you will be dead.
Author notes
This is a triquatrain."Triquatrain: A different Quatrain in tri rhyme with a different rhyming pattern (a,a)b (c,c)b / (d,d)e (f,f)e / (g,g)h (i,i)h……and so on. The groupings in the parenthesis are on one line separated by a comma. The poem can be of any length and subject .
And yes, this is true, you can tell if you read any of my other work.
Written April 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- Parents............................ by trace3grls.
450 points, ended September 19, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be inspired! (QUICKY) by kira1115.
600 points, ended September 4, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teach me how by Meroza.
900 points, ended October 3, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ABUSE - looking for poems to be published :) by DramaQueen469.
550 points, ended October 25, 2008, 58 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are you and your heart enemies? by writingismycure.
800 points, ended November 29, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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ABSOLUTLEY AMAZING!
This is great, really decriptive. And in many ways, I can relate to it. This is what I was looking for. FINALIST.
Goodluck and thankyou for your entry!
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I like it it! It has a lot of emotion in it and some of the wording is really well done. I did think a little of the inverse rhyme was a little forced though so I'd just watch out for that.
'has never grew' should be never grew maybe if you want to make it grammaticallly correct.
This is a really powerful poem though- I'm sorry that you had to grow out without such a important person in your life.
Good luck in everything you choose to do!
WritingFree
I love your background btw, is it your own custom? -
thanks for sharing this wonderfully written and emotional poem with us. I can definitely related to everything you wrote about in this. But in my case my biological father never even said good bye which left me growing up with a issue of I was not good enough for him. Even tho my mom and stepfather never said that. It was how I felt. thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for including it into my contest.
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This is absolutely beautiful, I have such respect for people who can write triquatrain because I struggle with it... this is a heartbreaking and beautifully written piece, thankyou very much for entering it.
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
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Thanks so much for the silver! I'm surprised with all the great entries you received. I will im you with my real name, my mom won't let me post it because I'm still in school and only 17, you know safety reasons, LOL. I entered some others and will post my 1st name. You should be able to know the others of mine by that since my 1st name is spelled differently than normal. Thanks again and good luck with your book!
Hugs!!!
Cayla
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This is so personal and emotional. I appreciate you sharing.
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WOW Cayla.....you are amazing, young lady. That is just beautiful....I am loving it....i'm so proud of you, kiddo! To be so young and write like that!
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I think I understand this one. Its a lot like normal rhyme, just that it has a pattern.
If I am missunderstanding, please correct me.
I will try and write a poem with this style later this week, and you will be the judge to see if I did it right.
Thank you for taking the time to enter -
Wow, this poem made me cry. I loved this one so much. Thank you for entering.
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very good write well done
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i added this to the finalist group good luck. i like this very much. thanks for sharing and i hope to read mre from you soon. maybe after the contest thanks a lot for sharing. well written and wonderfully done
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Your poem is really beautiful... I know exactly what you mean in the poem... My dad also left me and mom a couple of years ago...
Anyways, I really like your last stanza:
"Someday you'll see, that you need me
and regret the life you've lead
I'll be grown, with a family of my own
and to me you will be dead"
You did a great job.
Thank you for entering your poem.
Liana -
I like the form, but some of the rhyme felt very forced. I like the subject, and I'm sorry it happened, this poem really shows your pain and resentment, making it a powerful write, best of luck
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Wow ~ this is very well done~ I liked it! Thanks for entering ~ good luck to you!
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Although i did say the person you write about has to be dead i will allow this because it is a great write and it seems he is dead to you,
Brenden -
WOW!! this is so harsh and full of emotion.. its so sad.. i hope everything works out for you and your doing better... you deserve so much better!
good luck in my contest!!
Shannon*Leah -
WOOOOOOW ! THIS IS JUST AS WONDERFUL ! THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL ENTRY !BEST WISHES IN THE CONTEST ! LOVE !
YOUR FAN,
TRUTHWRITER . -
oh sweetheart. This makes me very sad. For i dont know what its like to have a father like this .. considering .. but i do know i have a mother like this and so much more. i know your pain sweetie. and i wish i could help you out in some way, but words alone are never enough
's, just know sweetie, that im always here. And the ending to this poem was perfect. and so true.
♥
Great job sweetie, mucho loves
-Stephani -
wow. awesome job. i feel the power in this one. and i hope he does regret wat he did to u so he can feel the pain too. hang in there keep up the great work!
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Great ending, and I think he will regret it someday if he doesn't already
Edited on Apr 18, 6:54 p.m. because ''. -
I'm so crying my heart hurts for you you are so strong I wish I had the stenght you show here and this is so the truth he will want someday to say I'm sorry and here for you now and you will have already grown past it so sorry about his luck it's he who lost by far as I've told you before he's the loser all the way around and you are Loved more then words can say
and I see you past another test with flying colors (not to my surprise) Love Ya Lots.... -
Well Cayla, You have certainly wiritten a MARVELOUS piece on this homework assignment. I absolutely LOVE IT!!! I knew that you could. NOW for your final exam I would like for you to write me a (Trois-par-Huit)
This one combines the two styles of the numbers and letters.
Be careful it can get quite confusing. Check and DOUBLE CHECK before turning in this one.
"Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight or Octa-Tri for short), a poem containing three stanzas of 3, 3 and 2 lines OR 3, 2 and 3 lines: 8 lines total with a syllable count of 3, 6, 9, 12, 12, 9, 6, 3. The rhyming pattern is AAB BBC CC where the last line is the title of the poem and summarizes the meaning of the poem. *Note: These poems are to appear center aligned. " -
Excellent
Dear Stingersinger53,
This is so heartfelt. The children of this generation are too easily discarded and the men are not standing up and being men.
There are many hard situations out there and the easy road is to walk away, and not bother.
Yet, there are those of us which no matter what, will see the rearing of their children through. And then may look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Because many relationships just aren't good.
I'm very proud that you were able to share this, and letting out a bit here and there - being able to talk, I think is part of the healing.
Uncle Buster loves you,
Tang
Edited on Apr 17, 4:43 p.m. because 'sp'.
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