Lying on the table draped in a sheet
Cold stirrups held tight to my little feet
My hands icy and shaking from fear
Only fourteen and too young to care
Mom and Dad said it had to be done
I didn't argue with anyone
They said it would ruin my life
That I would never have fun
They were right about that
But not in that way
So I went with them on that fateful day
The day they took my precious baby away
I remember the stale sterile smell
It felt so heartless just like hell
And hell it would be where I came to dwell
I remember the sound of the suction
Felt the cold intrusion in my womb
Saw the condemning eyes of those that stood in the room
I wanted to scream
My eyes filled with tears
The first of so many I would shed over the years
When it was over and my baby was gone
Everyone thought that I could just pick up and go on
But they were all so very wrong
The days are always so incredibly long
When your mistakes and regrets are all that you have
My life was ruined by the choice that I made
Now not a day goes by that I don't wish I could change the past
But all that is left is for me to ask
Forgive me baby, I didn't know what to do
I wish I had been stronger for you
Sleep silent angel, until I can hold you in my arms
The only place that you ever truly belonged
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Thank you so very much foy your wonderful insigtful comments ont his piece, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece, but I am sorry to hear that you have suffered so as well. Hugs, Bunny
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Heartfelt
This is a very personal and moving piece, congratulations on the win but more importantly I hope that your pain has lifted a little. My poem in this contest comes from completely the opposite point of view, a child who always felt unloved and guilty for being a burden on my mother- there have often been times when I wished I had not been born, or given away to someone who would love me. I have never felt my mothers love so I know that your child knows how much love is in your heart even though you are unable to be together. The decisions you make in life can only be the right ones at the time, yes if you could do it again with hindsight it may happen differently but without that knowledge we do the best we can.
I wish you all the best,
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments and care, I appreciate them truly. It was the hardest thing that I have ever endured and i don't think there will ever be any peace for me, until the day when I will hold that sweet child in my arms instead of in my memory. Some people think that avortion is an easy choice, like you can just get up and walk away, for those that think that I would tell them to know that maybe for some this might be true, but for the majority of us I think that it is a pain that forever stays in our souls! hugs, Bunny
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To go what you've gone through is hell on earth. I know one who's gone through much the same, but on a different level. I will not get into it now, it's not my story to tell.
Those who say they've had their heart broken from reading something don't know what it's really like until they finally get the chance to read your piece. It's almost as though I were really there, watching the whole thing and crying out to you. To have the courage to write out what you've been holding back all those years is something that I only dream about.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D -
Yes I know exactly what you mean, it's not like we really had a choice, they will say we did, but we knew the consequences of what would happen, so there was no choice. I live with it everyday, it never goes away and the pain of it never gets any better. I am sorry for you too sweetie, the only thing that gives me comfort and I hope to you is that I hope the baby knows somehow that we would have loved him/her forever and that we did not want to do what I did but had too, given our age and our fathers. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Hugs, Bunny
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This was amazing. It hit home. I was a year younger than you, but and that was only three years ago when I had to do this. I thought it was the right choice, the only choice I could make, to abort the baby so my father or ex couldnt kill him/her. I have to live with that in my head and heart...did I make the right choice? Kill him/her before they had a chance to live?
-Dai -
Thanks so very much for your wonderful caring comments, and yes writing it down did help.
Bunny
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Bittersweet
This is powerfully poignant. You were very young, and your parents tried to do as they thought best. Any guilt is not yours to bear alone. We all make mistakes and deal with them the best we can at the time. I hope pouring out your feelings on paper has helped.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment onthis piece and for your wonderful remarks, appreciate them very much! Bunny
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awww. all that pain has come forth. not all of it, but it's here and everyone can feel it too.
