Life is whizzing past me
The wheels are turning faster
Scenery flies by in a daze
Makes me dizzy inside
Flowers grow where death has been
Leaving its mark forever
Crosses illustrate tales of sorrow
Lessons learned too well
Fun spawns death, reckless passion
Tears will flow but cannot change the world
Those who cry the truest tears are never seen
They hide in their weakness, their shame
The world is void and numb
Caught up in those who can only act as if they feel
Terror ripples across my mind
My thoughts have led me down the wrong road
My blood will stain the flowers
And they will grow with vigor to cover what has been
I hope my cross will read
I couldn’t live without you
Passion spawns reckless death
Author notes
i came back and fixed it...woot!!!
Written April 9th, 2006
genre: society
A contest entry
- HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT by JadalaStar.
300 points, ended January 1, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Good write
This is a sad deep write. It pulled me in and kept me reading, it sounds as if you pulled alot out of yourself in this write. I think the poem had good flow as well as expression. Good write, keep up the good work and keep penning! ~Tia -
Very sad...it seems so hopeless. I could tell by reading this that you really put yourself into this and I appreciate that. I really actually liked the opening of this piece. It did a nice job drawing me into the rest of it and I keep going back to it now. All in all, you did a nice job. Keep on writing!
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This was a very good poem, but this line right here: "And they will grow with vigor to cover what has been: just doesn't sound right to me. Vigor means energy, yes, all living things use energy, but it just doesn't sound right when you say it as "and they will grow with energy" Does that make any sense to you? That is really all that I noticed that I didn't like too much about it. It is a very good writing.
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15 out of 10 stars
Great write. it was very well written. It was very sad and I agree with Debbysmiles that it was haunting, but it is a very beautiful piece. I love your choices in vocabulary. I wish I could come up with words like that to express my thoughts. I really enjoyed :
Tears will flow but cannot change the world
Those who cry the truest tears are never seen
They hide in their weakness, their shame
The world is void and numb
Caught up in those who can only act as if they feel
You did a fantastic job writing this
Keep writing and let me know when you've written something new. I look forward to reading some more of your older stuff. How long have you been writing anyway?
~*~Brittany~*~ -
well written.. extremely sad and haunting.. good flow.. well done.. debby
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that was incredible. keep up the FANTASTIC work, dear!!! hope to read more soon.
BR0K3N -
This poem is extremely visual. Brief glimpses of color and movement. Powerful and moving! Great job!
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This is rather bleak but I sure know what you mean about time flying past you. I hate that feeling. It gets worse every year.
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this is certainly a different piece and a very weird piece of writtin. all round it was very gd
well done
''Flowers grow where death has been
Leaving its mark forever'' these were my fav lines
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excellent
I must agree with Soul Zero. it is well penned and the vocabulary is impecable. you knew exactly what you were feeling and exactly how you were going to say it. Its is an interesting concept. everything effect everything, thats the basic idea I get from this.
Love can either save or kill is the deeper message I get, this all just my opinion. Nicely done.
-celeste -
good job
Emotions seen all over this write. I still dont know what to think of it. I know you penned it well. Emotions overwhelming, full of meaning.
Good write
Blessings
*Victoria* -
Very well written,
had alot depth and meaning and really reached and grabbed the reader.
I love the rhythm and the over all flow of this poem as well. you conveyed those emotions very well with the flow and vocabulary you chosen. Everything this seemed to work well for this. I am really feeling the political and social message you wrote in this piece, alot of truths were written in this poem Excellent job .
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