I find people weary.
Waiting for nothing.
Why do they sit near me?
Why do they fear seeing?
Another feeding for the horde.
Hiding humanity’s open sores.
Symmetry of loved ones morned.
Scratching empty plates with angry forks.
I chuckle at their indecent ways.
Laughing for days.
Incognito
Apathy embraced the falling,
knees buckle, and they start crawling.
Calling on deaf ears, God will not hear.
God, will not hear.
Where do we go from here my love?
When does the rain stop falling down?
I look above, but nothing found.
Tears of joy just turn to tears.
I seem to be lost within the clear.
I look above, but still there’s clouds.
I look beneath, but only shrouds…
Hear me Lord!
Detriment
Down their common sense.
Tired as I am…
Why do they sit near me?
Why do they fear seeing the day?
Being the reason for me to get up…
and walk away.
A contest entry
- [sorry if we can't all be unoriginal] but I have a mold to break. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended June 29, 133 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Sorry this has been enterd in another recent contest of mine.
In oreder to make it fair for others, I must remover this.
[but feel free to enter another I have yet to comment.] -
"Where do we go from here my love?
When does the rain stop falling down?"
Love the questioning. thanks for entering.
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this is good i think it needs a little work, i loved angry forks, take care and keep writing
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Symmetry of loved ones morned.
mourned
you have left me completely perplexed here. i think i must be in a fog. intriguing for sure. thank you for sharing this. now you will have me thinking all day. viyanna rosemarie
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Excellent
A fine write, both intriguing, and somewhat perplexing. I thought, at first, it was about the homeless, however when I finished reading it, I was no longer sure. None the less, thanks for sharing. -
Great work !
I see ... it has been that way for me ...
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great work !
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great work !
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Another feeding for the horde.
Hiding humanity’s open sores.
Symmetry of loved ones morned.
Scratching empty plates with angry forks.
MY GOD!!!! This was some of the most creative verse I've had the pleasure of reading in a very very long time!
The tone of this poem was fantastic as well as the flow of the piece... Beauty from first letter to last!
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Thank you for your wonderful comment. I'm very happy to have reached someone out there.
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I give it three bunnies.
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The dots are marked but yet to be drawn together with something: I find this poem too epigrammatic.
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nice alliteration and rhyme. I clicked quite by accident because I know an author by the name of incognito ... anyway, glad I clicked.
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interesting poem...so many layers and textures to
chew upon.....we are all going thru transitions whether
we like it or not...economically, socially, politically...
and we all feel a little....bewildered by it...i know
at times I sure do.
You etched this wonderfully..Iam sure we all read
into it...where we are ....whether this is angst
or a soul bewildered...by all the transitions we
are together facing......
interesting, interesting, write!
ears/Seattle
well done!
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you reeeeallly need to write more...after reading this i am going to pour through your lists...lol Nice coming here tonight...love, lane
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Great alliteration in these lines, liked the flow, the creative use of space and the sentiments expressed in these lines. Why indeed.
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wowwww.
I really felt what you wrote. It was very beautiful and sad at the same time. I also really like how the rhyme scheme isn't too tight - I think that would take away from its meaning.
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okay
this is really good and i think the only reason i did not like it is because it is pretty depressing....
keep up the good work. -
Beautiful job. I felt every word, and every line. You are a wonderful poet. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing
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very well thought out and exspressed work you have penned dear poet. Thanks for sharing it with us
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Truly sometimes we feel alienated, or even alone in a crowd. It is tiring to see what others fail to see, even when it is impossible to NOT see. There is a bit of arrogance in this poem, but that is of no detriment to its overall meaning. I see the truth within, and can relate to it.
until exhale,
Grimoire -
This piece makes me think about the social order of things.....our need as human beings to connect and be in touch with " reality," but what is reality? LOL Thanks for waking my brain up so early today! I enjoyed this well written piece...as only you can write them!
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Interesting anti-social angst. Great writing. You have captured the spirit of the narcissistic ego.
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Breathtaking!
in this poem it opened my mind to alot of things
truely amazing,
u should try being a poet for a career if u are not one already.
truely superb! -
I liked it.
I specially liked the
lines..where does it go from here.
I've asked that too many times.
you did such a great job with this.
..Simply Me♥ -
Feeling the need to buck convention? To set oneself apart from the rest of the hive...it is something we all aspire to do but our own human nature makes us also seek that hive- safety in numbers and all that. It is a strange condition, this being human.