Felt the cold intrusion in my womb
Saw the condemning eyes of those that stood in the room
I wanted to scream
My eyes filled with tears
The first of so many I would shed over the years
When it was over and my baby was gone
Everyone thought that I could just pick up and go on
But they were all so very wrong
wow... -
Thank you very much for your wonderful comments and encouraging applause, I appreciate it very much! Bunny
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful coments and encouraging applause, I appreciate them both so very much! Bunny
Edited on Aug 28, 11:44 p.m. because ''. -
terrific write
hey wow this is very good i loved it very much you are a very talented writer I am very sorry that this happened to you i wouldn't know your pain or what you have been and are going through i wish you the best of luck and that one day you can thank you for sharing us your great ability to write and i am sorry that it happened to you and i wanted to congratulate you for winning great work lots of love-Perla -
damn...no words ....jus appreciation...for great poetry and real emotion...no words. Congratulations on your win..you deserved it
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Thank you for your wonderful thoughts and comments, I am glad you enjoyed this piece even in its sadness. Hugs, Bunny
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Good
This poem is one of the saddest poems i have ever read. I think its every women's personal decision to get an abortion or not and when someone else tries to push someone into it and especially when they suceed its just devastating to me. I,m glas your entry was the first. -
Thank you so much for your wonderful caring comments, I am glad that you enjoyd this piece and I thank you for the encouraging applause! Bunny
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Wow. This is such a sad poem. I'm so sorry, that must've been so tough. It still must be. It is a beautiful write. You are talented.
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful insightful comments and encouraging applause, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece! Bunny
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First, now that you have let it out, stop blaming yourself for listening to everyone else. At one point or another, we all bend to someone else's will. At 14, you really had no choice in the matter. If you had kept the baby, just think how hated they may have felt. You would NOT have wanted that, I can tell by your words. There are some things in life that are worse than death. Awesome write. Athena
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Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed this piece! Bunny
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=( ohhh! thank you for entering this contest!! good luck
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Thank you so very much, I am glad that you enjoyed this piece, and I thank you for your wonderful caring comments, I appreciate them so very much! Bunny
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Wow! Incredible write! Was just reading through the winners of the contest and usually I find the winners are just as average as every one else's poems...but...yours is great! I love the emotion put into this and it must have been truely hard and must be still, i'm sorry you went through this and this must have made you a very strong person, even though you might feel weak inside. Reading this and your author comment brought tears to my eyes and i also hope one day you will have a baby which you can hold in your arms!
Thank you for a great poem!
Bitten
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Thanks so much for your great applause, appreciate it much! Bunny
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Thanks so very much for your wonderful remarks, this one was difficult to write, but in the writing of it as come acceptance and understanding. Sometimes the path we walk is not of our own choice, but we must endure! Bunny
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Sad and powerful
My heart goes out to you dear. It was incredibly brave of you to write this and I believe it may help others who feel the regret of abortion know they are not alone with this guilt. Such a very important issue you have opened up for debate with this, one that needs to addressed. Very powerfully written and all your sadness and regret flows out of it showing that it is still an open wound in your heart. Kudos to you for sharing this.
Edited on Jun 23, 5:56 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments on this piece. This work has become my Pandora's Box in many ways, for once I opened the lid to my deepest thoughts, all the emotion and pain just came pouring out. Hugs, Bunny
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Incredible write of emotion. so much feeling and pain and hurt and so many emotions we own as humans was poured into this piece. Truely a great write. I hope in time your mind heals from this. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thanks so very much for your great remarks and for taking the time to read, I appreciate it! Bunny
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wow, this is really what i am looking for. i am sorry for what you went through. but good luck with the contest.
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Thank you so much for your great applause and encouragement. I am so glad you enjoyed it! Bunny
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...This was awesome. I just loved it...it was so awesome. Thank you for entering my contest!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece and thanks so much for your caring kind words. They are very much appreciated. Bunny
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Awwwww!! You poor thing! This is so very sad!
I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this. It sounds like it has really effected you a lot and made things hard to deal with. You were so young though that there just weren't a lot of options for you. I hope that by writing this, you have helped yourself find some peace for this. I think that you did well expressing yourself here. Thank you for featuring this so that we all got a chance to share your words and feelings with you.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. It is a pain that never ever goes away. I thank you for your wonderfully kind remarks! Bunny
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I appreciate your wonderful kind remarks greatly! Bunny
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this is a very emotion piece. i don't think i can imagine how my sister got through it. wonderful wrdite. i really like it.
