My thoughts are bleeding now
right before your eyes
the devil tells the truth
while God just tells me lies
took in by my raging youth
to find a brother dead
fuck the life of crime
my mind needs to be said
looking beyond my life time
for a reasons I can't tell
but living for my reason
within my living hell
where children die in pain
overdosed on smack
people lose there minds
inside the pipe of crack
souls just fly away
but the world just carry's on
like that person never lived
when the body's soul has gone
the world can have my thoughts
with my empire of dirt
but maybe I just feel
like Johnny cash in hurt
Author notes
Written April 16th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This write strikes a cord! A powerful message you've brought out here.
"My thoughts are bleeding now
right before your eyes
the devil tells the truth
while God just tells me lies"
I like the way you've composed that stanza. Lots of people prefer darkness over light. They think that in darkness, people wont care what they do, nor see what they're doing. And it's got a certain risk level that they enjoy undertaking. Well expressed with a perfect flow of words and rhythm.
Thanks for this strong entry, good luck!!
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Hi Paul! I saw your poem and just had to say what an intensely powerful write this is. You have the ability to share such pain and with that you seem to be reaching out to help others avoid the same. I love that you are getting your message out. Great job. Sincerely, Mary
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Just FYI, Johnny Cash was covering a Nine Inch Nail's song, of same title "Hurt". But, either way... I was diggin' that first stanza. Good job!
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Provocative
I love the mention of Johnny Cash, first of all. (Let's face it, he was THE MAN! lol) This poem is very thought-provoking. The words can really make people think about all the stuff that happens in this world that they ignore, or don't know about.
My favorite stanzas were these:
where children die in pain
overdosed on smack
people lose there minds
inside the pipe of crack
souls just fly away
but the world just carry's on
like that person never lived
when the body's soul has gone
Powerful words!
See you around the deep end,
Black Ink -
he did go thru quite the load of crap....a true outlaw...
the world does just keep moving despite wrongdoings, it would be great if it revolved on glass rather than an axis, then maybe people would be more aware of the ability for it to break more easily....
regards -
Brillant
Amazing work!!!
So it is so strong, and passionate.
It flows perfectly, makes you think really hard.
And makes you want to cry.
Excellent.
Keep it up.
100/100 from me.
Peace
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wow!! i clicked because i adore johnny cash. you really have me stumped as to what to say now. sorry. wow! the anger is so prevelant that i think i am a bit intimidated here. wow! vilanger
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Hey, I was really glad to see your poem, trying to find something interesting. I always find your poems worth the read. You always talk about real stuff. “The world can have my thoughts” is a really interesting part of this poem, keep writing because you have something worth writing about.
Blayde -
worked for me
ah so this is the one you meant....well yeah got the flow and feel nice imagery and expressive emotion very descriptive well now just on my screen is advert fro johnny cash albums....nice write ... as long as you come up smiling... -
This is awesome...very unique, and touching...This really tugged on my heartstrings.....Beautifully done!...
Lynda
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thats beautifull! johnny cash was a very awesome country singer. too bad he did die and get addicted to drugs. dont go his way and keep on living for as long as you can. even if your life is a little bumpy just keep on going and the road will get smooth soon enough. continue writing awesome poems and i'll continue to read your awesome poems.
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36/10
This is such a great poem! With such a great flow and feel to it! I had to read twice! I have goosebumps dancing on my spine!
-Keep the ink flowing!
-Dave -
This is truly well described throughout as are the expressions of your personal feelings towards the topic!
Good rhymes and rhythm throughout really make this a great poem!
Sarah Louise Hudson
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woo!
good poem and Great job!
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