I like that this poem makes me think- and even better that it made me smile.
Nice, that.
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Walking away from people does not sound like you in other places here.
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it was confusing
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Excellent !!
Wow !! This is an excellent piece of writing, It's a fantastic poem that leaves the reader in awe. It's one of the best poems I've read. I love the way you have written this. Really well done. I wish you All Good Luck in the contest. All my best wishes from Rose xx
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omg i really like this poem^^
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Hm...I am not insulting the poem itself in the slightest, but I am confused...can you explain to me why it fits into my contest?
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Well done dear poet. this is indeed a powerful write, not only by words but by meaning also. Thanks for the write. Luck be to you.
~Oka/KC -
well i liked this. good job and thanks for entering.
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i am going to have to look at this again as i think i have missed part of the meaning. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
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Trying to blend in, to be unseen among others is sometimes not that easy. Why do some want to be near others, I know some think the popularity, power, of one will maybe rub off on them, hoping to make them all they are not. Will always be those kind around. Interesting reading the comments too - each takes something different from these lines - that is good, depending on their experiences. We write for ourselves first, not to please others, but to express something of ourselves to share with others. Keep writing...Liked the flow and the easiness with which this was written.
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Unique
Interesting rhyme pattern and rhythm ... it reads very much like rap lyrics actually. Took me a second read to wrap my head around it!
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Unusual and mind challenging as well as uncnventional, but different.
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true and real
I thought it was a good poem in alot of respects and isn't that what it is about ... respect? people, "waiting for nothing" , "I chuckle at their indecent ways" they are the needing hoard. the way I read it is the weak are shallow who find their strength from being close to the strong, the strong is weary from being the provider of those around him. tired of giving what they don't take upon themselves to get or see or acknowledgew themselves. What else is left to do but walk away. One can only give so much of themself. Great write in my view
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Cryptic crossword in shorthand
I don't believe I am qualified to comment but in all fairness I don't read poem that are not concise and clear a second time as I believe that the poet should tell the story and not the reader guess, surmise, suppose or whatever. I am not knocking this but everyone has their own preferences. Being an engineer for 50 odd years I was taught to work on known facts only and this was important so when work that does not say what it means comes along my mind disregards it and leaves it there. Judging by the various different interpretations of what you have penned, I believe that I may have done the right thing in my case. I would rather be writing something within my preference than trying to save a cryptic crossword written in shorthand.
Bazza -
recommenting for the contest
this was an excellent poem and i thought it thouroghly described hate excellently,
my favorite part would have to be
Where do we go from here my love?
When does the rain stop falling down?
Renowned for my chaos.
It is an incident unjust.
Battle cry.
So will I sing
Bring forth, a true course
A life force
Detriment
i loved this, and it was amazing, i'm glad you entered it in my contest, i know it hasnt been judged completely yet but i'm working on it, i've just returned from a visit with my dying aunt, but i am going to work on it i expect it to be done by friday night the latest,
good luck in the contest
keep writing
~Ashley~ -
this was an awesome emotionaly drawn poem and i loved it, i am curious as to which option it is though, please let me know dear i would hate to dq an awesome poem like this one but good luck in the contest
keep writing
~Ashley~<3 -
had to read it twice
but i think i get it. the end is really good. makes u think, its ambiguity is its best part. make ur own plot according to ur own scenarios in life. well written, god job!
~marcus -
insightful
a really well written piece. I enjoyed it thoroughly. keep up the excellent work...
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i love this one tooo!!!! espically ending with "being the reason for me to get up and walk away" loved it!!!
~Ashley~ -
this is really interesting for just a moment ago i was reading ezra pound and studying his use of "parataxis" which was latter imitated by allen ginsberg... and i thought wow!! to those uninitiated, parataxis is a technique in poetry in which two images or fragments, usually starkly dissimilar images or fragments, are juxtaposed without a clear connection. Readers are then left to make their own connections. i think in its way the poem is a success. i also do note that it was written long ago and believe that you have groomed the poem a lot.
as for the poem itself, in my opinion it is about some deep seated hatred towards mankind that the speaker is relating to his/her lover... after all you do mention the people not being able to see the "day", which i suppose is the light of reason or divinity. but i am not so sure about the "dancing spiders" and "phenyl" and even by stretching my imagination can't really relate them with the whole poem.
lastly, i also liked the rhymes that you have put, which makes it a delightful read. the poem would have lost a lot without it and would have appeared as a mere bunch of random juxtapositions.
interesting, and worth reading many times. -
Nice!