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Aww..oh my gosh this is so sad..I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this. Wow..I'm speechless..amazing piece and keep it up.
~Midnight[♥] -
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I appreciate your so kind remarks and care greatly. Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I appreciate your kind remarks! Bunny
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Thank you Yvette for your wonderful kind words, they have touched me deeply that you can understand the depth of this pain and you are such a kind caring person for being able to reach out to someone you don't know. I appreciate it so much! Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece and I thank you for your wonderful kind words
Bunny
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A very sad and haunting write. I can't even imagine the hell you have been living with holding this in for so long. Hopefully writting it will help you let go. This is so strong and full of true and raw emotion. This was outstanding. Best of Luck in the contest.
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A write which has seared into my heart and soul.You are one brave lady.You were a child when that happened.I felt your pain and loss,I knew a girl of fourteen who had the same experience and to this day she is affected too,thats why I understand the depth of your pain,I send you a healing hug,I am so sorry I cannot find anymore words to help but I am there for you if you need to share please IM me and we can message if you need to at another time,love and light,Yvette
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This is a painful account and pretty well conveyed. It has that brooding feel in it which can hold a reader. I think you don't need those end rhymes (which appear little forced), on its own the poem can stand.
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This poem is so sad, I admire you for writing this emotional poem.. I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this I wish you best of luck in the contest, you certainly made me cry.. I wish you all the best for the future ♥
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Thank you so much for your wonderful kind remarks and for taken the time to read this piece, I appreciate them greatly.
Thanks for the applause and the good luck wishes they mean a lot Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. But especially for your wonderful kind and insightful remarks. Yes i am extremely retrospective and very empathic, so it is a very difficult thing for me. I hope that this piece would help other girls in this situation and if so that would be the greatest thing to me. thank you for the applause as well, I appreciate it! Bunny
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Thank you s much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I appreciate your applause but especially your insightfully kind words and I do hope that this piece helps other young girls in some way! Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I appreciate it greatly Bunny
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Wow. I am terribly sorry you went through something so painful. My heart goes out to you as I shed many tears for your precious angel and for you. If you dont win I would be outraged! I dont know what else to say.
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Humbling
Your work is honest and brilliant. If I could I’d give you absolution, but sadly none of us can, except you. Sometimes a retrospective person like you has the most difficult time forgiving the one person in most need of forgiveness… yourself. Two thousand years ago a humble prince of men walked the earth that brought peace to all souls. Through his experience, all were forgiven. -
This is a truly therapeutic piece. I can only hope your heart and mind can feel the ease that writing it will bring. We can never know what is good for us, especially at fourteen years old. You showed respect to your parents and those who love you by doing something very much against your will. However, you didn't know that then . . . perhaps, you still don't. Thanks for sharing such a stark feeling. There are many others who may benifit from such a heartfelt rendering. I wish you peace.
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.......... *tears* good luck.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece, I am glad that it touched you in so way and thanks for the wonderful congrats. I hope this piece helps someone else. I also suffered through two miscarriages over the years before I finally was gifted with a son, I used to think that they were my punishment for what I did when I was 14, I have come to realize that it was not punishment just the path I was menat to follow and I will see my babies in heaven for I know they will be waiting for me! Bunny
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Congratulations on the bronze. But more than that, you have written a truly touching poem that not only is healing for you, but might also touch another going through the same thing. The only way I could heal from my two/three miscarriages was to know that I know that I know that my babies are being help in the arms of a loving god and that - yes - someday I will hold them in my arms.
