So lets try this one last time.
I've ripped the pages out of this fairytale.
Only to find that I have been the mime.
With your icy blues, you have turned my heart oh so pale.
Lets turn this storybook romance to realities lies.
Lets find out the truth to this forever tale.
We must hurry before my heart once again shies.
Up to the castle and over the moat.
The fairytale starts with a false sense of word.
Only for me to find out what it says on that note.
In reality , I am the rat and you are the bird.
It's the classic tale of beauty and the beast.
I have missed my chance.
You make a thought that I like the least.
To catch your heart as if in a trance.
We bid our farewells,and hope it all ends well.
My false sense of hope has worn thin.
Lets return to reality where broken hearts will only tell.
Our love will only last without the ferocious sin.
Author notes
14
Written April 13th, 2006
A contest entry
- Instead of a Human... by Rianna Bear.
600 points, ended April 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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lots of emotions here that are very well expressed. this was a great piece to read and enjoy. However, it doesn't quite fit the criteria of the contest. i'm not sure i see an inanimate object that you are choosing to be. besides that, though, this piece is lovely, in that sad heart-broken way! thanks for sharing and for your entry!
*Rianna
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Thanks for reading and for your advice or critique.
--Alana-- -
Thanks for reading!
--Alana-- -
Hey... as soon as I read this, I got MCR's Ghost of You stuck in my head... weird...
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great poem! very good job. One thing- you might want to leave out 'oh so' before pale. It destroys the flow. I loved the second to last stanza. You have awesome ideas here, and you imagery is great. Some of the wording sounded a little forced though. Overall, awesome poem. keep up the good work.
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Great description, i really liked it (so did my friend), it was wonderfully expressed, the wprds flowed smoothly- it was great.
~Amber -
Thanks Chantel!
-Alana -
i really like this one. possibly one of my favourites. keep up the good work.
--chantel -
Thanks alot for your comment.
-Alana -
this is brilliant. i liked the ending. it shows courage and strength. simple yet complex
i enjoyed reading it. good luck.
♥
~Lana
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Thanks alot for your comment and applaud! It really means alot to me when someone likes my poems.I'll also add you to my favourites.thanks.
-Alana
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I love this poem. You're a great writer, and I can't wait to read what you write next. I'm going to put you in my favorites. I like what you did with the fairy tales and all. The background and title goes well with it. You've done a great job with writing this piece. Keep on writing, Jess.
Edited on Apr 14, 2:04 p.m. because ''. -
Aww Thanks for reading and for your comment and applaud.Im glad you liked it.You are also a great writer.
-Alana
Edited on Apr 13, 10:26 p.m. because ''. -
wow, amazing poem as the persoon above has expressed, just amazing i loved it a fairy tale of reality how shitty things are in the real world, i loved it just a great write,
Up to the castle and over the moat.
The fairytale starts with a false sense of word.
Only for me to find out what it says on that note.
In reality , I am the rat and you are the bird.
amazing i loved that verse, abosolutely great, never stop writing, this has to be on eof the best fairy tales i read lol -
Yay thanks Katie!!!you're the best!!!
-Alana -
...AMAZING....whoa....im speechless.... argh! this poem is absolutely incredible....WOW....i am in love with the line "I've ripped the pages out of this fairytale." mmmm :-) that is a very amazing line....you did a really awesome job ont his. two lines in this poem remind me of My Chem lyrics.... like "icey blues" reminds me of Demolition Lovers.... and "So lets try this one last time." reminds me of Our Lady Of Sorrows. I dont know. im awkward. but i love this poem. ok this is probably my FAVOURITE by you. brilliant, amazing, beautiful poem. very very beautiful i applaud you!!!!!!!!
peace love empathy,
-katie
xx
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