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OK, I confess you lost me somewhere in this - and I have read it through twice - but I can see that it has an intensity to it.
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Deep. I like that there's no punctuation, and the poem just flows... Great write!
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Lol You must excuse me for I read your long winded friend firstly after the poem and I think maybe you should use Fennel(plant) because he stinks like one! Apathy reigns in this but for your friend well apathy would not sit next to him for fear of being analysed! I enjoyed the piece for what ever reason you wrote it, it is yours and you can express yourself however you see fit!
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I thought a free radical was like a hippie..LOL. I liked the ending and even if the readers are confused ... they should swallow down their fear and ask about it.
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HAAAAAAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hey, don't you have some chemicals under your kichen sink to make a little bomb and stick it up your arse and blow your brains back up in to your long-winded head???
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"...I'd love a comment, too."
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It really helps if you are long-winded, self-assured, and highly annoying. I would be happy to tutor you, if you wish.
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amazing
This is... wonderful. This is one of those poems that can really get to you, and in general you never even know what hit you. I really love this, *and I will probably bookmark it* but just know that you really do show a lot of talent here. This is just... perfect. -
The only thing that I can say is the depth of this piece has blown me away . . . I think everyone else has analyzed this piece to death and you just deserve to hear how wonderful your write was!
Keep penning . . . keep sharing . . . and much luck to you in any and all future poetic ventures!
Maggie -
my take on it is that it speaks to all the apathetic people, musings spawned by one who sits next to the narrator on a bus or subway....
i especially liked the ending, which is both powerful and ambiguous at the same time...
JustBe said all the rest....word hog that he is
wonderful write, deserving of all its applause.
~tryst -
????WHAT????
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Super powered
Having a lonely day? Try an art event. Great momentoum.
Smiles to you!
rhymer2000 -
This was a cryptic mindscape of one who seems to be discusted by the apathy around them. I found the circle you created and finicshed witht the lines
"Why do they sit near me" and then
"Why do you sit near me"
The discust for those living this life in fear or apathy, seems to pervade the piece in imagery and use of hiding and pain. the intrance of the lover halfway through the poem then takes the meaning onto another level with the final line of why do you...
"Why do you fear seeing the day
Being the reason for me to get up
and walk away "
questioning the reasons a lover stays near us.. but there is the question of them fearing the day.
(Being) could be read as the day being your reason for getting up, or it could be the lover who clings to you is the reason to get up and away.
the lack of puctuation leaves this more obscure. but i like to look at (the battle cry) and (sing)ing as a delight in life. the rest a confusion as to why these unliving lovers/people are around if they do not see the love and beauty of the world. Since they hide and do not live, you have asked the question... why?
That could be me just imprinting onto your poem//// so...
ill just stop and say thank you for such a thought provoking piece. I will continue considereing what you have placed in this cryptic poem.
love and respect, barefoot -
muahahahh!... o..k... interestin' write though i will admit i absolutely had no idea what you were talkin about sometimes...! lol!... kiddin...! nice write... liked the words you've chosen... very direct and simple... helps ease the confusion from this twisty turny write... nice train of thoughts...
good work!
best of luck!
Sue!
ps: how in the world did the others manage to write such a long comment! -
Not just a "chef" but, a certified chef. (certified meaning by the "American Culinary Federation") plus, a double major in "restaurant management" and "food and drug adminastration" thus, the physics.
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I most definately love this poem. I truly love a poem that prompts me to read it multiples of times and gives my mind a bit of a twist each time through. In all honesty, I havent a clue what was truly intended by the author. Of course, it is also my belief that we rarely do. We readers just assume we know things that in reality are none of our buissiness.
I know you asked for a critical review, but I could care less whether the participle dangles or not. Yes, yes, I read some of the previous comments until my brain exploded and my hair turned blonde. I will never be the same again
Seriously, This is the kind of write that I just enjoy for the sheer reading of it. It prompts little images here and there that create a story in my head basically drawn from my own frame of reference. It sort of has the feel of riding the bus or some form of transit home while the voices in my head whir around taking in the sights of those around me and having conversations with others that I am thinking of. Much like those millions of perfectly worded conversations we have with people in our heads, but upon actually being in a possition to speak to them audibly, none of those perfect thoughts come out.