God bless you and keep writing. Writing is life! Love and hugs - joanne -
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece, I am so glad you enjoyed it and as long as people are reading this and understanding that people can make mistakes and have to live with those consequences and sometimes not of their own free will. I guess what i would like everyone to know that things are not as cut and dried in life. And that hard choices are made and one has to live with the consequences forever! Thanks for your kind words and yes 25 years is a long time to hold something in, I hope my pain helps someone else along the way! Bunny
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Thank you so much for the wonderful remarks. Some people will always think that they have the answers to everything. It is easy to sit in judgement for some. I have learned throughout my life that judgements are only for god, we must always just try to understand in our own limited ways. I am always reminded of the saying "Walk a mile in my shoes", whenever my brain wants to spew forth some wisdom on someone else's situation, so thats what I do, I step back and put myself in their shoes, I find then that the answers are not so easy anymore. I wish more people would do this then there would be far less sanctimony and injustice in the world if they did!
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oh and as far as TrulyLoothy is concerned, How easy it must be to sit up on your self constructed pedistal and look down upon the masses in judgement. Who do you think you are? May you never be forced into a situation of forced submission, but if you ever are, then you may comment on what it is that you did rather then what you "would do".
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WOW! What a powerful piece! I could tell that you had that one stored up for a while and it had plenty of time to ripen into a wonderful poem. I hope this gave you some release! You did a wonderful job and you deserved more than third place for sure! Congratualtions btw.
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Thanks so much, so glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for the congratulations, appreciate it! Bunny
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truly beautiful... wel ldone on bronze
jess -
Well, I certainly am glad you got that out. I'm pretty good at bottling things up too. This was a very insightful piece showing what happens before, during, and after an abortion. I'm glad you've been able to come to terms with yourself on it. Thanks for entering!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. And I thank you for you kind concern. Take care Bunny
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This is so moving and heartfelt. I'm sorry that you had to endure such a traumatic experience like this. I have a friend who went through a similar experience and to this day she is still not the same. I feel for you and I hope that you are alright. You did a great job with this and I thank you for sharing it! Take care!
Allen0826 -
Yeah, simplistic view. But when you have no power, you're very young and afraid, there are no alternatives. Kissing his ass or anything else would not have mattered. His word and rule were absolute and there was no one to turn to for help!
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I would have killed his ass if he or anyone would mess with my baby's life..that is of course if I was a girl. No one makes my choices for me.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, and thank you so much for your wonderful comments! Bunny
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Because it was 25 years ago and I was 14 yrs old, and when your abusive father says it is to be done, it is to be done! Thanks for the read!
Edited on Apr 29, 11:19 p.m. because ''. -
how anyone can abort and murder a baby is beyond me
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OMFG that was a very awesome poem you done a very great job! thank you so much for entering my contest! Good Luck to you!
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate your kind remarks greatly. Bunny
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your kind remarks greatly! Bunny
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this piece and for your kind and thoughtful remarks. yes this did happen to me, it's been 25 yrs now and it still feels like yesterday. As for the last stanza, I wanted the last two lines not to rhyme for i wanted all to deel the full impact of my emotions and the feeling that I will always have of just wanting to hold that child. I thank you for your comments and maybe I will look at reworking the last stanza a little! Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and for your very kind and thoughtful words. I appreciate them greatly!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece and for your very thoughtful remarks. i appreciate them greatly! Bunny
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I don't know if this really happened to you, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive those involved in it, including yourself and your parents. One of life's hardest lessons is that our parents are always there to look out for us, even when they make decisions that aren't particularly right.
I like this poem a lot. The meaning is a tough one to deal with, but something that a lot of people go through.
I am a little worried about the rhyme scheme here. It works up until the last stanza, and gets lost for me. I've read through it a couple times and get tripped up at that same place every time. I would suggest reading this outloud to yourself or someone else, and see if it does the same for you or whoever you read it to.
Thank you for sharing, good luck in the contest, and good luck in general.
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This is very well done. To be able to describe what you went through mentally and physically in such a lovely poem is outstanding! You have exposed one of the many undiscussed topics, and the effects that it has on a young woman...even 25 years later! Your words are clear, descriptive and very real. The emotion that you write with has leapt off the page and into my soul. Very effective poem! KUDOS and thank you for sharing such a personal experience. You have opened many hearts and eyes with this!
