In the good ol’ days, brother, my life was great.
I could scare the holy bejeebers out of anyone.
The villagers had torches and sharp pitchforks
But I would just growl at 'em and they’d all run.
I was feared by man and god alike,
The most terrifying monster of all.
Look at me now! I’m fat and pink!
The audacity! The nerve! The gall!
Tell me whose responsible for this outrage!
I mean, just look at me! I’m not even scary!
A pressure gauge is sticking out of my head
And my new name is friggin' Frankenberry!
How is a ridiculous name like Frankenberry
Going to scare villagers or raise anyone's hair?
You better change it back! I’m warning you!
Don’t make me come all the way over there!
And hey, great attention to detail on the eyebrows!
If you paid for art classes, go get your tuition back.
But the crowning indignity, the biggest insult of all -
The top of my head looks like somebody's butt crack!
It’s a moustache on the Mona Lisa, that’s what it is!
A monster hawking cereal with marshmallow bits!
And what’s with those idiotic, welded-on glasses?
All this abuse is enough to give a monster the fits!
I went out this evening to scare a few villagers.
But they weren't scared at all! On the contrary!
One laughed and said, "Oooh, it's the monster!
The big, pink marshmallow boy, Frankenberry!"
I’m a laughing stock, thanks to General Mills.
Count Dracula's very annoyed with this, too.
Apparently, his name is now Count Chocula.
I’m very concerned about what he might do.
I guess we're not scary anymore, but back in the day,
We were the most horrifying monsters in all the land.
Who the heck do you think you are changing our names?
What part of "Franken-STEIN" do you not understand?
Need I remind you that we’re actual monsters?
I mean, is anything sacred? For cryin’ out loud!
I don’t mean to be a crybaby, but think about it.
As a chubby, pink monster, it’s hard to be proud!
Here's what I'm SUPPOSED to look like,
in case anybody cares!!
(Dashing, eh?)
Silver trophy winner
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