Enough blahblah from me. I enjoyed the read and I am very happy the return the favor button brought me to this particular piece. -
Another tome for you
Not just Physics--Chemical Physics. Yes I know about phenyl radicals. When I hear "phenyl," I think C6H5-R, where R is another atom with a half-filled orbital to donate to a sigma bond (i.e. I think of it as a functional group attached to something else in lieu of a proton. I don't know that I "should've" dug that deep while reading your poem, though. I'd wager that the cross-section of AP members who know anything whatsoever about o-chem at all is a very, very small one, and so I think not going that far is defensible. If you are a chef by trade, how did you come across this knowledge, by the way? Did you read up (a lot) on cancer-fighting agents and antioxidants?
Monovalent, I guess, would mean either that you are very dizzy, tired of going around in circles, a little of both, or else that you're very lonely, and, in the case of an aromatic radical, are searching for someone (whether married or desperate like you) to "bond" with. When you find her, your union of opposites could form a positive overlap, but it would ruin her relationship with her significant other. Maybe you should've titled this "A Pauli Romance."
Of course, phenyl radicals are (as radicals go), relatively stable at body temperature, due to all that aromatic resonance (pit funk)...so you'd be looking, but not that hard, and you'd have to take care that your partner wasn't a gold-digger (high electron affinity). Stay the hell away from her if her name is Bromine. If she's a real taker, your relationship could become a very polar one. Hell, you might wind up giving up your expectations--a codependent. Then one day you might see things in a different light, get in a heated argument, and decide to divide your belongings. You'd both go it alone with higher expectations.
On the rebound it'd be pretty easy for you to wind up wrecking someone's marriage, changing her personal identity, and keeping her from doing what she wants to do. She'd be less likely to compliment herself, and she might even come unraveled--stop making sense entirely. That can be a really malignant situation, and she'd have to deal with it for the rest of her life.
Romantico-chemically speaking, I would've gone with "hydroxyl," because then you could talk about peroxide formation (BANG!), and compare the thermodynamic instability of the same to an insatiable craving to get with anyone. Availability wouldn't be an issue if you were able to break her will.
All jokes aside, based on context, if you're going the chemical route, I think you want to use a species that can form an ionic salt, and is dying to cut and run. It sounds like this guy is sick of his company (electron), and is considering escape to infinity (ionization). A heavy alkali metal, which is also monovalent ("friendless," as well, since it doesn't have any bosom buddies), would be best, in my opinion. Cesium or Francium would be ideal, since they are really scarce, and want to ditch that electron so badly that they do extremely violent things after setting it free. Don't sit next to Francium, by the way, because it's radioactive.
There are endless opportunities for obscure use of chemistry terminology here. Actually, it's kind of mind-boggling. Sheesh! You type one frigging word, and I write a 5-page essay about it. I have work to do. I wash my hands of this affair.
It's been a pleasure. I'd love a comment, too.
~Morgan
Edited on May 17, 1:25 p.m. because ''. -
Well, that pretty much sums it up (being, whatever of the three you most value).
Phenyl, I put in because, I liked that the way it sounded.
Well, OK, not really. You being a physics graduate and all, should know that (or, should have went a little deeper and) phenyl is a "free radical" neither positive or negitive and is unpaired or univalent.
For all who may be lost at this time, just put "free radical" in place of phenyl and read it a couple more times...........
That is all I'm going to give you for now.
I like your style JustBe.
David -
Fills the head.
Hugely intriguing, even despite a Pacific Ocean of dangling participles. I almost wonder if you put them there on purpose, though, because they are just everywhere, and this is clearly meant to be an enigmatic poem for the reader to read about 20 times (I did). Also, your other work does not seem to be so afflicted. I should note that in reading your other stuff, I came away impressed by your diction. Your gray matter is fully functional.
The lack of punctuation (especially question marks) makes this poem very cryptic. I cannot decide from whose perspective it is written. Here are my guesses:
I. A cynical, high-minded hermit, who observes with jaded disgust the "indecent" blindness and mob mentality of "his" (being PC takes too many keystrokes) clueless fellow humans, who "he" already knows will screw everything up irretrievably.