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so very sad
a very sad read indeed and i sympathise with you fully,having lost a child during birth i can understand how you must feel ,the longing to hold always there in the mind and please do not blame yourself for what happened, you were but a child yourself and who knows what may have happened if not this? live your life without guilt my friend you were just a child listeneing to others guidance and trying to be brave.
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a very emotional and touching piece. One of life's greatest dilemnas, and a very difficult decision to make. The poem itself is well constructed and reads very well. Great job.
Rory -
awwwwww, man! give me a minute to control my sniffles. but this is such a sad poem but very well written. i could actually feel your pain. this is a very touching poem even though it's sad.
leospitfire
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Thank you so much, I am glad you enjoyed this piece, it was written from a very painful period of my life that still haunts me all these years later. Writing is very terapeutic for me, so much easier to put down in words what one feels in their heart and soul. Thanks so much for the applause and the kindness of your remarks. Bunny
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This is a phenomenal piece! You bring forth such emotion in your writing. I hope it's somehow therapeutic for you to put your pain into words. You have a magnificent talent. I look forward to reading more of your work. Take Care!
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I am glad that it touched you in some way. unfortunately the events are true, although it happened 25 years ago, I still feel like it was yesterday. I had no choice back then too young with an abusive father who decided for me. I am against abortion except were absolutely necessary and I pray that no one else has to suffer through what I did. Bunny
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Wow if this was true then it's very tragic. I am sort of against abortions...unless it's fatal to the mother who is supposed to be having the baby (as in she's too weak to have the baby) but still..getting an abortion is like..killing a soul and not allowing it to at least take its first breath. Just tragic. Well. Thanks for entering.
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I enjoyed your long post it was grat feedback that is very constructive and I appreciated it immensely! Thanks so much Bunny
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Incredibly moving piece this was. I have a friend who went through the same horror as that, shes a lovely girl who got screwed over by this arsehole but now shes getting things together.
Anyhoo.. I like the way it is structured out, with each stanza a different place and thought, like the first one is bout the paernts telling and the beliefs and what not. It was really powerful imagery at the start too, with:
"Lying on the table draped in a sheet
Cold stirrups held tight to my little feet
My hands icy and shaking from fear "
I was really drawn into it by that.
The second stanza was very moving, describing and recreating the moment. Very chilly feeling I got from that. The last two lines of the stanza I thought was great, like how you just told of this horrible thing, and how 'everyone' said that you could pick up and move on, but in reality you cant let it escape.
The third stanza was the best part in my opinion. This was where all the emotion really came out. I like how the first 4 lines told of what it was like after that moment, and the feeling of guilt and regret, and the next few is the apology to your baby. The last finished it well, how you want your baby to rest till until you's two can finally be together again.
And yeah, sorry for such a long post, its been months since Ive done anything active on this website and I thought I might try and bring myself back in. All the best.
-Mick -
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I am so glad this piece touched you in some way and I wish that there had been a choice for me, but there was not and so I live with this still and will always, it's been 25 years now and it still seems as if it was yesterday. Happy easter Bunny
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This is beautiful, I actually have tears in my eyes. I think that would have to be one of the hardest decisions for me if I was to be a teenage mum.
If there was going to be no danger to me and I wasn't being a coward to tell my parents then I would have it.
Anyway, im just talking too much now.
A very well done for an amazingly sad but effective write.
xXx -
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. i am glad this piece touched you and I thank you for your kind remarks. Happy Easter! Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and thanks so much for your kind encouraging remarks. Happy Easter Bunny
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Wow...this is very sad and Im left partly speechless...Wonderful write.
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This is very sad. Don't dwell on the past. You will see your baby again someday. Don't blame yourself, you were just a baby too.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, I am so glad this piece touched you in some way. Thank you for your wonderful kind remarks. Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment I am s glad this piece touched you in some way and thank you so much for your kind remarks. Bunny
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Thank you Nipper, so glad this poem touched you in some way and thank you so much for your kind encouraging remarks. Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I am so glad that this poem touched you in some way and thank you for your kind encouraging remarks. Bunny
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