I envy the strands of hair brushing your beloved face
In the evening breeze,
I envy the breeze that you breathe
Even though I'm the gentle breeze you inhale
I'm the scent of the rose that perfumes the air you inhale
I'm every sweetly fragranced scent you intake
I'm the rapture that overwhelms you in times of joy
I'm the blood that runs in your veins
"I'm the desire that burns within your heart, mind and soul
I'm the love that enflames your senses with a desire for a whole
I'm the end that your desires hope for
I'm the delightful taste that sweetens your life
I'm the air of the beloved tunes you constantly long to
I'm the lyrics that echo your nostalgia for a cherished
World and treasured memories.
I'm the reality and a present you live
With its beauty and pain
Discard the pain and hold on to the beauty, sincerity of all times
And together
Let's go and cross to a future world
A future world filled with concrete love, devotion, understanding
And compassion
A love that withstands tempests, floods and mudslides of time
Obstacles of every love story
Let's shed aside egotism, fear and doubt
Let's choose and celebrate nobility
A quality that says all the refined and good things
And rises above all lowly traits.
I love you with all the noble meanings and feelings carried within nobility
I want you with all desires embodied in my passion for you.
Let's repeat these attributes to ourselves
And remember them at all times lest
A rift drifts us apart.
My darling, I'm lost in the sea of your love
I'm trying to learn to swim in it
I fear its high waves, but my innocent, ardent and truthful desires
Encourage me to keep swimming to reach a shore
Of a wonderful love that up surged in an opportune moment.
I know that this is it
And this is what they call the love of one's life
Maybe to you it was a game
Maybe to you it was a flame
And my love the elixir you needed to drench with
The fires of your desires to forget
But by the God of Love that makes me so brave
And feelings so suave
I'll make you crave
For those instants to which
Deliciously you will be a slave.
Author notes
That is me, Nermin Nazim
In a list
A contest entry
- Deepest Purist Love by Night Terrors.
300 points, ended November 1, 2006, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The meaning of Love and Loyalty by Hearts.That.Bleed.
340 points, ended April 10, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want To Feeeelll The Emotion(prewrites allowed) any subject.. by dragontuba.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seekers of Love, Paradise, or Peace by Wandering Spirit.
600 points, ended May 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Most Powerful Words for the Most Powerful Emotion by DancingShadowCorpse.
875 points, ended May 26, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A colorful aray of options are comming at you! by Andii.
450 points, ended June 22, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into gold Pt. 4 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended February 29, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romancing The Muse by 2lullabyhaven.
520 points, ended May 10, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write What You Will! by limechic.
725 points, ended September 1, 2008, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into GOLD pt 7 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's All In A Kiss by silverscent.
450 points, ended October 3, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's a First for Everything... by Lamia.
800 points, ended April 13, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewite Contest II by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
480 points, ended April 20, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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i didnt have to think... good for today lol. thank you for entering my contest and good luck in the contest
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i didnt have to think... good for today lol. thank you for entering my contest and good luck in the contest
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I love reading poems where the emotion is very clear and heartfelt by the author. I also enjoyed the different directions you went with the feelings of love and all the different ways you expressed them. Also as a side note, I loved the background...terribly eye catching haha. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering
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This is very beautiful. I enjoyed the emotions you portrayed. Thanks for entering.
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Very beautiful, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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My dear thank you so much. This one means a lot to me as it is the first one i wrote over a period of six months and out of genuine feelings. i still do love it. It means a lot to me that you read it and commented on it and more that you liked it which gives me self assurance. Thank you my friend
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Masterpiece
Wow! i am just speechless...i don't know what to say...every line is dancing to the rhythm of the timeless love...i loved the flow of words and their pleasing melody in this poem and a unique aspect of this poem is its deep thought process...this is not an average poem...it is brilliant and precious i might add...i really enjoyed it...all the best to you..
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Very sweet...it's a bit hard to read against the background, and I'm not sure about the repetition of words in adjacent lines...but I get the idea. It's so full of love, it's overwhelming - but in a good way!
Great job, thanks for entering!
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Thank you for your entry...it is mosts profound. Those last lines spoke volumes.
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this is a great write- very good ideas in this. good luck and thanks for entering
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very good.I really liked this, it was sooo cute~!
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Wow!
Your poem was wonderfully passionate. It gives us teenagers a sence of what we should come to expect with love. I am very grateful to you for entering my sister's contest, The meaning of Love and Loyalty. I am almost lost for words. Again,thank you for entering, I wish you the best of luck. -
Excellent free verse poem! This is certainly love in all its glory! Remember, you have to put which option you chose in your author comments no matter how obvious it may be
Thank you very much for entering my contest!
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hi nermin , it is fantastic . I cannot call this an ordinary poem .. but I call this an epical poem .. masterpiece ... word fails me ..
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THANKS DEAR FOR YOUR COMMENT. I WILL ANSWER ALL YOUR QUERIES. well this is the first poem i wrote, and it started as a joke but over the period of six months i kept adding to it lines according to my feelings, and yes it is more of a love letter addressed by me to my beloved, so you are right. yes even though i am the breeze he breezes, i am so jealous of even myself or anything or anyone that touches him or has to do with him, that is how i put it, i dont know but why not feeling that way?
yes it might have started as a game on his side, might as a possibility, but i know otherwise. in case it was a game, he will become the slave of that love.
yes i describe myself in his eyes ( as i love to be of course) in other pieces i describe him and my feelings towards him, but here yes, it was before anything happened it was just long friendship, and bit by bit i added the rest as it became love.but then again i wonder in case he didnt feel so committed or such intense emotions, and i pledge to make him a slave of the passionate love i feel for him.
it might have long lines that are unneeded to the reader, but to me they are important and i cherish them because each word i said meant something in a certain period of time.
thank you my dear for your interest and wonderful comment
loved it.
hugs
nermin -
I like the last stanza-it has rhyme in it and a new word (that I haven't heard used in that context) suave. Honestly, I think there are too many lines and some things that the poem can do without. I feel like your poem is more like an advice on love (used in 1st p.o.v) than a poem in lines about 18-29. I'm confused about the first few lines because you say that you are the aroma he breathes, but you envy it?
