I clipped the grace of his butterflies,
torturing the wretched fragments
as they fluttered to the dirt,
watching in morbid satisfaction as their souls convulsed
against the goosebumps between my toes.
[Last night, he broke me
and measured how my body shook
to uneven beats of a 1988 demigod]
The shock made their antennae glow
and I swear to God I felt it--
somewhere in the synapse between the blue-
green veins protruding from my wrist
and the silver bangles that rattle when I speak,
it hurt,
(I begged, but he wouldn't let it stop).
This morning I laid their under-appreciated corpses to rest,
covering the distortions
in their microscopic faces with rocks,
garnishing the shallow graves
with the skin he left under my fingernails
Their lifeless bodies created a mosaic of devastation
against the decaying walls of sidewalk cracks
and their insignificant sins slithered across the concrete...
...I'll admit, I lost myself to Egyptian cotton;
to the way his tongue salivated self-destruction;
to the aroma of unprecedented candy-
coated emotion on his breath.
[I let him mutilate my throat with rotten sugarcane.
I gave him my God and he swallowed Her whole.]
With his palms pressed hard against the runs in my stockings,
I let him burn the New York skyline alive,
and took careful note of the way
my crying made his body convulse.
Author notes
Option #1
Written April 14th, 2006
A contest entry
- prewrite by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended October 10, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Second chance at gold. by BurmaShave.
525 points, ended November 5, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES GALLORE ~!~!~! by Naridill.
800 points, ended January 31, 2008, 138 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
This is very effective, with some unique and twisted imagary. I adored some lines, with great allusion. I was enchanted at times, and I love that. That you for entering.
-
I must admit, this didn't capture my attention the way it could have. I've read so much about abuse lately, it gets tiresome. The lines that DID capture my attention, however:
"...I'll admit, I lost myself to Egyptian cotton;
to the way his tongue salivated self-destruction;
to the aroma of unprecedented candy-
coated emotion on his breath."
Thanks for sharing ♥* -
Some stark imagery here, the phrasing is intense and I love the use of wording - beautiful indeed.
Thanks for entering,
-
wow how interesting,odd really.but cool.good luck on the contest
-
Well writen lot sof emotion thanks for shring.l good luck in the contst.
-
Finally!!! I love this, thank you for saving the contest!
-
Amazing write good luck in the second chance at gold contest congratulations on the previously won bronze
-
wow
this was AMAZING
i just
i just love it
i cant even focus on anything specific to compliment because the whole thing has just seized my brain and rendered it...
dead
ha
i will try to comment better later, but it's beautiful
-
This is extremely well done, your images are crisp and the emotion is carried out nicely.
Some very vivid lines within here -
You have portrayed this feeling very well... Even after just been sexually assaulted by my ex I just couldn't help thinking it was my fault and Mum and Dad would hate me for it, so I didn't tell them til about 3/4 months later.
-
"With his palms pressed hard against the runs in my stockings,
I let him burn the New York skyline alive,
and took careful note of the way
my crying made his body convulse."
freaking, amazing.
i lovelovelove it<333
-
This is a very interesting poem. The format is interesting, although not usually what I like to see, and the piece as a whole is very original and enjoyable to read.
-
Maaan... I've read this before, and just was going over my bookmarks, and found it. I love this. It's like taking in some sort of liquid volatile metal. Your words, and little images, and turns of phrase. I love this, I worship this.
-
Your words are so raw and heartfelt with a lot of good imagery. This is an amazing write. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing your talent with me!
Allen0826 -
Some men are so sick. Gives us all a bad name. Sorry. I'd love to castrate the unfeeling bastard. Very painful poem.
-
Amazing
It hurt to read every line- so jagged with pain. You do have the gift for turning raw wounds into poetry. It is truly amazing. The beautiful image of destroying the butterflies next to the destruction of innocence was potent. Beautiful and intense. -
No way to cross back over a brdige that has been burnt. Will always be on that one side now, unless you are rescued by someone else. Deep meanings in these lines - unique write.
-
It is a interesting piece. I like it alot.to the aroma of unprecedented candy-
coated emotion on his breath.
Awesome. You are talented. -
Truly amazing
-
interesting i do say. a lot of metaphors and a bit confusing for me but i slowed down and i got it. great job. thank you for sharing your talent with me. vilanger
-
wow, this is a very impressive piece. The tone and word choice is awesome. Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing your talent with us. Best of luck.
-
beautiful poem
-
A revelation.
If you lived through it and walked away from it, you did well. I guess you are addicted to more? It has a way of never ending until you find the place where you started it and cut him off at the pass. He gets his water cut off and the bill sent to him. He needs to dig a well somewhere else or buy designer bottled water. -
Good contrast and imagery. Deep and emotional; however, not sure I follow it, a bit confusing. Over all a good write.
-
very well done
AM BOOKMARKING IT...good luck in the contest .,.got my vote... -
Deep
Very well written, deep and emotional and the medaphor is great. I believe I felt this once along time ago. It brought back memories, scary. Gracefully written.
Edited on Apr 24, 8:02 p.m. because 'add'. -
well done poet
Loved the story and flow of this piece. Well done write. Thanks for sharing and good luck to you in the contest.
Victoria -
Very good write. exceptional images and description. Loved the story and flow of this piece. deep and captivating. Excellent work! keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
-
On a side note... it reminded me of Fooly Cooly. Some silly emotional anime that gets me out of my head.
-
Ooh lawdy Cherub, how could you not note the story, it's so oh so delicious...
But on a serious note, and a serious face, this is awfully good. Really very novel... to the uneven beats of a 1988 demigod... I love your phrases, you're rather fantastic with the pen... and the story told so well too...
The contrasts of intense fascination in those insects and then... him swallowing Her Whole. Man...
A loss of innocence? I'm not big on theme and didn't like Lord of the Flies anyway, but I love your poetry. I'm going to mark this, and by mark, remember, favorite, scribble down in some telephone booth for the population to get some glory into their heads.
.....Not all my comments are like this, this is just a great, great write... Keep it up, deary. -
huh? I like the wordage, but the story is kinda confusing. All I could think of is maybe it's an Armageddon story. Is that right? I dunno. But some of the descriptions here were mindblowing. I loved the part about the sins on the sidewalks. Garnishing the graves with the skin under your fingernails...greusome. Very original.
-blake -
Deep... I like it, Goodluck in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