II. Some sort of god who's nearly had it with the misguided, blasphemous behavior of the unthinking idiots "he" created.
III. A near-suicidal guy hanging by a thread.
I tend toward the "pissed-off god" interpretation, because of the moral question first person seems to be mulling over in lines 14-26 about how to respond to the relentless onslaught of willful affronts by the pathetic band of self-righteous, know-nothing morons, whom "he" likens to squashable bugs. The last line certainly indicates that first person knows the question of "his" presence/guidance/whatever (or potential lack thereof) is a very significant one.
I found it quite interesting that at the beginning of the poem, first person speaks to the reader (or whomever "he" is addressing) out of contempt for others, but that at the end, the contempt is directed at the reader (see last parentheses). In both cases, the object of first person's contempt is (I think) being told, "You are really annoying. Please get lost, because I am tired of your crap."
Come to think of it, all of these observations lend themselves just as readily to interpretation III. Either way, it's interesting.
There are two things that keep me from concluding that I fully understand this work:
1. What could benzene (phenyl) rings have to do with humble pie and/or jeering in private? I can't get my mind around a one-word reference to organic chemistry in this peom.
2. What does it mean to "sit near me?" Pray, perhaps? Study nature? If I could figure that out, I would really get this, I think. Maybe it really means "sit near me." I could very easily be overcomplicating things. Maybe this truly is just about a depressed guy in a subway car, observing people. If so, I've wasted a bunch of words droning on and on. Just in case that's what's up ...
Suggestions:
Unless you are doing it on purpose for effect, I would love it if you would get rid of all those dangling participles. The main reason I had to read this so many times was because I wasn't sure which actions were being applied to what, and by whom. My thinking is that words ending in "-ing" (present participles, gerunds) or "-ed" (past participles) should be avoided in poetry, except when accompanied by a well-understood subject. If the subject is meant to be understood by context, then consecutive lines lacking explicit subjects should apply to the same person/thing that is, was, will be, or has been "doing."
If nothing else, I would remove all "-ing" words from the beginnings of lines, and replace them by words with a definite tense and subject. Alternatively, you could not remove those words, but include some plain, coherent connection to said tense and subject. The first two lines are confusing:
"I find people weary
Waiting for nothing"
Do you find weary people who are waiting for nothing ["I find people weary/and waiting for nothing"], or do you find weary people while waiting for nothing ["I find weary people/ as I wait for nothing"]? The lack of punctuation makes this very unclear. There are other examples that are more ambiguous, like the last lines:
"Why do you fear seeing the day
Being the reason for me to get up
and walk away"
"Being" is capitalized, so the last two lines seem to amount to a sentence fragment, and if one does not stop to put things together in one's head ("Why are you afraid of seeing the day--/of being the reason I get up and walk away?"), then one comes away confused.
When all is said and done, this poem is cool, even if all those danglies are mistakes. You are either a brilliant writer who needs to give this poem a lot more polish, or else you are a brilliant writer who didn't do so on purpose.
Are you ready for my token bullshit comment?
"Loved your imagery! Keep on penning forever and ever, so I can gather a few points and no insight by surface skimming, and then leaving meaningless commentary!"
I for one really read and thought about your poem, and I quite liked it. Anyone who says they understood this, but didn't say how is either lying or chicken.
Well writ, fellow bard.
~Morgan
Edited on May 16, 9:56 p.m. because 'I felt like it'. -
Very lyrical. Was it indended as such? Thank you for entering
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Just when we think our well is dry, there is some leaking, some spring, that fills us, even with indignancy, so we are moved to make something of the absolute mundane. Well done.
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Brilliant
Wow, I loved reading this poem and it was done so very well!!
I loved the way you wrote 'Battle cry..So will I...Sing' lol..it actually rang a high C for me lol....I really enjoyed this well done and goodluck with the contest xox
~Aurine~ -
i get a whole keith richards persona going through my mind... slightly wicked.........loved it. auntie m
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nutfactor9
why indeed...
i liked it... reminded me of bus stations
and unconfortable encounters
respek
keep wrighting -
thought provoking
You have written a very interesting poem here on a very interestic topic. I have enjoyed reading the comments others have written, too! Thank you for sharing the poem. I look forward to checking out more of your collection! -
this is a good write... very clear imagery here... always a good thng...peace and good ink...shzoosy
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Sometimes it's interesting to read the comments as well as the poem, and this is one of those cases. You have a bit of a following here. I'm new here, so I'm working on just finding friends.
