Beware of the broken heart to your left,
It's been tattered and torn up for years,
Merging on the road, is confusion and fears,
Be careful where you're crossing, you may get hit by random emotions,
Stop and look both ways, there tends to be a lot of commotion,
Now of course there's a road block,
Nothing about me can be eased,
You'll have to find an alternate route,
Or cross over goals dropped to appease,
But let me not neglect to tell you,
About the flooding around the eyes,
Be sure not to wreck though, as you cross over my bumpy thighs,
Do not get distracted, because its deeper when lost in,
And please do not get upset at the delay,
I warned you to only enter with caution
Author notes
Written April 16th, 2006
A contest entry
- Anything by Stormy Days.
1750 points, ended February 1, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes Galore/no gold yet by piccola.
400 points, ended January 19, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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"you may get hit with random emotions" ... I really like that line. I wish it was my own lol. thank you for entering
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This is full of emotion i really like it i cannot relate to this, but i can say my mind is kind of like the poem co confused and dazed
~GOOD LUCK~
*Dark Poet* -
this is a very emotional piece. broken hearts are hard to get over. sometimes it takes months and yes.. even years. it's something i'm going through at this moment. the road, like you said, is full of confusion and fears.. but it shouldn't be that way.
i love the ending. it's like you're telling people that what happened througout the rest of the poem.. the heartbreak, the confusion and fears.. the road blocks put up.. it's all there and they're just gonna have to deal with it.
very powerful stuff here.
p.s.
i especially loved the rythm and rhyme of this piece.. your voice certainly shines in this poem. -
its really nice i dont think thier is much you can do to make it better. i liked it.
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this is one of the best poems i ever read...GREAT JOB
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yea i really loved this poem. its emotional and just my type of poem
great write
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i love how you used this imagery to describe these feelings. i think it was well done.
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Lovely!! Just dashing! This was very very good, caught my attention from the get go, and I loved it all the way to the end! Wow, really enjoyed it!!
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i love the metaphores! it's forced a bit here and there
"Nothing about me can be eased,
You'll have to find an alternate route to cross over goals dropped to appease,"
that last line is WAY to long, otherwise its the only major flaw
cheers
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yes this was an awesome write and flowed oh so well ..thanks for sharing this piece and keep up the awesome poetry here......
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i agree with all of this I loved how it flowed and it all fit together and the backround and the poem all of it together it was awsome I loved the whole
:About the flooding around the eyes,
Be sure not to wreck though, as you cross over my bumpy thighs:
Great job.. keep up the work
-Des- -
this is a good write
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superb
very clever use of words and a cunning craftmanship.I love this a lot. -
merry meet-
i'm not sure what to think of this... it was written with such emotion that i don't know what to think...
Be sure not to wreck though, as you cross over my bumpy thighs
is this something to do with a weight issue?
About the flooding around the eyes
are you one of those chronic criers?
this piece makes me feel like you (or the subject) were very insecure, i like it because it doesnt sugar coat your emotions
blessed be-
bella -
I see what you mean, thanks for replying and taking the time to read. I dedcided to go back and fix the line that you were talking about.
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Hey I think you did pretty great with this actually. That one line in there is a little long compared to the rest, but it's okay. I really loved all the metaphors and cleverly put wording.
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I find this to be a great poem! I really love the originality of the metaphors. It certainly gives one something to dine on.
I love it. -
Magnificent!
Greetings, Teen PoeticSoul!
Wow! What a great use of imagery! And the way you used descriptions of one thing (road signange, etc.), to create a word-picture of something totally unrelated (love & the broken heart)! Not everyone could do that -- but you have pulled it off magnificently!
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