"I envy the strands of hair brushing your beloved face
In the evening breeze,
I envy the breeze that you breathe
Even though I'm the gentle breeze you inhale
I'm the scent of the rose that perfumes the air you inhale".
You describe yourself more in his eyes then he in your eyes, which is a different approach in poetry. It reads weird. Yet although you describe yourself in the poem so loved by him, in this line: "Maybe to you it was a game" maked the writer unsure of true love. So, your poem isn't clear in some points.
There is a lot of passion in this poem. It's a very good love poem.
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Getting inspired by 'me'!! ;)
Hey, my sister, a new style from you. Good I like it, what a great poem, yeah truely this is not a flow of words but a flow of emotions. I like the expression and the sense of envy that you reflected in the write. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good write. -
oh my such emotions written down here I got lost in the sea of love beautiful writing you amaze me with your talent thank you for enterting and good luck....
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I could not help thinking to myself......times in my life....I would think.....in notation...all the things I could be would be and should be to my love.......all the feeling I would express show and become.......all the aparts of me I could share....my heart my mind my body my soul......I too....as we all do need to learn......how to swim and stay afloat in a love by which we now sail.....I see the passion and the emotion come from a heart burning with joys....excitements...enchantments....if not for the dreams we could not live love.......in reality....so comes to me.....in these thoughts shine from your piece......grandeur with spice...
Malabu -
YOU MADE MY DAY, AND MADE ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE ALL I WROTE I WROTE OUT OF TRUE FEELINGS AND YES THAT IS A LETTER TO MY LOVE TO NEVER GO DOWN BELOW AND ALWAYS RISE ABOVE LOWLY TRAITS. I WISH I COULD CRITIQUE LIKE YOU DO, I LOVE YOUR WORDS, AND I LOVE THE VICTORIAN ERA. THANK YOU FOR READING IT AND MAKING ME HAPPY REALLY, THANK YOU MY DEAR
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Oh my, I agree with the judge. This reminds me of a beautiful love letter with all its symbolisms of passion and romanticism. The poem in free style has a pulse, a breath, with musical overtones that chimes in time to the flow of love itself. It holds an ancient mood, if you will, and an archaic language which I very much admire--like something I might have read back in the Victorian era (one of my favorite eras). All of the senses are addressed, sometimes inadvertently, most subtly, sometimes strongly and passionately with much conviction and confidence. Very good analogies of nature used here. It is so hard to focus on a particular stanza or line because the flow is nonstop for me. Thank you for your exquisite entry into our contest. All my best, Belle
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Excewllent verse
Well, this is certainly a beautiful love poem ~ so hearfelt and personal yet so literary in qwuality. I love the sensuouisness of it. You move in imagery from that which is gently felt to that which is sweetly smelt to the sensory sensation of blood surging to delightful taste and melody heard. Then your poem began to tell rathe than show. Yet, it rerm,ains a dignified piece of advanced free verse.
I loved the extended metaphor here: My darling, I'm lost in the sea of your love
I'm trying to learn to swim in it
I fear its high waves, but my innocent, ardent and truthful desires
Encourage me to keep swimming to reach a shore
Of a wonderful love that up surged in an opportune moment.
Your dozen or so lines beginning with "I'm" are deliberate rhetorical repetition that lends itself to recitation.
I feel that the poem would be intriguingly enchantying if you dropped off the final stanza. Ron
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Oh my God Rachel, you made my day and night. i love this one too as it is the first i wrote and i wrote it to a special person as i was inspired by him.
thank you for reading it and thank you for liking it and allowing me into your contest, thanks -
this was beautiful!!! I LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!!! great job! i love the romance and sincerity-ness of it. this is wonderful! thanx 4 entering my contest n the best of luck to u!! i hope he likes the poem u wrote for him!
xoxo rachel -
this is a nice entry, nice form and word choice to share emotiions within..keep penning and good luck..Linda
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i am thrilled that you like it. it got ignored for so long so i didnt know how to think of it, but for me it was the first one i wrote and it was for a love of mine, so i meant each word of it and i still mean it for him, and i will still make him crave and be a slave to those nights my love to him i gave.
thank you dear for reading it and thank you for liking it because this is a very special one with special feelings for me. -
Wow...speechless...::gaping mouth::
Anyways, FANTASTIC job here! Loved this to pieces! Thank you for entering my contest! Good luck!
God Bless.
~Laura~
Edited on May 28, 9:04 p.m. because ''. -
Outstanding
"I know that this is it"
Wow! Nermin Nazim, this is a POWERFUL love poem, one of the best I've ever read! It was thrilling reading this.
--Ellis -
beautiful and mesmerizing write!!!
And my love the elixir you needed to drench with
The fires of your desires to forget
But by the God of Love that makes me so brave
And feelings so suave
I'll make you crave
For those instants to which
Deliciously you will be a slave.
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"And my love the elixir you needed to drench with
The fires of your desires to forget
But by the God of Love that makes me so brave
And feelings so suave
I'll make you crave
For those instants to which
Deliciously you will be a slave so."
i don't like qouting an entire stanza, but i just HAD to do it this once. it was incredible. it was beyond the perfect way to close the piece.
you have a great way of appeasing your audience & showing the love of our God. i feel this may have been a bit long, but just the same i did enjoy it immensely.
-- justin
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