A razorblades
Perfect kiss
Leaves perfect scars
Upon her wrist
To such a girl
Death is a dream
But is it as wonderful
As it may seem
Maybe for a girl
With a broken heart
With death being the only thing
That doesn't tear her
Completely apart
To me
Death is a dream
Author notes
ok havent written anything in awhile so heres a new one....I wasnt sure what to call it....i chose from obviously Perfect Scars...and Death is a Dream.....so yea if you think the other better suits it then tell me...enjoy reading it
everything I had is gone (For Contest)
A contest entry
- Darkness, Let Me See Your Darkness by AshesFromFire.
700 points, ended July 21, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by californiagirl.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES GALLORE ~!~!~! by Naridill.
800 points, ended January 31, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Short simple and surreal. The phrasing is captivating and the read quite mesmerizing. Nicely penned indeed.
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I like the current title. I can relate to it, which I liked. It was simple, but said a lot. Thank you for your entry!
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Well well well, very nicly done. The rhyme is simple and controlled, so it doesn't sound fourced. The poem is well writen.
Death may seem like a dream, and to you it might be. I share this dream on many occasions. But, there is something you should know. Your suicide will destroy everyone around you. Allow me to share a story with you...
Less then a week ago, my clostest friend tried to kill herself. Thankk god she failed. But every day since I heard the news I have cryed. I've imageined what the world would be like without her. It's been Hell for me, and I can't imagine what it's like for her family.
Just remeber, that even when it seems like death is a dream, there is someone that would die to never hear you say that.
Well done, and good luck.
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it is, or it isn't?
on your forth stanza...just wondering
titles are just an extra to a poem...great write!
i liked the rhyming sequence, unique...i liked it!
your words were very fimilar with my feeling,
thank you for entering my contest and taking the time to share your work with me,
take care,
♥ Lynn
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That's so sad! =(. Such a waste of life over nothing more than heart-ache. Beautifully written, moving.
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i loved this poem , well writen if youed like check my poems out.. you might like them.. blessed be
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i like this...and i agree with toni..the title is perfect..
A razorblades
Perfect kiss
Leaves perfect scars
Upon her wrist
i think those are my fav lines but i really like the whole poem all together..great job and keep it up for sure!! -
the title is perfect if you change t then its your loss my friend.. moving on.. great write, im really taken back by it.. i have read a lot from you lately, all good so i am going to add you to my favourites and all that jazz..
well done..
great write!!
=) ~toni~ -
wow.. this is really good.. i loved it.... it has meaning to it.... i don't know why, but this made me smile... i think its my mood... or just the way i am.. I like dark poetry.... I liked how the words flowed and umm ya.. it sounded good too.. and liek well its just perfect.. this is really really god.. keep it up
Love always
Noor lalalolo11 monkey
(nickname)
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this is a good write for dark poetry great job on the imagery and the words flow with ease just all around a great show of talent...
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I’ve been reading poetry on this site for a long time and I haven’t quite seen anything quite like this..it was mightily impressive..keep it up!!!
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This is a wonderful poem!
I loved reading it, because I hate reading poems that are sooooo long and have so many lines.
I like shorter, simpler ones better.
The only thing I could say about this poem, was perhaps make it a bit longer? other than that I loved everything about it, and even if you choose not to make it longer, I still think it's marvelous! *ish jealous of your writing abilities*
Much love,
becca -
nice! i really like this poem. i like the first two stanzas.
very nice. it flows very well and the writing sort of serene and calm. well done. -
Amazing!!!
Yes, your opening stanza has a very good metaphor. But I think the thing I love most about this poem is the way it flows!!! It seems, very calm, slow, peaceful, I kinda got the feeling of a leaf falling to the ground, but the amazing thing is that its about one killing oneself!!! And still so calm, like we are actually bleeding to death right beside you…very different, but I loved it. I think what did it was your stanza separation, so if one reads it just how you posted it, it comes off as calm, either way, amazingly calm stanza structure for such a vividly in your face kinda poem. Loved it, very good job, best of wishes.
-Night-
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This is a very good poem, I love it. I like this the razorblades as kisses, awesome.
Fairy -
I loved this. The flow and rhyming was amazing. And I agree with onbrokenwings09 I also love how "razorblades" as Perfect Kisses! Good Stuff!
KEEP IT UP!
missy -
interesting
i love how u show razorblades as a "perfect kiss" cause thats what it is really i guess in a way and i love how u opened up to us in this poem really a great write~~~stina -
very good
The title works well as is, I think. Short but full of imagery just the same.
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