I can promise you sleep
In the havens of deep
Where the cradles that fall
Never fall down at all
Where pillows never leave your head
And all your tears are mine instead
I can promise I'll be
In the dreams that you dream
In the hopes that you hold
In your goals made of gold
In all this world I promise you
That I would live and breathe for you
I can promise to mend
Any holes that portend
I'll be here to refill
Parts of you that may spill
And if your home's a broken dome
I'll find a realm where you can roam
But my promise is ice
On a landslide to Hell
And we all pay a price
To belong where we dwell
Though I promise today
Though I promise you now
Though I promise a promise and solemnly vow
Never, no never
Between eight and seven
Could I ever promise forever in Heaven
What God hasn't found
In forever
In me
What love is uncertain
Yet canters
To be
What's only a privilege
To beat on
To live
"This heart in Forever"
It's not mine
To give.
Author notes
a sinner's poem
Written April 13th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Wow.
This made so many things run through my head as I read it.
Its wonderful.
Keep it up.
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this makes you think.
it's really pretty.
(: great job.
Keep that pen flowing!
Austyn Lippmann
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wow im thoughtful
lovely write
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beautiful
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Excellent
Beautiful music in words. Share in a dream, but not heaven or heart... -
WOW! That was just awesome...
Stacey
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loved it.
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I really loved the flow of this piece. Yet again I am left amazed by your talent. I love all your work.
- K
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A sinner's poem...Our poem...Yet,one of the most inspired!Because what source of inspiration is greater than one's own sins:they come in every shape possible,always there to inspire and never to end?...
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that has got to be one of the most powerful poems i have ever came across and read. You got a talent here and I wish i could be an Author like you thats my goal and dream.thank you so mmuch for sharing this makes total sense to me i reall really loved this very well penned awsome keep writting I would love to see others that you write that you dont have on here
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Beautiful
Wow, this poem is absolutely amazing! i reallllllllly like your work. oh i bought your book by the way and its also very good. oh yeah i'm the chick that's friends with your sister chelsea. she's really cool, i miss her though, yeah i had to move to texas. anyways, enough of my crapola, you totally rock and i love reading your poems. you have a serious god given gift there. you use it very well. anyways good luck to you and your future work.
Lauren Lane
oh and by the way, i was randomly reading your favorite bands and wow, a majority of those are my favorites as well. yeah like Fiona Apple, Sarah Mcglaclin(i probably didn't spell that right), Alanis Morrissett, Panic! at the Disco rocks!, and some others too. yeah that ways just a little just to let ya know. well ttyl! -
so talented
YOU ROCK YOU ROCK UROCK! -
Thank you, I'm very proud hehe
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BRILLIANTT!
This is spoken-word art!
The rhymes within the lines
and sound-alike words
makes this flow
with the trend
of those who hold mics
in darkly lit t rooms
while booming to significant musing
Not abusing the language
with inaudible morphemes
that mean
what they really don't mean
But to glean into words
the rhythms I've heard
it occurs to me you've scribe
pure poetry
flow-etry
perfectly
BRILLIANTT!
Thanks for the inspiration!
I hope all is well with you my dear friend.
Much Love,
Renee
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not a lie! love is a bridge to cross...if you do, only an idiot would return to the corners of this dark world...
thanks for your time
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I see ...ok ok ...my apologies
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ManosTorpes...forever IS a promise, and so is never......it is a tidy word, and if used in certain context, is the largest promise, and it is usually a lie.....
Loved this one.
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It isn't about not being capable of loving somebody forever. The eternity the poem means to refer to is a spiritual one. The promise I can't make to somebody is the promise of getting into Heaven. It's a sinner's poem.
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Interesting write. I suggest here:
Never fall down at all (that you say "Never plummet at all) since you've used "fall" just above.
Otherwise, I like it. I can't say if it's a great poem since I'm not a critic. I can say that I liked it and that's as far as I can go.
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oh this is truly beautiful and beyond words.
i would cry, but i cant *damm stuck tear ducts*
i would love beyond anything to leave you a huge comment but there is nothing to say because no words do this justice...
im sorry but i dont want to pick holes in it im fine with the delusion that this poem is perfect...not constructive but thats all i offer...it should be applauded a hundered times and a hunderd times again and then more -
brill
Great poem!!!! Some poeple probly wouldnt agre with it but i am not taking sides!! Anyway, great piece!!! Really comes from the heart! Great ryming that you included!! Well done! Please keep on writing! Haylow x
Edited on May 02, 3:12 p.m. because ''. -
hmmm....i can't say i agree
forever is a word not a promise...and love is a verb not a noun...however old we've like to get and manifest our wishes, we aren't perennial...true! but our love for life and loved ones can bo forever manifested...that i do believe!
Kristy
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Reads like lyrics. Very nice write, flowing and original. Keep it up. I see the talent.
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I liked this poem very much. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work. good luck in the contest. best of wishes. peace always in all ways. thanks again!
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This has its rhythm problems but it's still pretty good just the same. You have a little problem with the regularity of the rhythm here and there. This can be cured by looking at the poem as a whole, then adding or subtracting words as you see fit - which I'm sure you already know. To be honest, this one frustrates me a little because for the most part, say the first two thirds of most stanzas, you really are onto something, then the last stanza - which tends to be longer than the first two - hurts the rhythm by being unnecessarily long. If you're going to do that with the last lines, I think it would be best if you were to set up a regular rhythm and make the last lines of all the stanzas the same length. I feel a little conceited critiquing your work like this because I feel you have very real talent, but what I said above, as I'm sure you know, is only meant to help. So don't kill the messenger - and don't kill me either! - oce
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Good job
This was an interesting read. I enjoyed the play on words that you used in the title. I also enjoyed how you analyzed the concept of promise. However, I am having a hard time understanding it. I assume that the poem has some personal undertones, which is good. But The issue that I have with this piece is that without sufficient background, I have a hard time really understanding the meaning behind it all. Otherwise, this is a great read, good job. -
Loving yet truthful
I loved it! Very romantic, promises of things you wish you could give but can't and that you can't really be the one to fix them if they get hurt. And I love the way you discribe the price of your vows to your lover. Great job and good luck with your soon-to-be-poetry. -
a very interesting write from you here. the rhyming is great and you pulled it iff very well.
What's only a privilege
To beat on
To live
"This heart in Forever"
It's not mine
To give.
i find this intriguing as i think i know what you are saying. vl -
Very nice write to show all you have and all you don't...this is a great write....keep up the great work, many blessings to you.
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Good Job
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Very good indeed, it held my attention all th
A really lovely flowing poem, it twinkled of the tongue. Very nicely constructed and a joy to read. Love Moonraker XXX -
love it
I can see why you would need to pleasantly "get the weight off" hehe. In all seriousness, this is a great poem despite the angst and the going "there." Its balanced with light and dark, and the ending injects some of your own kind of realism and refusal to promise more than you can. Well done. The title is quite relevant also.
What love is uncertain
Yet canters
To be -
Wow
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