I'm not really very familiar with "contemporary," but I do like free verse. I enjoy writing it as much as I enjoy reading it. I do understand your poem, and I think you have an amazing thought process going on. Sniffer -
As my granny used to say, if people have business of their own worth tending to, they'll tend to their own, and if they don't, they'll try to tend to yours. To me, there seems to be a strong undercurrent of "if my answers frighten you, why do you keep asking scary questions?" the dichotomy between wanting to be understood, and not wanting to be bothered by those who don't long enough to explain it to them, and the bitter amusement that genius always has at the fact that these people don't get it, and likely never will. Well done
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A very sad yet free feeling here. It is almost like saying goodbye through the whole thing. I like it. TY for sharing.
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beautiful.
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I'm afraid I really didn't get this one at all. I had an image in my mind of people sitting next to you on a subway train. Was I anywhere close? I'd like to know if you don't mind. Yours - oce
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fun read
sounds like a most interesting trip here. This was a fun read with a nice flow and a fun way to go here. -
this was nice... i clicked for the title cuz incognito is like my favorite word right now.. i was visually impressed... you painted a story with your words and that seems to be rare to find now... great job!
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Good Visual
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So where in cognito are you? :P
I liked this poem a bunch... I like all the rhyming (if it is spelt right), this half is my favorite by far because it flows so easy and sounds so good...:
When does the rain stop falling down
Renowned for my chaos
It is an incident unjust
Battle cry
So will I
Sing
Bring forth
A true course
A life force
Detriment
Down their common sense
Tired as I am
Why do you sit near me
Why do you fear seeing the day
Being the reason for me to get up
and walk away
Loved this poem mate. -
awesome job with this poem. "incognito" is such a kewl word!!!!! but anyway, this poem was written very well....nice way with words
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I was right in the middle of commenting and my computer went dead. I was going to say that you have a lot of great comments on this poem and I feel like I am missing something because I didn't understand it so I wanted you to explain it to me, if you don't mind.
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oops sorry Ive already read this and Ive clicked on it again. I didnt mean to waste your points. I did like it though and it was worth another read
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Some people have really no life of their own that means anything - very mundane existance, and by sitting near and being close to people who are in power, who are go getters and who are in the spotlight, they think some of this might wear off on them and this makes them feel better about themeselves - that is my take on these hanger ons who really just hang on. Does that make any sense to you. Know many like this who do nothing but live in the glow of others.
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Love it!! This is outstanding work!!!!
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loving this.. beautfiyil.. i love the form.. very free.. gives flight to natural and floin words
jess -
brilliance in its own ways
amzing shit man... i loved it totally... theres something very haunting about the repete of those lines... maybe its the backround that adds to the dreeryness... but maybe not... it could all be vocabualry thats perfection... anyways... overall... this piece is a cut above... i perfer rhyme myself, but thats just one person... but its unusal when a un rhymin poem impacted me so you did brilliant in my perspective.... great job... distubingly haunting -
This is a great write...perhaps they sit next to you to offer you the energy they have to rejuvenate YOU...this is nicely written, keep up the good work, many blessings to you.
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nice
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i have often asked the same questions but however never got the answers that i wanted i hope you find all of yours through your writing
love th papa -
I like the flow that it follows, to me it seemed to flow faster and grow more desperate, then calm down into a trickling depressive state. All together a beautiful glimps into one of the various aspects of the human condition. I would love to hear it spoken in intensity.
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I loved your style of writing. this was a great poem
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Tired as I am
Why do you sit near me
Why do you fear seeing the day
Being the reason for me to get up
and walk away
Love those closing lines.........
I wrote a poem with the words an angel without wings.. so your poem caught my attention. Very well written, somewhat of a mystery. I like the tight form. -
brilliant
good write nice attitude but think you could make it more so with capitals or the layout more to give the point emphasis but nice flow and feel...enjoyed reading it and do look forward to reading more of your work..gives plenty to ponder over and the reader can take what they want from your words...good one -
Nice Write.
Agree and Disagree. People are exactly like that. But there is something more and better in every person- something more than we see. It is frustrating. But if it bothers one that much then he/she/they should atleast try to change the people close to them into bringing out their true, vibrant selves. Else, we are as bad as they are.
On the literary sense, your punctuation could be improved to give cetain words more effect. But your poem is good that it portrays well what you feel and it is something most forgets, doesn't bother about, or tries not to think about. Nice write. But I couldn't relate to the title. -
Fascinating style and content.. Love it
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I find this quite eclectic and unique! Much props!
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