Give me time, to heal this emptiness inside of me,
This emptiness that has replaced my once loving heart,
Emptiness that now feeds my soul for now,
You have destroyed me,
And the worst part of it all is that I let you,
and that I am not strong enough to walk away,
I have given into my own self-destruction,
just as you had..
I have accepted my flaws, as you have too,
You were never forced to stay with me,
You have no ties with me, no attachments,
You detached from yourself, and I cannot help you,
I have to accept that you ARE flawed,
See, I don’t believe in true love anymore,
I don’t believe that you loved me when you betrayed me,
I don't believe that you know what love is,
or that you even love yourself,
Yet, you call me selfish,
You have been selfish your entire life,
Yet you cannot see that,
You blame others on your sickness,
Because of your own self-absorption,
Your pleasure was more important than anything,
and anyone,
And it is a sad thing, that your heart is cold
I have to work on myself,
But unfortunately I cannot forget, nor ignore,
This emptiness that you have caused me…
No, I am not done healing,
So stop telling me to move on,
I will move on when I get strong enough,
With or without you
Author notes
Written April 12th, 2006
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My sweet friend...this piece just rips my heart out, 'cause I was in a very similar situation, just 5 years ago. And I hope you'll believe me when I say that, at that time, and for many months after, I thought I'd die. I wanted to die! I was a living "zombie." Just going through the motions. Just existing, but hardly living. But I hope you'll hear me, sweets, when I tell you that the pain does not last forever! There's much grieving to do...no one has the right to deny you that! Grieve in your own way, Jazz...as much, or as little as you need. All that anger and pain, just like a festering wound, has got to be "drained" from your heart. See, that's why, right now, you don't believe in "true love." Your heart has been "poisoned" because of the false love that was offered to you. But darlin', believe me when I tell you that the "genuine thing" really is out there! (Just 'cause you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean it doesn't exist!) But right now, that's not the most important thing. You need time to heal, Jazzie. The heart is such a fragile thing; so fragile that you think, now, that it can never be healed. But it will, girl! I promise you, it will! Time is a wonderful "elixir." I've watched you go through so much, in the last couple of years! You've grown, and matured within yourself, and come to accept some very hard realities about yourself that the average person never has the courage to face. That's a major accomplishment, my precious friend! You've got far too much potential, and talent, Jazz, to allow this to bring you back to that dark place. I know that you'll make it through this, girl! You've got far more strength than you know! You will be in my prayers constantly! I pray for you only the very best this life has to offer, and someday, the one that your heart desires, who can love you with a genuine love...someone who will be strong for you...your safe place to fall. God bless you, my sweet friend! Keep your chin up!
Paula
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